Suburbs of Utopia

the vow.

2012-02-11T15:52:00.001-05:00

Can a once in a lifetime love find a second chance?

Life's all about moments of impact... and how they change our lives forever.

I vow to love you... and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.

You better believe this is how I will be spending my Saturday night.

oh, in my white coat!

2012-02-08T20:37:00.000-05:00

I started my very first clinical this week. It's my "normal newborn" practicum and I'm over-the-moon to be wearing my shiny, new white coat to dress the part of my new role! It reminded me of one of my very first posts evaaah like four ~~thousand~~ years ago when I entered my final year of nursing school and no longer had to wear those alarmingly white scrubs! I've written my first set of {real} orders! I attended a delivery today and I can't even tell you the feeling {Well, I cried if that gives you a clue!} of getting to hand a new dad {he was crying, himself!} their healthy baby and say, "She's perfect! Congratulations!" The NNP I'm following also runs the NICU {yup, all by her ~~badass~~ self. No doctor is even in house.} and I'm learning a lot there, too. Like how to tell a family we suspect their baby might have extra special chromosomes... it's a bittersweet place, the neonatal i.c.u.

let it go.

2012-02-07T02:14:00.003-05:00

turn away because I need you more.

feel the heart beat in my mind.

it's the way i'm feeling i just can't deny

but i gotta let it go.

we found love in a hopeless place.

Guest Post: Erin @ masterofnursing.org

2012-02-06T17:40:00.001-05:00

As y'all know, I struggle immensely with balancing life outside of grad school as evidence by this post so when Erin @ mastersofnursing.org contacted me recently in regards to writing a guest post for the 'Burb, I immediately thought, "Absolutely!" Then, of course, life got in the way and it took me about three weeks to post the article she graciously took the time to write but after a week like last, I am using her helpful tips to manage this week's school/life balance a little better... especially tip #2... and #5.. and #6... and #7.. and #8. Without further adieu...

Helpful Tips for Managing Life and Grad School

Grad school is stressful enough on its own, but all grad students have a life to handle as well. If you have roommates, a spouse, or a family, managing your time effectively becomes even more important. Here are some helpful tips for managing your life while in grad school.

1. Keep in contact with old professors. Just because you’ve left your undergraduateinstitution doesn’t mean you have to stop talking to your old professors. Theycan offer you recommendations for fellowships and jobs, as well as moral supportwhen you’re stressed – after all, they’ve been to grad school too!

2. Know your workload. Betweenclasses, reading, and research, grad school can be very time-consuming. Askprofessors and current students how much time they devote to their studies. Canyou handle the same amount of time, or even more, with your current lifestyle?

3. Set a budget.Make sure you are set financially for your full time in grad school. Whetherthis means saving up money or applying for financial aid and scholarships, youneed to have a plan before you start classes. Perhaps this means a part-timejob or taking on student loans.

4. Choose transportation wisely. If you plan on taking public transportation, lookinto getting monthly passes and student discounts. Some programs even covertransportation costs for students. If you want something more reliable, havingyour own vehicle will save you time, but it will cost more for gas, insurance,and parking.

5. Work now, play later.Many beginning grad students don’t realize that their workload will be fargreater than what they had as an undergrad. If you want to prioritize youreducation, you should plan to give up some (but not all!) recreation andentertainment while you’re in school.

6. Have a support system. Grad school can be quite stressful at times, so it helps to have atrusted support system of friends and family. They will emotionally support youbut also respect that you’ll need more time on your own for studying.

7. Make a schedule.Having a schedule is an easy way to organize your study time, especially if youlive with others. Post your schedule where everyone can see it so that theyknow when it’s best not to disturb you – unless there’s an emergency. Even ifyou live on your own, setting a schedule will help you stay committed to yourstudies.

8. Be active.Everyone needs a break, especially from sitting and staring at a book orcomputer for hours on end. Exercising regularly will help you relieve stressfrom grad school and give you energy to dive back into your studies.

Thanks, Erin! For more information on getting a Master's Degree in Nursing, check out Erin's website @ mastersofnursing.org!

the very busy gradstudentillar.

2012-02-05T14:27:00.000-05:00

There are currently ~~fifteen~~ ~~fourteen~~ thirteen more hours left of this week and I am going to start celebrating Monday's arrival at 12:01 tonight. Between spending the beginning of the week working in California, followed by three eight hour days of lecture, a two-hour coffee date with my professor {which was fabulous, btw}, two umbilical lines, one Michelada, one 10 hour day of clinical on a sunny, 60 degree Saturday {not bitter.}, one ginormous burrito at Chupacabra, one midterm, one froyo, one research project, one giant mushroom +truffle cheese serious pie...

one case study, one intubation, one Whistling Pig Hefeweizen, one chest tube insertion in to a chicken, one clinical log and about four hundred pages of reading, I feel like I'm about one slice of salami, one piece of cherry pie, one lollipop, and one slice of watermelon away from the worst stomach/heart/head/lifeacheever.

Dramatic much? That might have been a teensy bit of an exaggeration but the bottom line is I'm unimpressed, 2012. Un.Im.Pressed. And as for you 2011, feel free to reclaim your permanent presence in my life at any time... Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to get in touch with my inner Eric Carle, find one single leaf to make me feel instantly better before crawling in to my cocoon tonight...

...because tomorrow I will metamorphasize {not a word? well, it should be.} into a beea-uuu-tiful butterfly... putting the lows of this week behind me and flying forward to a trip home to see five of my most favourite people... Kara + Reese, Jess + Ella, + Megan. It's someone's half birthday and there are cupcakes to be consumed.

i couldn't see past me 'til I saw you.

2012-02-02T23:17:00.000-05:00

I couldn't see past me 'til I saw you. I first fell in love with Josh Kelley when he did a residency at hotel cafe and Katherine, Carly + I went to every one of his shows four Wednesdays in a row. His crossover to country last year made me fall in love with him a little bit more... but seriously, Josh... this video might have just stolen my heart.

small world, after all.

2012-02-01T21:39:00.001-05:00

I realized last week that my watch was still set on London time... Astonished by how fast these first few weeks of twenty12 have flown by, I decided to leave it as is... blue, sparkly and six hours too fast. It's my own little shiny accessory-of-a- reminder to slow the eff down. How is it already February First? Five weeks left of winter quarter. Two weeks left of unemployment. One week 'til Florida... I promised myself I would stay put in this new year and I've already boarded four planes... and have two more next week... Perhaps, I should abolish routine/schedule/monotony from my vocabulary and just accept the fact that the only thing that will ever be constant in my life is change... until I get to where I'm going, of course.

It has been an insane few days... starting with a flight to Northern California which turned in to a three day stretch where my morals were challenged immensely as the ethical dilemma before me weighed heavy on my heart... The assignment ended better than okay yesterday but I had been up since 430 AM and as I landed back in Seattle last night at 1:00 AM knowing I would be getting up in a few short hours for an eight hour day of class, followed by two more eight-hour days of lecture and my first clinical day on Saturday, I could not be more elated to be back, exhausted & drained but also safe & sound... with a heightened awareness of who I am... and definitely who I am not.

The trip wasn't entirely awful, though... I did get to eat great sushi two nights in a row, visit with my biddy, soak in the San Francisco sunshine, taste test a lot of Ghirardelli chocolate and use a groupon that was randomly expiring in eight days... Oh, and the highlight... The highlight of my weekend was running in to someone who said, "I know you from somewhere!?... Did you used to teach kickboxing classes at UF?" My response, "Oh my word!! Yes, yes, yes! One, two, threeee! EeEEEEE yaay! Having that been said...Jab/cross!!!" Well, not really but it made my heart smile to meet a past participant of A. Aerobix... on the opposite side of the country, no less... it really is a small world, after all.

...even if said small world is super scary at times. Albeit its constant evolutions and revolutions and what not, there is always an element of home to be found within to alleviate the scariness and add back in the happiness, of the heart-smiling-variety.

instagramly ever after.

2012-01-27T21:16:00.004-05:00

Although my original thirteen weeks turned in to {eeeek!} six months, those six months were a crazy whirlwind of work + school + traveling + forgetting to breathe on a daily basis and I never really slowed down enough to take in my Seattle surroundings. I have had a lot, A LOT, of errands to {leisurely} run this week all over the Greater Puget Sound area and my goodness, do I love the Pacific Northwest! I discovered a park close to my house that lines the Pacific; perfect for capturing sunset. I met with the wonderful people at the March of Dimes office in downtown and walked to Pike Place afterwards to pick up some flowers and delightful blackberry honey! I'm still falling in love with a new local coffee shop on a weekly basis but Starbucks will always be my go-to for impromptu study sessions. And do you see that badge? It says Jocelyn Kirk - ARNP Student... so exciting!! My first clinical rotation starts next week! I'm packing my bag and hoping I get the green light in the morning to meet up with my California nursing friends for a random assignment this weekend! Have a happy weekend!! =)

a celebration, continued.

2012-01-25T23:50:00.000-05:00

Recently, there has been a voice inside my soul constantly vying to know where my life is going. A perpetual plight of uncertainty-infused wonder... and on the days when I remember to don my rose-colored glasses, a continuous state of dreaming...

Although I knows deep down that the world is my oyster, every day I plead with the universe for a little direction; the smallest clue to help guide my future. A tiny amount of assurance that my hopes + dreams will someday come true. Preferably, sooner than later.

She has mastered the art of finding the beauty in the small things that make up the atmosphere around her; why do they not please her on a level deeper than aesthetics? Her life is an exhilarating, interminable unfolding; why is there an urgency to discover it all in a day's work?

I was never one who was able to find satisfaction in banal tasks, like a job or school. I was never good at living my life for myself... and I flat-out fail when it comes to applying meaning to a life without love... for as grateful as I am for the opportunities hard work has afforded me, they do not make me feel alive inside. They do not define who I am. They do not embody my heart. They are merely mundane chores...

... but they are also important pieces, lessons + what not, that will add a very, rare beauty to the final product. They are molding me in to something stronger, someone better... so when the dust finally settles, my reflection will not be one full of regrets + could-have-beens but that of a girl who stepped outside her comfort zone and found a utopia, where every wish her heart ever clamored for came true. A perfect castle in the sky hallmarked by its imperfections.

It's easy to lose sight of this bigger picture when the feeling of temporary permeates the presence so much that it begins to cloud my periphery... but a weekend escape to the vineyards with good girlfriends is exactly the solidarity that I needed to bring my life back in to perspective.

The day could not have been more perfect. Big, beautiful blue skies with rays of sunshine peeking through every tree branch, hollow-post mill and front porch lattice. There was a breeze cool enough to allow you to wear boots + tights + scarves but brisk enough to remind you that it is January and you are one of the lucky ones soaking up sunshine.

We ate brunch at a pancake house + much later, returned for an Italian dinner in Solvang. We traversed through wine country all afternoon, stopping at two different wineries to shmooze with sommeliers of our vintage before heading to my absolute favourite place - Los Olivos.

I'm not sure if it was the local wine perfectly paired with my favourite thing in the entire world... cupcakes! by {enjoy}... or the free tasting by the adorable grandson of the family-owned label, Sarloos & Sons, or the oil + balsamic tasting by the olive oil enthusiast who reminded us of our grandma{s} but when in this quaint one-street town, I die.

It was an absolute perfect weekend. One in which I repeatedly thought to myself: I seriously love my life:::Life doesn't get any better than this:::This is what they mean by actually live each day:::I am exactly where I need to be:::Livingthedream.

I cried yesterday... an ironic "good cry" that I have not endured in a long while... What started as a few tears streaming down my face quickly escalated in to an unfurling of my heart right on to the pavement on the corner of Greenwood and 65th. While it was painful + prompted me to make a rash decision {Read: buy an overpriced striped cowl scarf}, when I returned to my senses, it felt incredible... to know that my heart has found its beat again, one of the reckless + wild abandon variety... with all of its entirety, naturally.

In a habitual text to my bestie whenever I am reduced to tears, she simply replied, "Why does it make you cry?" And after a long conversation in which I threw out every vulnerability that rose to the surface to make this good cry a purifying great cry, I made peace with my predicament realizing that it should not make me cry... no matter how much it scares me. It could be just as exciting as it is scary if I could learn to throw caution to the wind + let it unfold in the exact pattern that it is meant to. No matter what direction, whether it be hit the ground running or fly over the moon, it would be worth it to give it a chance.

As I watched LA get swallowed up in a cloud of smog Monday morning, I made a conscious effort from the sky to bottle up that incredible feeling of contentment + save it for moments like yesterday when the unknowns of my current every day catalyze a fury of angst + I forget that I'm okay. I forget that I am strong + confident + worth it. I forget that being far from home is only temporary + this next year will fly by.

I forget that I have my entire life to get to where I am going and at twenty-five, my life has not only superseded where I need it to be... but it is exactly where I want it to be.

And that is reason enough to uncork my contentment + celebrate.

we interrupt this regular posting...

2012-01-24T18:53:00.004-05:00

... for some major self reflection + a tub full of doll parts. A celebration, part II coming tomorrow... with a whole heap of inner insight + a lot of pictures of vino + vines. Can't say I didn't warn you.

much-to-recover-from-monday.

2012-01-23T23:53:00.000-05:00

Or, alternatively titled: the weekend I wore red lipstick, consumed a lot of amazing meals, drank scrumptious lattes daily and waayy too many cocktails both day and nightly.... and documented it all via instagram, of course.

If there is one thing LA takes seriously, it's birthday celebrations. Knowing my love for birthdays aaand celebrations, I was beyond excited to return to my happy place this weekend to celebrate Carly's 25th birthday! After arriving in the wee hours of the morning Friday, I spent the first part of the day half asleep in Tate's chair getting my hair did sipping on some coffee bean post a wonderful run through WeHo. {It's the simple things in this city that I miss the most!} Lauren met me for lunch at the fabulous Taste for some hand-picked grilled cheese and then the birthday girl got off work and the four of us sang Wicked, drank champagne, ate a wonderful Italian meal prepared by Chef Abruzzo and applied a lot of red lipstick before we met all of Carly's friends at Bar Lubitsch. We stayed until it closed and may have refused to leave unless the bouncer escorting us out sang "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins with us. Oh lord.
Saturday {mid}morning, we walked to Urth Cafe for the most amazing birthday breakfeast before hopping in the car to make the two hour drive north along the PCH to Santa Barbara.

After perusing the {vintage} shops on State Street, we continued the celebration at a tire-shop-turned-tasting-room for a flight of wines by Oreana.

We ate a yummy seafood dinner at the FisHouse, lobster for the birthday girl, shrimp scampi for me... before ~~jumping in a shopping cart~~ having a few cocktails and laughs at a tequila bar.

The next morning, we grabbed another latte {and saltines} and headed for Santa Ynez Valley for a lovely day of wine tasting.

Part II, tomorrow.

snowmageddon.

2012-01-19T19:05:00.001-05:00

As y'all know {thank you for all the calls, texts, e-mails making sure I was okay}, Seattle is currently getting hit by one of its worst snowstorms in a looong time {which explains the way these people drive in it and why there were 800 accidents in a 24-hour period yesterday...}. In the same way a child sneaks down to the tree on Christmas Eve to see if Santa has come yet, I kept looking out my window to see if it had arrived Tuesday night. Finally I dozed off at about 2:30 {I am settling in so nicely to my current role of unemployed college kid!} only to wake up a few hours later to the sounds of excited children {I don't remember ever hearing these sounds in college...} sledding down my street as I live on a pretty big hill that is apparently the perfect angle to fly down {and slide down sideways in your vehicle while the parents of said children watch you from the top of the ridge shaking their heads... not that I did or anything! ;)}.

The corner hardware store had sold out of sleds before we had even woken up so my roommate and I took advantage of our snow day by building the world's ugliest snow lady.

The night's sky was lit up by the snow-cloud-covered-moon so to release our cabin fever, we found ourselves stopping in not one but two different coffee shops that line the four-mile loop around the lake to fill and refill our cups with the most delectable turtle hot chocolate in between making snow angels and kissing snowmen.

I had kind of missed the snow and definitely got my fill of powder in the Seattle-turned-winter-wonderland yesterday.

Today, however, is a different story. I had a 12:45 flight out of this snowmageddon to the sunny California to celebrate my lovely Carly's 25th birthday. I'm rescheduled for the 8:40 flight tonight and hoping to goodness that this snow lets up so I don't find myself checking in to a hotel near the airport to get out first thing in the morning... as there is no way I am driving back home with these crazies after dark... and no way I am missing my hair appointment at 11AM with Tate. I'm currently keeping warm working on schoolwork in a Starbucks close to SEA, optimistically sipping a caramel brulee latte {warmed my heart that they still had some of the discontinued syrup!} smelling like Chanel's Mademoiselle with a fresh face of make-up on as I just spent an hour in Ulta where the girl handed me a belt full of brushes and said, "Have fun!" as I was the only one in the store.

Now, if these snowflakes could kindly malt in to milkshakes, I would greatly appreciate it as there is fondue to be eaten and a celebration to be had, twenty-five kinds of Carlifornia style, down South!

i had a crazy idea this morning...

2012-01-17T19:22:00.000-05:00

That was the subject of an e-mail that was in my inbox when I woke up this morning. Knowing that it was from Carly, who currently spends her days doing parkour in her office while trying to avoid being hit in the head with spear guns, I had no idea what I would unveil by clicking "open"... Pleasantly surprised, it was an invitation to a spring roommate reunion when her show is on hiatus in April. A thread that went a little something like, "Poolside cabanas!!" "Palm trees and waterfalls." "I'm in." "This all sounds amazing! I'm down!" "Alright ladies, it's booked!" ...and within less than an hour, our {comped} weekend escape to Bonaventure was confirmed! What the birthday girl wants, the birthday girl gets... and Lynly Ganica delivered. See ya in ninety-three days, sisters!

much-to-celebrate-monday: tebow, snowflakes + rodeos.

2012-01-16T17:14:00.002-05:00

My heart feels a little bit on fire as the story of {my} life begins a new chapter, this morning feeling a lot like the opening scene of Act I. To set the stage of this next chapter, I am nestled in a lamp-lit corner of a coffee shop up the ridge from my house, watching the first snowflakes of the winter fall aimlessly to the ground. The latte is a hazelnut flavour, richly providing the caffeinated liquid courage to conquer the loong to-do list before me. Bon Iver is whispering in the background and my heart feels so full of celebrations; a feeling that inspired me to put cowboy boots on this morning... in lieu of the usual Wellies... to brave this wintry weather with a new kind of confidence, the this-isn't-my-first-rodeo kind. All kinds of awesomeness have occurred in the first sixteen days of twenty12 and it must be celebrated.

Canadian drug for rare bone disease shows promise | CTV News

Dustin made it home safely, I met my training goal at the gym last night and Gideon, my miracle patient, is thriving in a way that could allow the trial drug that saved his life to be legalized in half the amount of time it would usually take because of the promise of life + hope it provides people affected by hypophosphatasia.

I'm finding balance between school + sanity, I'm detoxifying my liver for an exciting birthday weekend with my sister from another mister and I'm super excited for June 8th, when Tasha + Aaron will say a monochromatic "I do!" in an art gallery in the Great White North.

I'm giddily counting the downs until I will be in Florida to celebrate Ella Bella's 1/2 birthday with Jess, Reesey + Kara (24 more days to be exact.) and after twenty-seven hours in lecture last week, I'm beyond excited that my graduate work will be dedicated to the boy who inspires me every day as I create a project that assesses parents' concerns with retinopathy of prematurity, the disease that took Christopher's eyesight.

Tebow's football season came to an end Saturday night but the positive example he sets for the country will continue to inspire, Megalina introduced me to a new book that I cannot put down and in trying to be more organized this January, I fear my closet may implode with my creative use of a very small space unpacking from Paris yesterday! =)

Put on striped socks, kick up your boots + celebrate!

wear your sunscreen.

2012-01-12T22:08:00.002-05:00

I forgot how much I love the words of wisdom in this song...

“Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked... You’re not as fat as you imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you. Sing. Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind… the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.”

― Baz Luhrmann

sundays, sunshine + snowshoes.

2012-01-10T14:20:00.002-05:00

This past Sunday, I took the dog to a sleepy little German town called Leavenworth about ninety miles East of here. Winding up in to the Cascades, the rain quickly turned in to snow as the temps dropped below freezing. There was a beautiful river that carved the path of the highway the entire drive. The spirit of Christmas is still in full swing in Leavenworth as the lights that adorn the downtown area shine on until mid-February. After a snowshoe through the cold, it warmed my heart + mittens to sip a hot chocolate while perusing the quaint Front Street and take in all its Bavarian/Christmas glory.

Have a happy {+ warm} Tuesday! =)

Amy Aerobix, is that you??

2012-01-08T03:50:00.000-05:00

If there was one thing I was determined to get done this week... and believe me, this girl on a high from the hope of a new year had a lot of ish on her to-do list... it was to ~~learn what I.M.A. stands for~~ conquer my fear of the intimidating four-story campus Intramurals Activities... full of nineteen-year-old gym rats who have no other purpose in life except to ~~look good~~ work out.... and work out, myself. In a past life {Read: undergrad} I lived at the gym. I taught fitness classes four days a week and when I started counting reps in my sleep... one, two, threeeeeeeee... my roommates gave my alter ego a name: Amy Aerobix. Teaching spinning and kickboxing were most definitely my two favourite hours of the week. I have joked before that A.A. has since retired her sports bra but recently, I have found myself listening to a new song and thinking this would be an awesome climb or a great cool-down... and I've grown to quite miss her presence in my life... and her toned arms. Buuuut after three consecutive days of working out (and a break today to go snowshoeing because the lactic acid in my muscles is still burning), I'm excited to announce that the b*tch is back... sans the toned arms. For now.

Endorphin-induced post-workout, I even signed up for a half marathon that is sixteen weeks away. Train + maintain, baby.

I haven't published a mixed tape in a while but no workout would be complete without a 60-minute playlist.

Side A:
1. Avicii - Levels.
2. Ash Koley - Brighter At Night.
3. Flo Rida ft. Sia - Wild Ones.
4. Florence + the Machine- Shake It Out.
5. Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars- Safe & Sound.
6. Ellie Goulding - Lights (Bassnectar Remix).
7. Jay Sean ft. Nicki Minaj - 2012 (It Ain't The End).
8. Matisyahu - Miracle.
9. Of Monsters and Men - Little Talks.
10. Flo Rida- Good Feeling.
11. Rihanna- We Found Love (Chuckie Extended Remix).
12. Bag Raiders- Shooting Stars.
13. Erika Jayne- Party People (Ignite The World).
14. Bon Iver - Holocene.
Side B:
And a song to belt out for the drive home...

Welcome back, bish.

rub-a-dub-dog.

2012-01-06T23:57:00.000-05:00

I'm dog-sitting my roommate's fur baby, Buddy, this week and I'm quickly learning that perhaps I am not cut out to be a dog owner. I've only forgotten to feed him twice in the last two days and I may have kicked and screamed and slammed my door when he jumped on my bed to let him out at 6:40 yesterday morning... I kid. He's a really great dog but walking him in the freezing cold rain is a highly effective form of pet contraceptive. Right before the holidays, Sarah and I took him to Rub a Dub Dog, a D.I.Y. dog wash up the hill from our house. I could not get enough of that place. The foggy windows. The various shampoos. The endless amount of treats. The blow-dry cycle that is similar to a car wash vacuum. The variety of brushes + combs. And my favourite... the apron they provide for you to wear! It is pretty much my new favourite spot to hang out although it would take a lot of treats to get Buddy to step paw in that tub again.

of all eloquence, a nickname is the most concise.

2012-01-05T23:04:00.000-05:00

kara: she's just growing up so fast, i wish time would slow down.
joc: funny, i wish time would speed the hell up. {in regards to my own life}
kara: you will until your life is where you want it be.

Skyping with Kara and Reese is the best antidote for a too-far-away auntie's aching heart. Although the MacBook logo symbolizes the 3000 miles between us, our skype dates almost make me feel like we're in the same place. Ree's little squeal when I scream, "Reeeesey!!" every time our faces come in to view is my favourite moment of each skype date. She always performs her "latest tricks" for me in the background, very busy making soup in her kitchen, reading every book on the shelf, making the sound of all the animals in sight, as Kara and I sip our morning coffee {well actually, I am the only caffeine addict.}, converse about family ties, hiring a cleaning service, our love lives, surviving grad school, the medical profession and how she hosted her first mom's club meeting {so proud, K!}. Kara asked Reese today if she could say "jocelyn" and the sweetest little scrunchy smile came across her face and in her tiny, little angel voice she said, "JayJay". J.J. it is, Reesey Bird. J.J. it is.

Photographs compliments of Jessi Ringer.

the girl {really} worth having.

2012-01-05T18:08:00.003-05:00

Why don’t you tell me that “if the girl had been worth having, she’d have waited for you”? No, sir, the girl really worth having won’t wait for anybody.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

wahaca.

2012-01-04T23:15:00.000-05:00

I definitely consumed my fair share of cheese, croissants and chocolate in Paris and ate fish + chips + mushy peas at least twice in London but my favourite meal was at an underground restaurant called Wahaca that Grams + I ducked in to fleeing the bad weather one afternoon. We had been walking for blocks looking for a quaint British pub for a classic English experience but we were up to our wellies sloshing through puddles in the pouring down rain and decided we would just eat at the next restaurant we saw. It was a mexican market and we begrudgingly opted to go in feeling like we were cheating on London's fine cuisine... only for all of about 0.5 seconds when they brought out the most aromatic mint tea {for Grams!} and a perfectly spiced michelada {for me!} It was tapas style so the portions were just right, pork tacos were to die for and the guacamole... definitely something to write blog about! My favourite was our churro and chocolate dessert!

new year's wishes + twentytwelve's dreams.

2012-01-03T09:32:00.000-05:00

Happiness is what happens when your dreams come true.

-Wicked the Musical

Bonne annee, mon ami! I'm currently en route back to reality {Read: Seattle} with a looong layover in Paris followed by an even looonger layover overnight in Amsterdam... but I kinda enjoy airports so I'm using this "free time" to people watch, read for pleasure and drink as much Coca-Cola Light as I can stomach before I leave this lovely continent and head back to the real world, where both free time and C.C. Light do not exist.

I've been thinking a lot about what twenty12 will hold for me. Even though the fireworks display in London was absolutely spectacular, I was incredibly sad to see this last year come to an end. It was a whimsical ride... many, many, many ups and downs... characterized by immense growth {both personally and professionally}, repeated tests of strength, continual healing and perpetual happiness... of the genuine kind.

I loved every minute of it, even the hard times, and when I try to envision what 2012 has in store, my tunnel vision only allows me to see the adult decisions that I will need to make that I kept putting off last year because I didn't have to grow up, yet... not until next year... which is all-of-a-sudden the present.

They weren't kidding when they said time flies when you're having fun.

I was told that in France they don't make resolutions but instead make wishes for the new year. So, I've decided to dream up twelve wishes, one per month if you will, to help me reach my ultimate goal of figuring out what the helck I'm doing with my life... in hopes that if I am exactly where I want to be, it will lead me to where I need to be.

My New Year's Wishes + Twenty12 Dreams

1. ORGANIZE + SIMPLIFY. Sort through the clutter. Keep only the treasures... and then put them in special places, preferably color-coded + labeled.

2. TRAIN + MAINTAIN. Find Amy Aerobix. Make her swim, bike, lift and run. Then make her do 10 more reps of each.

3. DOMESTICATE + CREATE. Cook. Bake. Sew. Knit. Find my green thumb + let my craftastic slip show.

4. BUDGET + SAVE. Become one with le frugal. Pinch my pennies + rub them together for good luck, good luck with that nest egg incubating in my make-believe savings account. Open savings account.

5. CELEBRATE + EAT CAKE. Mondays. Every day. Holidays. Birthdays. Small feats. Big victories. The little things. The great people. Put on a party hat + always have cupcakes on hand.

6. EXPLORE + EXPERIENCE. The outdoors. Alaska. Around me. New restaurants. New avenues. Add stamps to that passport that is expiring in 1.5 years.

7. DOCUMENT + PRESERVE. Through photographs. And writing. And eloquent combinations of the two. Make memories. Record them so you'll never forget.

8. BALANCE + STEADY. Balance in diet, exercise {See Wish #2} and rest {See Wish #11}. Be flexible::do yoga. Take your vitamins. Drink lots of H2O and put on sunblock.

9. COMMUNICATE + STAY IN TOUCH. Respond to e-mails people take the time to write you. Write postcards. Remember anniversaries. Be a better friend, sister, grand{daughter}, auntie, nurse.

10. LEARN + SYNTHESIZE. Until my brain hurts. Focus. It's only one year and then you are a master. Suck it up and process it with a smile... or quit. But you're not a quitter.

11. BE LAZY + SMELL THE DAISIES. Sleep in... or just sleep, for more than three hours a night. Sloooow down. Forget about what's next. Be present in the what's now. Create a routine, why dontcha?

12. TAKE CHANCES + LEAPS OF FAITH. Keep an open mind. Be confident. Follow your heart. Love. Love. Love.

Love. Love. Love.

much-to-celebrate-monday: london calling.

2012-01-02T20:27:00.003-05:00

It's the first Monday of twenty12 and today Grams + I celebrated our final day in London. It was a brilliant day full of sunshiney skies, changing of the guards, spectacular london eye views and the grand finale of Wicked at the Apollo Victoria Theatre! I'm hoping that our celebration lasts 'til the wee hours of the morning and we forget to return to reality tomorrow.

And yes, I am aware that these are instagrams... but their X-large presence adds so much beauty to this extra large celebration! =)

favourite moment of twenty11.

2012-01-01T08:23:00.003-05:00

After watching a spectacular firework display from the twenty-seventh floor of our hotel, Grams and I returned to our room to drink wine + have a dance party {roomies, you would have been proud.} We had been talking about our resolutions over dinner and how fast this year flew by and all the experiences we were lucky enough to see and everything we hoped the new year would bring us.

Then I proposed the question: What was your favourite moment of twenty11? And as we sat on our separate twin beds pondering, I thought about every day spent with reesey, turning a quarter century old, how close my sister + I are, the feeling of letting go, getting accepted to grad school, a teenage dream come true... like a reel of memographical footage as the highlights of twentyeleven played back in my head... but there is only one instant that remembering reduces me to tears and it happened on our annual roommate reunion.

We were in San Diego frolicking in the sunshine. Loving on Jess's growing belly on our babymoon. Stopping to look at diamond rings in window displays because next year at this time Megan would be engaged {when really we all secretly knew in less than a month, David was going to ask her to marry her}. Celebrating Carly's writing career... and trying to help me figure out what direction I would be heading in from here {the answer: Seattle.} We ate lovely meals. We shopped in boutiques. We reminisced about the days when we were all a part of our everydays and dreamed of a life where we would all live on the same cul-de-sac raising our babies as best friends.

On the second night, we all got ready together in one bathroom curling each other's hair, borrowing each other's clothes and having a dance party... for old time's sake. We headed to the Gaslamp district for dinner + more dancing. We were seated on the second floor of the restaurant. We placed our orders with our sweet, little waiter who asked us what the occasion was, "We were roommates in college. We reunite once a year somewhere in the world." Jess blessed the spectacular meal we were about to eat, one in which she received the filet mignon instead of the flank on accident + for no extra cost. Then, our waiter brought us out a free dessert to celebrate with us + celebrate that we prayed before our meal; he was watching from a distance. As we sat there eating our tiramisu, an acoustic singer started playing down below... and it was in this moment as the chords began to reverberate through the restaurant, that you could literally feel the world's revolution slow down... as if the universe was telling us, "Stop. Savor this moment. Look around at the four of you. How far you all have come, together. What you have gotten you through, together. What your presence means in each other's lives. Enjoy these small moments. With your three best friends." And as the guitar player reached the chorus and the Earth's cadence began to speed up, Megan whispered, with tears in her eyes, "I miss us."

Adulthood is hard but knowing we will come to each other no matter where this crazy world takes us makes the living part easy. As I grow older, I've found an immense amount of comfort knowing that although we are changing and finding our own place in very different parts of the world, we haven't lost each other. Counting down the days 'til roommate reunion 2012.

winter wonderland::a place to be experienced.

2011-12-30T21:32:00.000-05:00

There's nothing wrong with being happy.

There's nothing wrong with enjoying something so much it strips away all that irony and cynicism.

And there is nothing wrong with loving anything so much that it feels it could pull your heart out of your chest and toss it on the floor.

We build ourselves up to not do that, and then we build up the armor so thickly that we have trouble finding what's underneath.

We use that as an excuse to lash out at people who do feel stuff, who do like things.

It's hard sometimes to remember that the world isn't a place to glide through, so nothing can touch you.

It's a place to be experienced.

--Todd VanDerWerff*

*Thank you, Carly, for this fabulous quote!

atop the eiffel ala {instagram}.

2011-12-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

the one where she went to europe + only took photos with instagram.

2011-12-29T17:56:00.000-05:00

I'm {almost} ashamed to admit that all week I have been putting my actual camera away to take pictures with my iphone, more specifically instagram. {Follow me @joc_lense}. This continent is a pseudo-photographer's dream, with so much history written in to every brick, stone and statue. There is an incredible amount of culture hidden in each window display, restaurant and city street... and a huge part of me feels like I am failing to capture it properly, immediately filtering it into a "Nashville" version of its real beauty. I've promised myself to remove the gum from the front of my camera to allow the lens to open properly tomorrow so I can take some actual photographs on our hop on, hop off tour of London but in the interim...

Location: Academie Nationale de Musique, Paris, France

perfect night in paris.

2011-12-29T17:28:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday night, Grams + I met Kim near the Moulin Rouge at a tiny little hole-in-the-wall by the name of Refuge des Fondus.

The owner was rude in true French fashion. The cheese was average and you only get a basket of bread to dip in it but there is something that I absolutely love about the atmosphere that makes you feel like you are having the swirliest dining experience. Sitting family style, there are only two tables in the whole place and there is always a line outside to get one of the coveted seats. You sit squished next to a stranger, undoubtedly speaking in another language but don't worry because the wine comes served in baby bottles so when it inevitably gets knocked over, it won't spill. Carly and I ate here a few summers back and it was one of two things on my "must do in paris" list.

I discovered this unassuming fondue restaurant in a Cosmopolitan magazine, presumably in an article about how Paris is the most romantic city in the world and if you came to France with your lover, this restaurant would be the perfect beginning to a perfect night that could end with a winding walk through the enchanting streets of Montmartre before the perfect proposal in front of the stunning Sacre-Coeur {that's french for sacred heart.}

Sans my future husband, Grams, Kim + I's night did not end here at Sacre-Coeur. We headed to the Arc de Triumphe for drinks at Sir Winston's before accidentally timing it perfectly and leaving right when the actual lights are turned off on the Eiffel Tower and just the twinkling lights sparkle on at 1 AM.

It was the perfect night in Paris.

2011: a year in review

2011-12-28T20:24:00.000-05:00

In retrospect, the insane night that was N.Y.E. 2010 was an absolutely hilarious foreshadowing of the wild year that was ahead of me. When this photograph was taken, I had absolutely no idea where I was going with my life. I had not the smallest inkling that in two months time, I would get to live with Meggie again nearly three years after our college roommate days ended. Just in town for the night, I had no idea that the hospital I would soon work at on my first travel assignment is in the background of this photog. For all I knew when this picture was snapped as the fireworks lit up the sky over Tampa Bay at midnight, my carriage was about to turn back in to a pumpkin and I was about to lose a shoe frantically running down a staircase to return to Tennessee... but twentyeleven had other plans for me: to fill my life with every opportunity to be with the people who mean the absolute most... and when I reflect back on all the places this past year has taken me {it was a whimsical ride on one incredibly scenic route, all right!} I think most about the people it brought me near and how much their presence has meant the moon to me by helping my heart fully heal and pushing me perpetually forward...closer to making my hopes + dreams + fairytales a reality... less on the suburbs and more smack dab in the center of my utopia.

Following suit of last year's radical review, I present to you...

Twenty-Eleven: The year I grabbed life by its sapphire-encrusted horns... and seized every opportunity that came with each new day.

In January, I took on the best job in the world: full-time Auntie to the most beautiful baby girl. My heart grew bigger each day spent with reesey bird and we began celebrating the small things, like snow days and southern traditions... mostly on Mondays. I took full advantage of the close proximity to Jess and our weekly adventures in Nashville got a little more exciting when we learned there wasn't just two of us consuming all those pickles and ice cream...

In February, Cupid delivered. The month started out with an unforgettable trip to D.C. to see Meg+Danny. And then I moved in to the Magic Kingdom for an entire week... it was definitely the happiest place on Earth with all of its copious amounts of Reese + sunshine. Valentine's Day was a lovely hybrid of sushi + old times... and the rest of the month was spent consuming vitamin d on the beach while preparing to go back to work on the twenty-eighth.

March was the month that I discovered my love for mangoes. My heart smiled as pathological optimism manifested in super-giddy swoons on Sundays. I was falling in love with my new/old roommates + enjoying days off in South Tampa. I got to celebrate Kate's 6th birthday + attend my cousin's dessert reception with Grams as my date. Most memorable, March was the month full of madness when I learned I was going to become a master.

In April, I was perpetually on spring break and I became Allegiant's Air most frequent flyer. Kara came down J. Buff + Megalina made me the best michelada. One fabu weekend in Seattle where I ate sushi next to the Olsen twins and my heart was officially set on the Pacific Northwest for the summer! April was awesome.

May was full of Spanish celebrations as the final days as roommates came to an end. I found myself back in Tennessee in the middle of the month for Liz's dream wedding in Nashville with my beautiful date before I flew to Costa Rica for a fiesta di divorcio with Laurel to scratch a few things off my bucket list at the end of May. Before leaving Tampa, I found the perfect bar and Kate + I went to the zoo, too.

I was lucky enough to have the entire month of June off where I spent every weekend in a different part of the country. San Diego was my favourite of the four: our annual roommate reunion {love these girls}. After a lovely ten-day Canadian vacation, Syd + I had the best road trip cross country. At the end, I was officially a grad student/seattle resident.

Oh my, July! Possibly my favourite memories of the year occurred on a sports field... and getting to be a part of Christopher singing the national anthem at a Red Sox game in Fenway Field was one of my favourite moments in time. Meg + David got engaged. Carly + I mastered the art of summering in LaLaLand and on every sunny afternoon in Seattle, you could find me on my rooftop.

Summer was in full swing in the P.N.W. in August. I spent the mornings perusing farmers markets, afternoons kayaking and evenings rollerblading at sunset. I made an awesome friend of the bi-weekly bestie sorts. We went to Lake Shuswap. Baby Ella finally arrived! Kara + Creed came to visit. And then I went to Las Vegas, where all memory {and dignity} was lost on the Strip.

September was full of celebrating to the maximum. I celebrated good music at Bumbershoot with a little Ray LaMontagne. I celebrated Miss Reese turning one year old. I celebrated my own twenty-fifth birthday. I celebrated in Vancouver and I celebrated with my closest friend in Seattle at Mount Rainier. I celebrated the start of the first official quarter of my master's program and the first day of Fall.

In October, the paradigms shifted and the beginning of my quarter-life crisis began. I was swamped with working + school full-time and missed my friends and family immensely. Nursing felt like the last career I should be pursuing to a higher level... I dyed my hair brown but didn't celebrate one Monday in October. I did, however, attend my very first Canuck game, baked my very first pie, go on my first, second + last blind dates + had a super fun Halloweekend in LA.

November to me meant a homecoming that was much needed in both of my "hometowns". After moving in with my wonderful new roommate, I returned to Winnipeg to love on my baby cousins and attend Sammi+Ryan's fairytale wedding. I saw every single person in Manitoba that mean so very much to me before flying to Florida for Thanksgiving. It was a whirlwind weekend with friends, family and a teenage dream that made the seventeen-year-old me feel alive inside. November was full of little scraps of magic, memories of something fine + strong.

...and that brings me to today, December. The final days of the year when I spend most waking moments reflecting on the last year. The lessons I learned. The way in which my priorities change as I grow up. Everything I've accomplished but how far I need to go to get to exactly where I want to be. Twentyeleven was one hell of a year and a parisian Christmas with Grams is the perfect way to close one ahhmazing chapter. I survived the semester. I made it through {almost} a full year of travel nursing and good lawd, did I have fun.

We're flying to London today to ring in the New Year with Big Ben. Here's to hoping 2012 adequately prepares me to be a nurse practitioner, adds more stamps to my passport, makes me a real photographer, allows me to optimize my prime and perhaps find the answers to my least favourite question of 2011: Where/when are you going to settle down?

Have a Happy New Year, my lovelies!!

my favorite photog, perhaps.

2011-12-27T05:34:00.000-05:00

My aspirations of being a super chic fashionista in Paris quickly left me when I spent the first three days in my grandma's spandex and the shirt Delta gave me for losing my luggage but this shoe, ohmyword. Found on the -1 level of a magnificent department store somewhere close to the opera house, I'm lucky it didn't fit so I wasn't forced to buy it.

oh, happy christmas!!

2011-12-25T21:14:00.002-05:00

Today was the loveliest French-infused Christmas Day. I watched Elf in bed until noon before Grams and I bundled up and walked through the neighbourhood, salted caramel latte in hand. The streets were bustling with Parisians, grabbing fresh baguettes for their feast. We window shopped drooling over the cheese in the fromagerie, smelling the fresh flowers that lined the streets and eyeing a dessert roll that we would consume later that evening. We had brunch at Auntie Paul's apartment {pancakes and candied rose-petal infused champagne} and opened our stocking stuffers before strolling over to Kim's apartment later this evening. The Eiffel Tower lit up the night's sky on our entire walk across the river. We made one final stop at a bakery to pick up our own fresh baguette to compliment our fish & curried prawns dinner. We exchanged small gifts + laughed until it was no longer officially Christmas before we made the walk back over the bridge and played four rounds of skip-bo... in which I was declared the winner!! Oh, Happy Christmas!

t'was the night before christmas...

2011-12-24T20:40:00.002-05:00

and just as I climbed in to bed at 10:30 with a wicked case of jet lag and a cup of tea, Grams proclaimed, "It was tradition growing up. The only service we attended all year was midnight mass on Christmas Eve." Next thing I know I'm donning my boots + beret, racing through metro stations and running through the cobblestone streets of Paris. Just as we crossed over the Seine, you could hear the bells chiming from a few blocks away and as we rounded the corner, the night lit up by the Notre Dame Cathedral and all it's Christmas Eve glory.

It was never on my bucket list to attend midnight mass on Christmas Eve in the Notre Dame cathedral but I'm telling you, you should add it to yours. The choir. The incense. The candlelight. The organ.

The entire service was in French but I swear I could feel the meaning of every word. After the lovely mass, we grabbed a chocolat chaud and hailed a cab back to our quaint little apartment in hopes that Saint Nick soon would be here.

Happy Christmas to all and to all a bonne nuit.

s.l.c.

2011-12-23T17:03:00.000-05:00

I think it finally hit me some time around 10PM last night when I was trying to fall asleep to get up at o'darkhundred to make my 6:00AM flight that I was actually going to Paris today! I poured myself a bottle a wine, cracked open the cookie dough and rocked around the {make-belief} Christmas tree to Michael Buble's christmas album to the wee hours of this morning... I never actually fell asleep last night but I did clean the house spotless, build a bookshelf, unpack a few boxes, do three loads of laundry, watch Midnight in Paris (awful movie), pack my 52lb suitcase and take a bath... {Productivity is a matter of perception.}

I did fall asleep before take-off on the short 1.5 hour flight to Salt Lake City where I woke up when we ~~slammed~~ touched down. I proceeded to groggily cab in to the city's center to explore the Temple. I {obvi} wasn't allowed in to the real one but the replica in the visitor's center looks magnifique!

It's rather cold here in Salt Lake City but in just one more hour, I will be en route to Paris! ~~bon voyage, beetches!~~ joyeux noel, mon amours!! =)

bonne anniversaire.

2011-12-22T02:42:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, my beautiful mama! And to Mr. Rick and Barb, Auntie Dona-Leigh, Auntie Linda, Jenn, Sammi and sweet baby Jesus... a very happy {and very belated!!} birthday to all of you wonderful people born in December, too! =)

all he does is win.

2011-12-14T23:27:00.000-05:00

Tim Tebow: Everything in Between Interview & Production Outtakes from FCTN on Vimeo.

I have expressed my love for Tebow on several occasions on this blog {like here and here}... and when searching my blogger for past posts about said superhero, I found the video below in a draft I had written in May about Timmy's muscles... accompanied by a clever tag line something along the lines of "T.T.'s triceps fuel me."

Anyways, for the first time in my life, I am following pro football... well actually just Tebow... and Prater, too (he was the kicker for my high school football team! Go Wildcats!) I still don't really understand the sport. I know there's four quarters. Four downs... and recently, I've been loving all the ways the number four has crept in to my life... I know there's a field, particularly a fifty yard line, where the grass is freshly cut and probably damp with dew? And I know the object of the game is to score. And that's really the extent of my knowledge... but knowing zilch about football, I can still watch a Broncos game and know there is something supernatural about it! Its like there are angels strategically placing fumbles in almost field goal range and invisible unicorns that carry Prater's perfectly kicked ball through the posts.
Watching Tebow play in the Swamp on Saturdays for three years was incredible. The way he carried the team... he was virtually unstoppable {May I remind you of the jump pass? And Superman strikes again...} It's unbelievable the way he scores {touchdowns} and good lawd, do I love the contours of his body. I've seen them IRL up close and personal at a pool party senior year of college. Yup, god's gift to women.

I was told yesterday that Tebow had a 1 in 860,000 chance of winning the last six games... and he did it. The way he wins against all odds makes me want to put on a Tebow jersey and go hop a fence.

God Bless and Go Broncos! GB{squared}

boyce avenue.

2011-12-14T00:43:00.000-05:00

My favourite band to rock out to while I stuff my brain full with pathophysiology...
Every one of Boyce Avenue's covers is absolutely amazing. Like this one and this one and this one and this one. Aaaand this one and this one and this one.

And this one.

much-to-celebrate-monday: scraps of magic.

2011-12-12T03:07:00.001-05:00

I seriously love Mondays. I know I say this every Monday but I really do. I have this obsession with milestones and cornerstones and family stones... all those subtle markers that make you aware of passage of time, making certain that life doesn't fly by without you stopping to reflect on where you've been and where you're headed...that amidst the uncertainty, your life is exactly where it is supposed to be... even if it feels like a wild ride. Mondays to me are that calm before the rollercoaster makes that last creak over the top that sends you spinning in to a weeklong oblivion, that perfect view of every loop-di-loo you'll have to get through before the winds of life whip through your hair...

Celebrations are only complete when cupcakes are consumed.

This week I am celebrating little scraps of magic. I am celebrating that I got an A on my case study, an A on my final presentation, two papers written (that do not have grades yet) and a 100% on my neonatal final last night! I am celebrating that I only have two more finals to go. I am celebrating that I have 6 shifts left and then an unknown employment situation come January. It must be celebrated that I'm so stressed about school, I don't have enough cortisol to stress about the fact that I won't have a job in the new year, as of yet. {Eeeek.} I am celebrating that I'm slowly piecing my room together, framing pictures, lighting candles, building bookshelves and what not. Enjoying those small things. I'm celebrating that it's less than two weeks 'til Christmas and my heart is filled with so much holiday cheer as everything tastes like peppermint, everything smells like Christmas cookies and our halls are decked with real, live mistletoe. & to all those European Christmas villages, I am coming for you! I am celebrating sweet Gideon and the miracle he is. He touched my heart, that angel baby.

Let go of the handlebars and celebrate!

awkward & awesome.

2011-12-11T14:18:00.001-05:00

1. Awkward - Auntie Awesome's scary face!
   Awesome - Reesey Bird's oh-so-scary face!

2. Awkward - Occupying Starbucks for 2 days straight to write a ten-page research paper. When returning to the counter for my third venti caramel brulee latte with light whip in six hours, the barista politely asking, "Have you tried any of our skinny drinks?"
   Awesome - Staying at Starbucks from 2:00 til 2:00 two days in a row and eavesdropping on the all the conversations happening around me... which sent me in to a perpetual daydream of the days when me and the roommates were four of those Abercrombie-clad, giggly pseudo-adult-ish undergrads whose edges of our world didn't extend past classes, love lives, Friday nights and the perfect combination of four closets, either. Such lovely little daydreams of the best days of my life that penetrated my paper-writing-marathon...

3. Awkward- Accidentally downloading N*SYNC's Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays music video circa 1998 instead of the single on iTunes.
   Awesome- Accidentally downloading N*SYNC's Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays music video circa 1998 instead of the single on iTunes. You're welcome.

4. Awkward- Having my patient's sterile bedside decorated from the floor to the ceiling with presents and enough tinsel to send my incubator to space by an unstable mother who believes she went straight to North Pole and sat on Santa's lap.
   Awesome - Running to Trophy, a cupcakery around the corner from my hospital, on my break to get out of the ~~psych ward~~ NICU and indulge in a hazelnut chocolate cupcake!

5. Awkward - Ugly crying in the small cabin of a plane for four and a half hours writing a good-bye letter, ignoring the quizzical looks from the unfortunate passenger assigned to the seat next to me.
   Awesome - Pressing send, setting my heart free and giving a much needed update to my modern day fairytale. Oh, it's a happy ending, all right!

dates with kates.

2011-12-06T19:15:00.001-05:00

Although these two lovely gatherings deserve two special posts of their own, this is my EIGHT HUNDREDTH blog post and it needed to be extra spectacular so I'm combining two very awesome play dates I went on last week with incredible people both named Kate! {And besides, the title rhymes and the poet in me is tickled pink about it.}

When Rhonda told me that her, Kevin and my little angel Kate were going to be on a tiny island off the coast of Fort Myers for Thanksgiving, I squealed with delight! Last Saturday, I was able to spend all afternoon on little adventures guided by the wild imagination of the six-year-old Miss Kate, just her and I! I met her collection of stuffed animals including a lone beaver in a herd of puppies + kitties. "I want to be a dog shampooer when I grow up!" I learned about all her friends in her first grade class. When I asked how many she had, she humbly replied, "Ummm... like a baker's dozen!" She reluctantly showed me her very advanced reading skills + has a vernacular that consists of more three syllable words than I even know.

We fished on the dock, her and I. We went out for a delicious seafood dinner {thank you, Nona!} + then we hunted for shells down the beach as the light of the moon danced on the Gulf. "That's a planet, you know!" Her memory of our days together is even more vivid than mine and much of our conversations now begin with Kate saying, "Remember when..." and that just makes my heart smile because perhaps my favourite three years of my life were making memories with Miss Kate... and my heart will carry on smiling knowing they'll never be forgotten and there will be many more days, just her and I. =)

As if my awesome Sunday in Sanibel wasn't enough Kate to fill my heart eight hundred times over, Monday I met Katie Bug and Kate + her girl tribe for lunch at Olive Garden just down the street from our high school, to pay homage to the old times and reminisce about life when we all lived in the same city and saw each other every single day. Although I absolutely adore reading her silly antics every morning with my caramel brulee latte to start my day off laughing, it's a little surreal getting to interact with Kylie and love on Piper in person. They are the two sweetest babies and I'm so happy we've kept in touch the last 7+ years! As magnificent as it is to have a friend like Kate in my life, its pretty special to get to be a part of her girls' lives too!

life is funny.

2011-12-06T18:58:00.001-05:00

Life isn't just funny, it's an absolutely hilarious continuum of guffaws... in that laugh out loud walking through the produce aisle, burst in to a fit of giggles standing in line at Starbucks, snicker to myself in the shower, chortle in the middle of yoga until you snort, kind-of-way. Love this life.

much-to-celebrate-monday.

2011-12-05T00:52:00.000-05:00

I feel like I shouldn't be celebrating because I have too much on my plate {As Katie would say... and I can't eat it all!} I literally don't have time for distractions but I'm still on a bit of a high from last week's ah-mazing visit to Florida and I can hardly contain my excitement! Aaaand it's the first Monday of December and there is a little drummer boy dancing around in my heart chanting Celebrate! Celebrate!

... so I'm going to. I am celebrating that the end is near. I gave up a long time ago to try to get ahead of the game but if I make it through this semester, I will feel mucho accomplished. Nine more shifts, three more finals, one final presentation and one 10-page paper and I'm done! Then, I am off to Paris to immerse myself in the French culture and forget about nursing and how it consumes every waking minute of my life. I'm also celebrating that if I really do pull this semester off without an ulcer, I will actually consider re-enrolling in school in January...

I am celebrating that I am finally unpacking my life in my lovely little home. I have been sleeping on a camping mattress for the last three weeks and thanks to the kindness of a schoolmate, I have a bed!! I slept in it for the first time last night and accidentally didn't get up til noon today. I made a visit to IKEA and found a Snow White-esque dresser 40% off {I never find anything on sale.} that I only put together wrong twice... the second time I left it inside-out... and now I kinda like it with the screws on the outside...

I am celebrating that the sun has been shining the last two days in Seattle. It is a freezing forty degrees but the Vitamin D I consume sitting in coffee shop windows makes me not mind the cold, not one {frost}bit.

I am celebrating that Seattle life is so conducive to studying. There is an abundance of coffee shops in every little niche of this city but I discovered a new one last week that raised the bar when I was able to start a tab at 10AM. I wrote a paper for 6 hours ordering round after round of lattes before switching to PBRs for happy hour in the afternoon! For the record, the paper turned out perfect.

Joyeux Lundi, mon ami!

owned the night.

2011-12-02T23:52:00.001-05:00

Tags: We Owned the Night, Lady Antebellum, Lady Antebellum Videos

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2011-11-30T13:54:00.001-05:00

The scarf was hung on the family cat with care...

Hidden under the striped, yellow tent was the perfect tree...

for hugging & lighting & filling our hearts with so much cheer... and the living room with the sweet scent of a perfect pine.

As the sound of White Christmas played on in the background, the decorating of the tree is one of many favourite family traditions that I just love about this time of year! 25 days til Christmas!! =)

keep counting + give thanks.

2011-11-23T23:53:00.001-05:00

I survived my seventy-two-hours of using every lifesaving skill I possess {from catheters to IVs to blood cultures, the only thing I don't think I attempted in the last six days was chest compressions. Thank gawd.} ...and I can hardly wait to hop on a plane in the morning knowing that by nightfall I will get to cuddle my sweet reese and reunite with family and friends in the Sunshine State at approximately nine-thirty tomorrow evening.

This past year has been a whirlwind of many incredible {albeit} scary changes... from hair colour to geographical location to career direction right down to the changing of the rhythm in my heart. When I reflect on last Thanksgiving, I was making the hardest decision I have ever had to make, one that would change every aspect of life as I knew it. One that brought me an insurmountable amount of happiness coupled with more sadness than I ever thought possible... One I {still} question every single day.

When I left, I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going... and most days... exactly one year later... my future is just as unknown as the day I left... This uncertainty can be horribly uncomfortable some days but I am so thankful that I keep finding the strength to continually push forward in the most unsettling of times.

Two steps forward, one step back seems to be the new cadence of my life. I set an intention 365 days ago to get in touch with all the things that make me internally happy, the vital gems of my make-up... and its these precious constants that have carried me through the darkest of days... and shed light on the grand scheme... that suburb of a utopia that feels closer and closer the further it slips away... but I'm eternally thankful for everything I have learned along the way about life and love and {mostly about} myself.

Today I am counting my blessings + feeling full of thanks.

I have been blessed with the most fantastic network of friends. I am thankful for every heart I've borrowed, every shoulder I've cried on, every one that I've laughed with and every memory I've made.

I have been blessed with the most pathological optimism. I am thankful that I can find beauty in the smallest places, kindness in every person and laugh + learn at my own mistakes while forgiving others for theirs.

I have been blessed with the most amazing family. I am thankful for the bond that continues to strengthen between me + my sister, my baby niece who makes my heart grow bigger everyday and the rockstar genes of the Davis women who make me proud to be one of them.

I have been blessed with the most innate ability to dream. I am thankful for my internal drive to achieve more, strive higher and never ever settle for the less than the life I imagine in my dreams.

I have been blessed with the most rewarding career. I am thankful for the opportunity it affords me to make a difference every shift, to challenge me as I learn something new every day and the flexibility to allow me to keep dreaming bigger + bigger from anywhere in the world.

I have been blessed with a life founded on the principles of love. I am so thankful for the amount of love that I feel surrounded by friends + family, at a job that allows me to love what I do best and a life that fills my heart with more love than it can anatomically contain... on a daily basis.

Keep counting + give thanks.

much-to-celebrate-monday.

2011-11-21T22:36:00.000-05:00

Is it really Monday? I have lost all sense of time working these past few days... ever work two weeks worth of work in 6 days taking care of a screaming neuro kid and a septic micro-premie with a schizophrenic mother? Don't recommend it... unless of course it means you get to come home from a whirlwind wedding week in Winnipeg and then fly to Florida for Thanksgiving! =) I am sooo super excited to celebrate my turkey day on a plane to my old stomping grounds to see the lovely likes of Kara + Reese, Kate + Rhonda, Katie + her girl tribe, Jess + Ella, Megan + her diamond ring and my Gallos! The celebrating starts right now.

I am celebrating that when I got off shift this evening, I wrote an exam and got every question right!! Granted the content was on neonatal physiology {my bread + butter} but none-the-less, 100%. I think I'm getting the hang of this whole grad school thing...

I am celebrating that today is the two year anniversary of one of my favourite nights of my life... Megan and Danny's wedding! They make me believe it is possible to fall more in love with someone every single day...

I am celebrating my new place. Nothing makes me happier than pulling up to my red door with the porch light on knowing just on the other side, Buddy the dog will be there to greet me and it will probably smell like a fabulous meal smothered in garlic is in the works...

... {lamb-stuffed squash and kale} by my fabulous roommate, Sarah... and ohmyword, am I celebrating her martha stewart like qualities... including cooking, sewing and baking cookies from scratch at midnight because we just so happen to have all the ingredients in the cupboard! Every night I have stayed up way too late sitting at the dining room table drinking tea and giggling like the school girls that we are {again}!

Happy Thanksgiving week, friends! It's going to be a lovely few sunshine-clad days full of reunions, sandy beaches, counting my blessings, swirly sunsets, Reeseybird cuddles and shopping + drinking + eating!! Gobble til ya wobble, baby.

hash tags + #thehighlightsofhome.

2011-11-20T01:32:00.001-05:00

A picturesque sunset over the Pacific at the border set the tone to the beginning of an incredible holiday in Manitoba last week! Going home was exactly the break I needed after writing midterms {maybe in between the ceremony + reception?} before the crunch time of finishing out the semester hits next week. I'm currently reaching a new level of exhaustion, working my third of six shifts in a row, but I am so glad I have some instagrams to remind me of my favourite moments {in no particular order!} to carry me through that seventy-second hour...

1. Sammi & Ryan's fairytale wedding... and waking up to a wicked hangover + a menu that did not serve "dignity" #muchtomydismay

2. Cuddles with my baby cousins... in beanies and bellies. #eyesofanangel

3. Tournaments with Grams... her dicey skills are improving... rolling a yahtzee of sixes as I was walking out the door to catch my flight! #thatlittlerotter

4. Sleepovers that consisted of an abundance of clarifying pillow talk with Tasha & a lovely dinner made by Baba... with the fabulous company of the soon-to-be bride! 07-07-12 #datesaved

5. Conversations over draft beers and bottles of wine with close friends. #friendsaresthefamilyyouchoose.

6. Family traditions... like the Santa Claus parade... and warm enough weather in November to enjoy it. #thankyoumothernature

7. Cheering on the local team after a family dinner relishing in the small town goodness of Dauphin... where everybody knows everybody. #everybodycallsyafriend

8. My dream date for the wedding... and the company of old co-workers turned forever friends. #girlaftermyownheart

9. Planning our eurotrip in our jammies over a cup of coffee with an encyclopedia, a pen and paper watching the first snow fall out the window. #whoneedsgoogleimage

10. Learning that it is okay to realize that sometimes right where you started from is right where you belong... now if I only could figure out how to bottle up + preserve the happiness that is generated from the comforts of being home... #homeiswheretheheartis #suburbsofutopia

oh, happy dream.

2011-11-18T18:44:00.000-05:00

Its tradition. Every time I come home, I dig to the top of the closet, get the bright blue box down off the highest shelf and try on my mama's wedding gown circa 1984.

The fabric, a hand-stitched, Kate Middleton-esque lacy number, is beautifully embroidered with the tiniest beads along the sweetheart neckline... and just when I think there couldn't possibly be any more, I always seem to find a clump of confetti hidden amongst the veil, a palpable catalyst that sends my wild imagination in to overdrive, envisioning my blushing self in my own perfect dress bursting through wooden church doors with the love of my life beside me as we step out in to our forever for the first time. Oh, happy day.

As a child, the gown hung off of me like a giant, over-sized sheet and I would trip on the train as I walked down the aisle (Read: the hallway in the cabin)... but every year it seems to fit me more and more like a ~~glove~~ glass slipper... I feel like I am floating on clouds as I glide down the "aisle" and the train gracefully sweeps across the floor behind me. It's with each snuggier {I am the self-proclaimed queen of lexicons.} fitting, I swear I hear a quiet whisper amidst the swishing and swooshing of the crinoline, "Your turn will come one day, too. Be patient. That perfect day full of love and family and friends that you have been dreaming about since you were ten will turn in to a reality. Every little detail. He's out there and he will be well worth the wait. Have faith. That serendipitous meet-cute when your two hearts intwine at first sight... it's faithfully written in the stars. Keep loving + carry on wishing." Oh, happy dream.

merry movember: face grown & hand brushed.

2011-11-17T18:35:00.001-05:00

I'm pretty sure Movember might be my new favourite month of the year. There's nothing that makes this girl's heart skip beats like a super rugged 5 o clock shadow! The amount of facial hair I have seen in airports, grocery stores, wedding parties, hockey games, etc. the past seventeen days makes me straight-up giddy! Moustaches are uber sexy but Matty's beard just might take the proverbial cake changing the face of men's health! =) I heart MO.

me + the geese.

2011-11-16T17:08:00.001-05:00

As the snow rolls in and the temperatures drop below freezing, me + the geese are heading south for the winter... but I promise, my Manitoba, I will be back! You have completely redeemed yourself in all your comforting ways that make you + the cabin the warmest of homes! I'm so happy my {Canadian} love affair is back on... with a reckless abandon that leaves my fickle heart desiring more...

much-to-celebrate-monday.

2011-11-07T18:55:00.002-05:00

I have two exams to write this week before I take off to the Great White North to celebrate these two stunning lovebirds and see all the beautiful people in Manitoba who I miss so dearly for six entire days. I have not had time to capture all the moments I am celebrating this week so I will leave you with lovely engagement photogs of the soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. McVeigh... because they're really who this week is about! =)

Have I mentioned my life is currently in boxes and bins between two different places in two very separate neighbourhoods that requires me spending forty minutes on the 5 to make the 8-mile commute between the two... and have I told you that I am working the next three nights when I have so much packing and cleaning and studying to do before I fly out on Thursday... from Vancouver, none-the-less? I'm so glad I spent my teenage years in a home that didn't believe in sleeping in... no matter how scattered my hormones were or what kind of growth spurt I was enduring... At the time, it only made me moodier but in retrospect, I'm thankful for the "sleep when you are dead" mantra that woke me up at 10AM every weekend morning. I never would have thought that teenage angst would have prepared me so well for my twenty-somethings when sleep was no longer a necessity but something I do exclusively on Sundays. Heinsight, always twenty/twenty.

Somehow, I still have the energy to celebrate today...Monday! My favourite day of the week! The fresh start where I can forget about all the things I didn't get done last week and draw out a schematic of the amount of hours in each day and appropriate each one to studying/cleaning/packing/working... the careful crafting of a master plan to get thru this week... pausing briefly to remind myself to breathe, inhale/exhale, repeat.

I am celebrating the changing of seasons... the red and yellow trees that pepper the streets are losing their leaves and turning every sidewalk in to an autumn-hued blanket of Fall. The peaks of the Cascades to the West and the Olympics to the East are covered in a blanket of snow off there in the distance and it gets dark here at a prompt 4:43 p.m. The temps have dropped to a mere 40 degrees in the evening but the sun in still fighting a strong battle, shining ever-so-brightly for ten glorious hours. Winter is coming, I can feel it in my bones... but how fabulous will it be to live in a winter-sports mecca where I will spend my days off snow shoeing and snowboarding this January? Renewed outlook, at its finest.

I am greatly celebrating that there is one month left of the autumn quarter. Contrary to what my circadian rhythm thinks, I might just make it through since I got a 94% on my last exam. (We won't talk about my patho exam...) School has proven to be harder and a heavier workload than I ever thought possible but I am celebrating the constant challenge that is pushing me outside my comfort zone and making my brain think in depths I didn't know I had, think cellular level.

Remember how I mentioned I made a new friend on my first day of school? Well, I am sooo super celebrating that she is my new roommate in an adorable little house in the quiet parts of this bustling city!? She even has a dog and I am so super excited to walk him around the {green} lake in my new hood. I cannot wait to introduce you to her! I have absolutely loved living downtown, within walking distance to Pike Place, living above a Starbucks... but can we talk about how this major metropolitan city never sleeps? I would love it if the bags under my eyes would disappear. Excessive amounts of erasepaste isn't cutting it these days.

{Sidebar: When I hear this song, I laugh and cry simultaneously thinking it could very well have been written about me! People don't really hoop and holler... do they? End sidebar.} I am most excited to be going home this weekend. I have been looking forward to seeing all my old friends and my lovely family for the past month and no amount of... err, snow! will deter me from enjoying every cup of tea, every cuddle from my cousins, every round of scrabble at the cabin, every ceasar with my tristy and every two-steppin' polka at the reception! I am absolutely celebrating my restored adoration for all things prairie life and absolutely cannot wait to immerse myself in the small town goodness that is Manitoba this weekend!! Someone give me an "Amen!"

go dawgs.

2011-11-06T15:29:00.002-05:00

It has been one crazy week with very little consumption of anything other than caffeine... and even less sleep... between working and studying and moving but I took a little time out after a pathophysiology review session to attend my first {and last} Husky game last night! I don't think any home game experience will compare to the Swamp but I was happy to know that UW prepares for big games much like the Gators do. We tailgated and watched real football {Read: the SEC games!} under a tent. We watched all the boats motor up to the stadium since the East end of the stadium is lined with water from Lake Washington.

We shotgunned PBRs, barked our hearts out and then headed over to the Ave afterwards for some hole-in-the-wall gyros and a pitcher of beer at a very collegiate watering hole by the name of Finn MacCools...

Never in Florida did I wear a Columbia beanie and have hand warmers in my mitts as I sipped on a hot chocolate for the entire second quarter of a game. It was freezing but the crowd was crazy fun since Oregon is their biggest rival and it was not just the last home game of the season but for the entire next year when the Husky stadium closes for renovations! Go Dawgs!!

the work you do while you procrastinate...

2011-11-05T13:14:00.000-04:00

... is probably the work you should be doing for the rest of your life. Less and less is nursing the work I feel compelled to do... Its part of the paradigm shift that is governing the unknown direction I am headed in this next twenty-five years of my life. A huge part of what sets an amazing nurse a part from the average RN is the heart you put in to each and every shift; the fervour to go the extra mile; the eagerness to learn more in a fast-paced environment that is an ICU. The extra care you use when you turn a preemie. The genuine hugs you give a new mom who begins to cry when she sees her tiny baby under bili lights in an incubator for the first time. The patience you must have rocking the chronic neonates for hours on end to try to ease their pain. The extra time it takes to teach a parent to change a microscopic diaper and perfectly tuck a baby in until his next feed. The critical thinking you must possess to catch a subtle cue that could mean the difference between life or death. It is a necessity to pour your whole heart in to the entire twelve hours of every shift in order to make a difference and ultimately, to save a life... As much as I give at my job, I take even more with me. The amount of tears I have shed when babies pass away or the anxiety I feel when growing babies get sick with an infection that will soon shut down every organ in their body is overwhelming, at times. Most nights, it scares me immensely working in an intensive care unit. Most days, I carry the burden of my fears everywhere I go... questioning why I was destined to do my life's work. I often wonder how I got here and where I would be if I wasn't in the medical field. What my life would be like if I pursued another passion...

party animals.

2011-11-02T15:41:00.000-04:00

There will come a day when we spend hours picking out costumes for our {future} children {instead} and coordinate the perfect family of five themed costume. Halloween will be a holiday full of family traditions, teaching our kids to say "trick-or-treat" and ringing the doorbell of all the cookie cutters homes in our suburban neighborhood collecting a pumpkin-shaped bucket full of candy. We will return home at dark and tuck our littles in to their tiny beds and struggle to stay awake to divide all their candy in to categories {chocolate. sour. chewy. etc.} before calling it an early night and fall asleep reminiscing about what all Hallow's Eve used to be like in the good ole days... Until that day comes, we will continue to party like scantily-clad animals for the good ole days are right now...

Halloweekend.

2011-11-01T20:41:00.001-04:00

I spent the last five days in my happy place.. Home Sweet Hollywood... with my happy people... celebrating Halloween in true LA fashion... so happily for four nights in a row.

Friday night, we crashed the same Harvard party we went to last year but this year it was right down the street from Carly's WeHo apartment at Voyeur...

It was the dress rehearsal for our costumes as Saturday night was when I truly metamorphosized {not a word? it should be!} in to Hipster Belle with a morning date with Tate the Great where I kissed my blonde locks au revoir! We spent most of the evening creating a Disney Cover Band when our cab kept self-cancelling and we were left to do nothing but sing at the top of our lungs in the dining room before heading out to Beauty Bar... only to leave one beer later and eat our princess hearts out next door at Kitchen 24. Smack + cheese + peas, please!

Sunday was spent perusing farmer markets and hiking the hills and pondering life at happy hour before going to see one of Carly's co-workers perform a spooky show at the Improv...

We finally made it to the West Hollywood Costume Carnival Monday night where I was deeply saddened to learn that there wasn't an actual parade of drags and floats and candy but the sea of 100,000 crazy people in absurd costumes made up for it.

My two favorites being Modern Family and the Costco taste-testing ladies complete with real samples.

I can hardly believe that it is already November... which really only means one thing to me: I will be listening {exclusively} to Christmas music for the next seven and a 1/2 weeks...

happy hallo{meme}.

2011-10-31T19:06:00.000-04:00

Left to Right: Belle, Tinker Bell, Snow White, Ariel

Inspired by a popular meme by the name of Hipster Ariel, we've spent this halloween weekend channeling our inner ~~disney princess~~ hipster exuding our best hipsteresque anguish in Hollywood... Happy Halloween, friends!!

{special} eyes.

2011-10-28T00:02:00.001-04:00

Mom, will I get a new body when I get to Heaven?
No, Christopher. Your body will stay here and your soul will go to Heaven.
But I want my body!
Why, Christopher? You won't need a body in Heaven.
But will I get to come back? To a new body?
You will not want to come back when you get to Heaven; the Bible promises you that!
But will I get to see you again?
Yes! In Heaven!!
...because I will have eyes when I get to Heaven?
Yes, sweetie! Won't that be wonderful? That you will get to see when you get to Heaven?
...but isn't it harder sometimes that I cannot see now? That they can't create eyes for me?
Yes, but you have special eyes. You see through your heart. And you know what that boy in your class that is in a wheelchair will get to do when he gets to Heaven??
Get up out of his wheelchair?!!
Yes!! Won't that be wonderful??
Wonderful.

less than two months til christmas...

2011-10-27T01:55:00.001-04:00

{source.}
and this just makes my dreams so happy...

SoU(L)Cast

2011-10-25T01:20:00.002-04:00

SoU(l)Cast- little time-outs in LIFE to remind myself that it’s okay to be brutally honest. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to be human…

I did it. I found her. That happy-go-lucky lover of life.Oh, she’s back alright, with a heightened sense of awareness for the thingsthat truly matter. An awakened old soul that has catapulted right out of thatless-than-incredible-rut, finding incredible beauty in the smallest of placesnow more than ever. It feels so fabulous to be genuinely happy again… and itradiates from every essence of my being.

The scared and shattered unhappiness that jaded my view andcatalyzed a sequelae of losing sight of who I really am, falling deeper anddeeper in the depths of a cold, dark winter… is gone… and has taken all herinsecurities with her. In its place is a restored confidence that has allowedme to forgive myself for the mistakes I have made and let go of what cannot beundone, with a rediscovered pathological optimism that makes me excited for theuncertainty that comes with each new day.

The world is my oyster and my goodness, is this renewedoutlook on life a pearly, bright one. Seizing every opportunity that comesmy way to be more… be better… be me. A rich life, full of strengthenedfriendships and meaningful travels, making amazing memories along the way. Ihave learned where I struggle and where I shine and am forever trying to balance my strengths and weaknesses. Give and take. Grow and fall. Ebb and flow.

As for M. and I, I’m not sure at what point over the lastyear that it happened but I lost him. I knew it was an incrediblerisk in leaving him… and I was never naïve to think he wouldn’t realize that hewas better off without me… but I never fathomed he would change his mind… I lost my best friend::my soul mate::my future... and it pains me in a way I never thought possible.

The ultimate paradox. If I hadn’t left, I would havenever found the strength to move forward and reconnect with the girl he fell inlove with. To find my way again by reinvesting my love in the outlets that makeme happy. To find balance and relieve the unfair expectations put on therelationship. To love myself, in order to love him in the way he deserved. Torealize what was right in front of me the entire time and learn to appreciateit. It was the force that enabled me to move forward, on the hardest of days,knowing that the end would be better than ever, inthe-forever-is-not-long-enough sense.

But in finding myself, I lost him. I lost him.

Did he see it as an ultimatum? Was I not worth fightingfor? Was it the wrong timing? Was I that easily replaceable? These are the questions that haunt me at night, as I long for the answers tohelp me understand why he is gone…

They say time heals everything and slowly, I am adjusting toa life without him in it but not a day goes by that I don’t miss him to themoon. His laugh. His midas touch. His meals. The look of fear that filled hiseyes when I would begin to cry… but mostly I miss us. Our connection. Ourconversations. Our hearts beating in cadence at night. Our big dreams...

Sometimes our dreams are not what life has planned and whenthis happens, you have to find the strength to dream a new dream. You have tofind solace in knowing that he is happy, even if that happiness doesn’t includeyou anymore. You have to be thankful for the time that you did spend togetherand cherish those memories... You have to believe that everything truly doeshappen for a reason and while hearts were broken, important, albeit harsh,lessons were learned.

He came in to my life at a time when I needed him most,to remind me to be carefree and show me what true love is. No one will everlove him like I did but when you truly, wholeheartedly love someone, you mustlet them go. Set them free in pursuit of their own happiness...

because as hard as it is, that iswhat life about… to be eternally happy.

hipster.

2011-10-24T01:37:00.000-04:00

I've been doing a little research for my costume this evening and if there is one thing my google searches have taught me, it is that I am going to be so incredibly ironically cool this Halloween, without even trying... well at least I'm going to try really hard to try to look like I'm not trying. Ha! I'm ironic already...

In googling "how to be a hipster" I came upon the Verbal Vomit's advice and I couldn't stop laughing so I just had to share all the lovely resources I am using to get in the zone this Hallow's Eve. There is even a handbook. If you are unfamiliar with what a hipster is, this article is a pretty accurate representation but my favorite quote comes from TIME:

Hipsters are the friends who sneer when you cop to liking Coldplay. They're the people who wear T-shirts silk-screened with quotes from movies you've never heard of and the only ones in America who still think Pabst Blue Ribbon is a good beer. They sport cowboy hats and berets and think Kanye West stole their sunglasses. Everything about them is exactingly constructed to give off the vibe that they just don't care.

Bingo anyone? I think I already have the first 4 steps of wikiHow's How to Be a Hipster down.... 1. I want to be a hipster to add an extra element of cool to a traditional child's costume. 2. I am twenty-five. Perfect. 3. I live in Seattle three blocks from Pike & Pine... the intersection where hipsters roam free. 4. I am seeking a Master's degree to expand upon my intelligence. Fifteen steps more to go by Friday...

Wish me luck with my method approach to this Halloween {Read: me spending this week eating vegan, thrifting for a few non-mainstream costume essentials, and listening exclusively to indie-rock you probably have never heard of.}

{peachy} keen.

2011-10-23T11:17:00.001-04:00

oh hello there, 0% body fat.

2011-10-19T16:21:00.003-04:00

All right. ALL RIGHT. I guess I do have a type... the defined cheek bone, 5 o'clock shadow, 0% body fat kind of type.

Aside from what was under the polyester and padding, other things I ruminated about while at the Canucks games last night included...

1. They serve beer in a cup with a straw... a team after my own heart.
2. Wow! This level skates so much faster. I should have brought my glasses.
3. My favourite moments are the 10 sec clips of great music in between the plays.
4. I loved attending the game in an oversized jersey, flats and my hair in a messy bun.
5. I am the only person in the stands hoping the refs stop the fight... before I start crying.

Game Two tomorrow night... Go ~~Predators~~ Canucks Go!

locks of good luck.

2011-10-18T11:48:00.003-04:00

I woke up this afternoon to a delightful breeze blowing through my window accompanied by the most invigorating rays of sunshine... a shot of Vitamin D straight to my soul.

You know I am a sucker for sunshine so I took my last minute study session to the locks here in a little borough of Seattle. It was fabulous watching the boats enter the channel--water rise up---boats depart & new boats enter---water level recede--little boats sail on to the Pacific--repeat!

The locks must have brought me good luck because I only missed one question on the exam I wrote this afternoon {in between night shifts, mind you!} My mind is currently in nursing-information-overload as I have three exams to write in ten days and I am super celebrating the lovely little fact that my first of the three went so fabulously!! Hopefully, I can keep the mojo going!

Enough about school. On to the weather and all the yellow, orange and red leaves that make my heart so happy. Although I do miss the incredible high of an endless summer, I am embracing the winding down that accompanies Fall and all the little things that can be celebrated in these shorter days as the year comes to a close and I finish dotting all those i's and crossing all those t's of the life list I set out to accomplish nearly a year ago... Create a home, starting with a new roommate. Read a few more books. Invest in my true passions. Write 'til my fingers bleed. Exercise routinely. Let go. Let go. Let go. I'm almost there and it feels so fancy and free.

Off to Vancouver to cheer on the Canucks with their #1 fan and shower Sammi in sexy, little things!! ooxo

bring me the horizon.

2011-10-16T19:49:00.003-04:00

Took a study break on Saturday afternoon to release some stress. No place provides peace of mind like open water... watching your worries fade in the distance while you sail off under the sun and attempt to touch the horizon...

c'est la vie.

2011-10-12T23:10:00.000-04:00

Mid-week rant. I took this picture Sunday night in high hopes that I would establish a really awesome routine this week that would grant me the ability to balance school, work and the bare necessities of eating + sleeping + physical activity... but seriously, it's ~~already~~ ~~only~~ Wednesday and I think I've fallen down the stairs {metaphorically speaking} like fourteen times. I give myself little pep talks: "You like yoga AND you are a Libra. You are one tightrope shy of being a balance masteress. You got this!" and then 72 hours goes by {three of which were spent scouring Seattle in search of the perfect pot & pan} and I've yet to accomplish anything. Le sigh.

Monday. Spent most of the day sleeping from working the previous two nights {Seattle weather has worked wonders on my ability to sleep during the day! Good riddance.} only to wake up, do some homework & get ready for my third shift just to get canceled 25 minutes before I had to be there. Not knowing what to do with my unexpected time off, I talked with Carly for two hours before falling back to sleep to add eight more hours to the seven hours of zzz's I had already gotten earlier in the day.

Tuesday. Although I have since drawn a line with a Sharpie through all the taunting boxes on my to-do list with the word "gym" next to them {Amy Aerobix, if you are out there, please return to me!}, I did manage to {STOP THE WORLD} turn on my stove and boil water to make a pasta dinner with my swirly pumpkin parmesan sauce! Feeling fully satisfied {Read: sans motivation!}, I did what any logical person with too much on their plate would do: take a hot bath, drink a glass of wine and read my new favorite book and then crawl in to bed watching this and this... My head was still spinning after a little bit of R & R but there was something much more satisfying knowing it was a combo of piping hot bath water + vino that made my vision blurry and not the hours prior to that that were spent trying to comprehend the complement system of immunology. Is it totally ironic that my pathophysiology course may be the death of me?

Wednesday. While most of Earth prefers to wake up to the gentle sounds of Jack Johnson Banana Pancakes, my current song obsession is loud and has a super bass that gets me pumped up to tackle the day...only to fall back asleep one hour later until after noon... say whaat? I had big plans to take a ferry to a little island and study in its adorable coffee shops taking little breaks in art galleries and tasting rooms {don't judge. your brain only functions at full capacity for fifty minute increments, anyways.} so you can imagine my ~~anger~~ disappointment when I looked at the clock and it said 12:58 {I had been asleep since 8:30 p.m. the previous day +/- that hour when I thought I was getting up for the day}. Since it was overcast and near dark when I finally did get up {and just thinking about the wind on the ferry boat could not lure me out of my pajamas}, I spent the last 10 hours of today watching lectures and posting to discussion forums from the uninspiring, uncomfortable chair at my dining room table. C'est la vie.

The latter half. This week will improve. There's an exciting, new job opportunity in the works. Halloween costumes are being a'brainstormed. There's professional sporting events to attend. There's less than one month til I am in Winnipeg celebrating Sammi & Ryan with my +1, Deidre... followed by some post-wedding-little-cousin-cuddling! And colour me red &green but the holidays almost here! Oh, and if you still reading this and could take thirty seconds to vote for my friend's elementary school here, her class would sincerely appreciate the support! They are a special culture of kids that will retain almost anything put to the beat of the latest hip hop song and if you watch the video, you'll know just what I'm talking about! =)

Gatlinburg, TN.

2011-10-11T12:44:00.000-04:00

Between cuddling Ella Bella and chasing Reesey Roo, my week in Tennessee was full of lovely little moments full of squishy newborn goodness and funny one-year-old antics. Kara & I had a sister*date and saw Sugarland and Sarah Bareilles which was fabulous! Loved every day of last week.

Kara spent part of last week in Gatlinburg at a PA conference {have I mentioned how badass she is? ya, she removes screwdrivers from people's hands and ish...} and Grams and I decided to take little Reesey Bird up for the day while Kara learned about chest pain and head trauma. In a feeble attempt to describe Gatlinburg, a variety of words come to mind: tacky vs. homey, Southern town vs. redneck Vegas, nature vs. neon lights.

There are tourists attractions, galore. From Dollywood to Hillbilly Golf to the Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum to the Rootin Tootin Shootin Gallery. But tucked among all the arcades, haunted mansions and wedding chapels, there's this little bit of small town goodness that permeates the cobblestone streets. Everything is handmade and homegrown and its one-of-a-kind-ness warmed my heart, kind of. I spent all morning wandering in and out of shops full of eclectic assortments from fudge to flannel... trying to decide if this place was cute & quaint or downright gaudy & disturbing. I think I'm leaning towards the latter...

We started our very early morning at the Pancake Pantry where there is always an hour line to get in... unless you get there at 7:45 like us and then you get seated right away! The blueberry pancakes were delicious, smothered in butter and blueberry syrup.

It was the most beautiful day full of the spirit of Fall. The leaves were changing. The air was crisp. The town was dressed to the nines in its best Autumn attire: straw-stuffed scarecrows and festive ghords of every size, shape and colour. The sun shone bright. By noon, we were combating the heat with an ice cream cone freshly churned at Kilwins. I heart fall.

We also stopped in the aquarium to ogle over the penguins and spy on all the sharks.

We stopped at an outlet mall for a little bit of shopping before heading back to Knoxville for a Girl's Night Out! You can imagine my heart's discontent leaving for the airport at 7:40 the very next morning. I could spend every day of the rest of my life going on adventures with these five ladies!! =)

be still {my heart}.

2011-10-11T00:07:00.002-04:00

money shot.

2011-10-09T11:38:00.000-04:00

paradigm shift.

2011-10-08T23:23:00.001-04:00

I'm a dreamer. Since I was a little girl, I've had a wild imagination with an insatiable desire to do more. To live in Italy. To sky dive. To write a novel. To move to California. To run a marathon. To pursue my professional passion to the very top... but as all the dreams of my limitless, child-like imagination come true, there is still a resounding emptiness that has catalyzed a shift in my paradigm. The concept of do less, be more has been reverberating inside my soul recently. Lately, I find myself dreaming with just as much fervour but on a much smaller scale. I want to foster lasting friendships and dream of Sunday brunch rituals with the besties. I want to be a wife and dream of meeting someone to spend the rest of my life with. I want to be a mama and dream of starting a family. I want to settle down and dream of creating a home to call my very own.

I went back to Tennessee for a quick visit with Grams, Kara + Reese, and Jess + Ella the past four days and I'm currently writing from the sky, surprising myself by just how much I am dreading my return to Seattle this afternoon... back to the grind, as they say. When trying to decipher exactly what it is that irks me about coming back to the coast that I truly do fancy the most, I've come to realize it's the ginormous amount of miles that separates me from the feeling of home that makes my heart ache. As I watch from an aerial view as said miles melt in to the distance some 34,000 feet below me in the form of perfect squares, rocky mountain ranges, and fluffy clouds... I find myself fighting back tears looking out the window of 11A as the comforts of being home, that intangible feeling I've relished in all week... dissipates in to the indistinguishable layers of the atmosphere.

You lose that sense of belonging flying back to a city where I hardly no anyone. Where my sole purpose is to work and go to school and live my life for myself... And while these are both incredible opportunities I've worked hard to get to, they are just stepping stones to the grander things in life... the utopia in my dreams... full of love and babies and family traditions.

I used to think it didn't matter where you lived, that every friend was a phone call away and every family member was a plane ride away no matter where you were in the world. Home was where you were in the moment and life was about exploring new places and meeting new people.

But as I grow up and the paradigm shifts in this new quarter of my life, my ideas, or more so ideals, of what really constitutes a home are evolving in to something more.

It's not the place, in particular. Or a certain smell. Or the firmness of the mattress... that emulates the rich feeling of being home. These are all constants that can easily be recreated wherever you go. It's so much deeper than that. It's the quality found in the day-to-day. It's the interconnectivity of the people in your life; the engaging conversations had over a pitcher of sweet tea. It's the reminiscent moments where you're smothered in nostalgia looking back, all the while creating memories that turn in to stories we'll tell our grandchildren someday. It's the security that envelops you when the simple elements in your everyday hold so much meaning that they will carry you through to your forever.

Forever, I will be a product of my grand/mother, a best friend to my sister, an auntie to the most adorable niece. Forever, I will have a close knit family made up of incredible friendships that are founded on the principles of love and loyalty. Forever, I will be inspired by the ordinary but striving for the extraordinary. Forever, I will dream.

The circle of life is a tangled web of the unique forevers that define you and when all of the particles that you live for are perfectly aligned in one single corner of the world, that is when you will know you are home.

A girl can dream, right?

stay hungry; stay foolish.

2011-10-05T21:10:00.000-04:00

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Stay hungry; stay foolish.

instant memories ala instagram.

2011-10-01T20:48:00.001-04:00

Welcome, October!! How the helck is it already October?! The end of the year flies by so fast. Its like I turn another year wiser and then Halloween comes to welcome November and then Thanksgiving Day happens and after I'm done stuffing myself to a comatose state and counting my blessings, the holiday season arrives where each and every day is full of so much cheer and delightful treats and then just like that... Christmas Day comes and a short week later, the new year arrives to promise new beginnings among all those resolutions you vow to make to guarantee a happier, healthier life.
Seriously life, you are flying by too fast. Want to slow down a bit? I'm having a hard time keeping up. Laundry is piling up in every corner of my apartment. My inbox is out of control (I'm really sorry to those who have e-mailed me and I have failed to respond). My to-do list keeps growing longer and longer.

But the fulfilled-life-living... oh, that I never procrastinate about. My one friend here in Seattle and I just so happen to have birthdays four days a part and we have been celebrating since Sunday... First, the cupcake celebration at work last Sunday (thank you, again!). And hiking on Wednesday. Thursday night we enjoyed a few too many beers at Jake Owen/Keith Urban and last night we went out to a delightful dinner in Bellevue before heading to Kerry Park to take in the breathtaking view of the cityscape all lit up and sparkly. Carpe diaximum: seizing the day to the maximum.

Have I told you lately how much I love the Pacific Northwest? Well, I do. Immensely. And that growing love makes me even more excited to stay here through March to attend classes/clinicals and plan out where I will be going from here. California? Alaska? It's one part scary and three parts super exciting how up-in-the-air my future is at the moment.
Life really is a whimsical ride on the scenic route to happiness.
The windows are open; the air is cool. The sun is hidden behind the nimbostratus; the perpetual Seattle drizzle is in full effect. The coffee is piping hot. I have unpacked all my sweaters in to my oven + officially sleep in my slippers. I believe this means in PNW lingo that it's official! Fall is officially here.

Farewell, sunny skies! I'm really going to miss you + all the beauty you have brought to my life. We had a wild romance, you + I. One that made me relaxed, giddy and incredibly intrigued... making it nearly impossible to let you go. I'm not sure if I will ever feel a love as deep as ours {you captured my heart in the rarest, most special way!} but my goodness, am I glad for the time we got to share together. The dreams we imagined together. We made a lot of memories full of genuine happiness, you + I. Perhaps, our lives will cross paths again... in the way they inevitably do. Perhaps, next year? When we're a little more settled, a little more wiser. I promise I will not lose myself in the greys of this winter if you promise to wrap me in your sunbeams for forever someday soon. Here's to hoping history repeats itself. Until we meet again... So long, summer!

organic oxygen bar.

2011-09-29T02:05:00.002-04:00

In my spare time, I move mountains.

I took a little break this afternoon from the insane week I'm having that hasn't provided much opportunity for sleep as I flip flop between day shift and night shift, work a few twelves, a random eight, one long sixteen, attend classes, work on group projects, watch lectures, write important dates in my planner, make a lot of professional phone calls re: my future... and went to the one place I've been dying to go where I would have no cell service and no internet access: Mount Rainier.

Heather and I went on a strenuous three mile hike down to the most serene lake. Seriously, if you stared straight down in to the emerald water, you couldn't even see that it was there; it was so clear!

The forest was incredibly quiet and peaceful and the wafts of alpine made me super excited for Christmas.

How professional does she look? I kept complimenting her on all her awesome hiking gear. Her response: If you are going to marry a {metro} mountain man, you should probably invest in proper hiking attire.

The view from the top was absolutely stunning as the sunset painted the sky pastel colours behind the massive Cascades. It was exactly what I needed mid-week to STOP + clarify my mind.

Akin to an organic oxygen bar, all that pure air has me feeling immensely refreshed and ready to take on the second half of this long stretch of go, go, go.

{official} first day of school.

2011-09-27T23:07:00.000-04:00

Today was the official start of {grad} school at the Dub & because my mum was not in Seattle to ask me how my first day of school was when I got home this evening, I thought I'd tell her about it via me blog... This message goes out to New Mexico.

Well Ma,
I put on navy tights under my favourite Fall dress from H&M, strapped up those awesome brown boots I stole from Kara and headed out the door early this morning to attend the school of nursing orientation. I took advantage of the free coffee provided, sat in a huge auditorium with fellow peers, made a new friend and took notes all day long about all the little details of the HUGE commitment I have made for the next six quarters, eighteen months, 1.5 years... I had a meeting this afternoon with the program coordinator and started dreaming of all the different places this adventure could potentially take me... San Diego, Alaska, Honolulu... seriously? I picked the right program, fo' real.
Afterwards, I ventured around campus, earbuds blaring Lady Antebellum {if my heart could write songs, it would have written their new album over this past year. Especially this song. & this one. I digress...} taking in the atmosphere filled with excitement as the 40,000+ undergraduates started their new semesters. My, how I wish I could go back to my freshman year. Those were the glory days, for certain.
UW's campus is incredible, though. There's so much history engrained in the cobblestone that was laid 150 years ago. The trees are massive and their canopy of leaves protected me perfectly from the rainy weather that has replaced my sweet sunshine. The ancient buildings make me feel like I'm wandering around the set of a Harry Potter movie. It's amazing.
Wish me luck balancing work + school full-time this semester; I can still procrastinate like its nobody's business. Did I mention it is the #1 nursing school in the country? If vested interest in meeting the individual needs of their students has anything to do with the rating, I understand why they're at the top. Is it weird that my professors feel more like friends after just the first day?
I think I'm really going to love it here... but if you could come visit me and pack my tin lunchbox full of Surfer Cooler Capri Suns, Fruit by the Foots and Oatmeal Cream Pies like you did in elementary school, I'd really love it!
I know you said yesterday that me growing up is making you old but don't worry, I'll always be your little girl at heart, the one who swears ham sandwiches taste better when you make them.
Love, Squirt {future NNP}

much-to-celebrate-monday: me.

2011-09-26T16:18:00.001-04:00

Today is my twenty-fifth birthday and as sure as I am that numerous posts in the near future will be permeated with the thread of something along the lines of "holy effing ish, i'm a quarter century old! Cue quarter-life crisis!"... today I am going to stay present, soak up this beautiful moment of turning another year wiser and relish in all the sweet birthday love I have been receiving since 12:00 a.m. EST. from everyone everfabulous who has ever graced a chapter of my life! There are delectable cupcakes to be eaten {thank you, Heather!}. There is rainy weather perfect for wearing my Wellies and my new sweater, a birthday present from Grams! {She is Brazil at the moment so you can imagine my surprise when I received a text from her & Auntie Paul from below the equator this morning wishing me a lovely day!!} There are perfect gifts arriving with my name written all over them {thank you, Carly!} There is fondue for two to be consumed with my bi-weekly bestie, Sammi! And oh. my. word. There is happiness radiating from every essence of my being. At the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy, today I am celebrating YOU ALL for making me feel so special... today and everyday! Much-love-to-y'all on this fabulous loveyolife celebratory Monday!! Now if you will excuse me, there is wine to be drank, good conversations to be had, candles to be blown out and wishes to be made. Go getcha some!

an autumnesque afternoon + thoughts on Fall.

2011-09-23T20:28:00.001-04:00

Today is the first day of Fall and while I have been in complete denial... soaking up every drop of sunshine in this 75 degree weather... that this summer will eventually come to an end, today I woke up (back on the West Coast) with a sudden change of heart regarding the change of seasons. I have had the absolute greatest summer but as the days are getting shorter, the nights getting cooler and the air getting crisper, I am suddenly {re}aware of just how much I love Autumn and all the turning-over-a-new-leaf-ness that accompanies the welcoming of Fall.

I love change. I live for change. And Fall brings the best kinds of change. The change of weather. The change of wardrobe. The change of routine. The change of pace as life adds a little more responsibility and a little less free time... with the beginning of Autumn quarter and the sun setting earlier + earlier.

I work the next three nights. My birthday is on Monday. Graduate school starts on Tuesday. My renewed contract begins on Wednesday. I work a day shift on Thursday... {my reward to myself if I survive is a little Keith Urban when I get off that night!} =) I will be certified to insert PICC lines on Friday... and then I will work the 3 nights after that before flying back to Tennessee for a little leaf-turning "Welcome Fall!" extravaganza with Kara, Grams and Reesey! Fall forward, baby.

The long, hot days of summer may be coming to an end but I'm finally getting in to the swing of Autumn, embracing the fabulous Fall changes ahead. I'm ready for the wooly feel of boots/hoodies/scarves, the scent/taste of pumpkin spice/cinnamon wreaths, the sound of crunching of leaves and looking forward to the official start to grad school this week. Happy Fall, y'all!

baby bird turns one.

2011-09-22T00:18:00.003-04:00

Wishing you a kazillion cuddles topped with extra sweet eskimo kisses.

Love you to the moon. -Auntie Awesome

a little slice of heaven.

2011-09-21T01:04:00.000-04:00

This week is filled with all kinds of reesey goodness as we celebrate the first year of her life spending these final days of summer swinging in swings at the park, petting the animals at the zoo and splashing in the water at her favourite splash pad.

Baby Girl turns one tomorrow and while there is a part of me that wishes I could freeze time and hold on to her little hand for forever, it has been a very exciting week watching her take her first steps without the helping hand of anyone.

And although my most cherished memories with her this past year were spent in her glider watching those bright blue eyes get heavy as she drifts off to sleep, she now falls to sleep all her own and I find myself savouring the moments right before she goes to sleep-- splashing in the tub a little longer, rubbing a little bit more lavender lotion on her little rolls, combing each one of her fine {albeit unruly} strands of hair a little slower.

Nearly one-year-old, she's less + less a baby and more + more, a little girl... She takes her shirt off by herself. And sits up all by herself in the big girl tub. And babbles her own story as she reads books to you. It has been a little slice of heaven being greeted with the sweetest little "hi!" every time I enter the room. And see her clap along to "pat-a-cake". And drink from a sippy cup.

She is growing up too quickly as babies {bittersweetly} inevitably do. Her hair is long enough to form the cutest curls at the ends. Her belly laughs should be bottled up. & while she has started to look more and more like a little girl, I still see those precious lips and button nose from when she was newly born.

She sure is some kind-of-wonderful; the little slice of heaven kind.

little gym.

2011-09-20T10:53:00.008-04:00

just that.

2011-09-15T13:31:00.002-04:00

Sunday marked the ten year anniversary of 9/11. I read on blogs and facebook throughout the day where people were and what they remember about this day, a decade ago... and looking back, I'm unnervingly surprised by what very little I remember about my own life-altering experience that was Nine/Eleven. I revisit this day nearly every day... in the back of my mind where the decisions are made that defy the odds... as the shards of debris are continually unburied, processed and let go of...

...so it's incredibly strange that a lover of details like me cannot remember a single specific about 9.11.01.

While I hardly ever talk about today in the ten-years-ago sense, it has been a weight I have carried heavy on my heart for awhile. Through a long process of forgiveness, I have finally reached a point in my life where I am able to let it go... and categorize it in past tense because that's exactly what it is: in the past. And while I have always refused to let today define me, it has undeniably shaped me in to the person I am... and the person I am very much so striving to be... and I have learned to embrace it.

What I do remember. I remember I was two weeks shy of my fifteenth birthday. I do not remember getting ready for school that morning but I remember being in medical academy class (second period) when our teacher turned on the T.V. and the local news kept flashing back-and-forth between clips of the bellowing smoke of the first tower of the W.T.C. "A plane has flown in to the World Trade Center" and the president, who was at an elementary school 45 minutes North of my hometown, reading books to a class of innocent students.

I remember my mum had a hearing at 8:30 that morning that would decide if we could remain in her custody... but I don't think I understood the magnitude of what the decisions made in that courtroom would have on my life. I did not realize that my childhood would be taken from me that day. I remember being scared when a portly man named Brian Paul showed up in my principal's office just before school ended and told us we were not allowed to go home. We didn't hear from my mum for many weeks after that day...

& that is where I draw a blank. There is a coping mechanism, a glitch in my memory... that physically will not allow me to recall the day-to-day details of the next few months, next three years. Looking back, much of my adolescence was a blur. I entered a survival mode that enabled me to muttle through the next three years before my acceptance to college freed me from the hand I had been dealt that I couldn't change. I couldn't change the estranged grandparents I lived with. I couldn't change the ways in which my parent(s) failed me. I couldn't escape losing my mum... but somehow, mostly through watching my sister, I became incredibly aware of the things I could change.

I could make a life for myself that wasn't plagued by drugs. I could go to university and get a degree. I could surround myself with the greatest examples of the person I wanted to be. I could give back. I could make a difference. I could be overly optimistic. I could travel and see the world. I could be anyone I wanted to be. I could dream as big as the sky. And I did just that.

And I will continue to do just that for as long as the sky will allow me to dream. & when I reach the sky's limit, I will shoot for the moon, seizing every opportunity that can be found in the smallest crevices of every day because as 9/11 taught us, the safe & secure world as we know it today can literally stop turning in an instant tomorrow.

My entire world stopped turning that day and while it hasn't been the easiest road to recovery, the ease at which my Earth spins on its axis today is something spectacular... as life's quest of discovering the reason why certain things happen in the sometimes catastrophic ways that they do is almost understood. Every unfortunate tribulation truly does happen for a reason. It's just up to you to find the positive blessings amidst all the negative debris to understand why.

And as the door closes on a decade long chapter, I've done just that.