ready. set. create.

I've been desperately searching for an outlet to relight my fire, so to speak. I have been feeling like I am in an uncreative (read: unhappy) rut for almost a year now and was struggling (big time!) for a big, blue ladder to get me out. My usual go-tos for not just expression but also for the inspiration to express seemed to have gotten lost in my hasty move to Winnipeg. Perhaps they're still packed in the box Sharpie'ed LIFE or maybe I was just so sad when I first moved up here that I did not adequately pursue said oh-so-important outlets but the fact-of-the-matter is it had been a year and I had yet to find my utopias - friends, exercise, blogging, taking pictures, culture. All the gravitational pulls that makes my world go round while simultaneously keeping me grounded. I usually embrace change. crave change. need change. I am a lover of change but when A LOT of change happens at once, I have learned I don't cope very well. I realize I need at least one familiar, positive energy source to find the "fabulousness" in all the new elements. About five weeks ago, when I temporarily moved in with my amazing cousin, she introduced me to a local artist and an online creative course she was offering. I was a little,  scratch that, VERY!!! nervous to sign up but have to admit, kinda loved the feeling of being nervous because life had felt so mundane recently there was no opportunity to push myself outside of my comfort zone and I was pretty sure the last time I had felt nervous excitement like that was the 5-day drive from Cali to here! If you peruse her website (which you can find here...I hope I'm not infringing on any copyrights by posting this magnificent piece of inspiration of hers), you will see that she is an incredible painter and because I have never considered myself artistic, I thought I would downright suck at this 5-week class but her class just isn't about art. It's about finding yourself. Defining yourself. Reinventing yourself. I've noticed that Kal's "art" is similar to the "art" I create that I didn't even recognize as art - pictures (mine taken with a camera, hers drawn + painted!) with some sort of inspirational saying accompanying them. It's like psychology in the form of artism. I'm only three weeks in but I think I've done it - my imagination's aflame + my creativity is back. I'm blogging. I'm working out. I'm viewing the world through photo ops! I've restarted overusing the word "fabulous". I've even started to (quasi!) enjoy my job some days. This pathological optimist must have found her misplaced rose-colored glasses because even my glass of vino is starting to look half full.  eeeee yaaay =)

Adora Svitak: What adults can learn from kids | Video on TED.com

With every creative assignment, Kal gives us some source for inspiration that matches the theme. Creating a work of art that involves scribbling and playing and the mind of a child, this video was too accurate not to share.
Adora Svitak: What adults can learn from kids | Video on TED.com

over the rainbow.

I'm in love with a girl
 whose in love with the world.

Though I can't help but follow.

Though I know some day, 
she is bound to go away,

And stay over the rainbow.

Gotta learn how to let her go.

Over the rainbow.

-Amos Lee

organic bliss.

Usually, December is my favorite month of the year. Everything is covered in pretty sparkling lights. There's plenty of delicious dainties everywhere you turn (especially in the break room at work.) There's Christmas and family time and hearts filled with cheer. There's New Year's and new leafs and a resolution list a mile long (so many little boxes for me to check off!) BUT this year I'm certain October will be the most fabulous month of them all. I'm working 5 shifts for the entire month .... but will be paid during my absence because come Tuesday, I'm officially on vacation!! And more importantly, I am flying to Knoxville on Tuesday to see Kara and meet baby Reese!!! I get to spend almost three amazing weeks with the duo! While in Tennessee, I will be traveling to Florida to see three of the most fabulous people I know but shhh.... it's a secret surprise! All I can say is MIA!! MOD!! OMG!! =) From here, I'll be making a fantastic cameo at UF's Homecoming to meet up with my beautiful loves (the eternal roommates!) & the Hallams at no place other than the Swamp!! .... AND what would be a visit to Gvegas without a fabulous play date with the KittyKat Kindergartener Kate!!! eee ... I can hardly wait!! When back in Tennessee, I'll be writing the GRE, doing a little grad school campus visit @ Vandy/meeting up with my favorite friend from college/seeing Jess' new life in Nashville and then heading to NC for my cousin's wedding. Reese is my date! Yaay!! I return to the Peg to work one silly shift before flying to LA LA Land to celebrate Halloween in true West Hollywood (unreal) fashion!! Carly + I's costumes will be amazing ... also a secret surprise but think nude unitard! Of course, I will be seeing all of my California Loves too! oh my goodness. I can hardly contain myself. This is the best present (to myself!) ever!! Much better than that winter jacket I was going to buy for 40%. And that mani/pedi/facial package I was going to treat myself to. Ahhhh. October = Organic bliss. 

homegrown.

five days old.

Five days old and getting more beautiful by the minute .... 

and baby makes three.

Kara has been too busy with the actual arrival of Reesey*Peecey*Pudding*Pie and I have not been busy doing ... well, anything, really ... so I have taken the liberty to post these adorable pix myself that Kara + Creed had taken the week before she was born by the same photographer that did the birth pictures (I think I might be the Queen of Run-on Sentences!)! Her itty, bitty, baby baby bump was just too cute!! But now Reese is safely out of the womb, in to the world and currently at home awaiting her Auntie's arrival ... 10 more days!!!

(Asst) Coach Carefoot.

teeeheeeheee... look what I found googling (have I mentioned how much I love google!?) how to spell the hockey team that Mitch is coaching. I was going to write a blog post about how all last winter I almost harassed Mitch more about how he should become a coach (because of how much he loves and knows the game) than getting a Yellow Lab and then he was coincidentally offered an assistant coaching position this season. I didn't realize it meant practicing or playing hockey EVERY night of the week til midnight ... keep in mind, this shift-working nurse gets home after he leaves for the rink and goes to bed waayyy before he gets home! Then I was going to go off on a tangent about how can they expect hockey players to not act like womanizing, chauvinistic manwhores when their Junior League teams have names like "The Railers"!! Anywho, I will let this article do the talking for me as I had no idea this existed and therefore am assuming Mitch did not want me to see it ... probably in fear that I would post it on my blog ..... He's pretty humble when it comes to his accomplishments and just how amazing he is at hockey so I will do the bragging for him as I'm ecstatically impressed by this article. *Who knew I was dating an IronMan?!* ;)

Railers Ecstatic to add assistant coach with pro experience

Mitch Carefoot

Mitch Carefoot played 2 seasons in the Manitoba Junior Hockey league, years in which he was drafted in the 2nd round of the WHL, took part in the Viking Cup, MJHL/SJHL all star game, as well as the World Under 17 hockey tournament. He was then traded to the Salmon Arm Silverbacks of the BCJHL where he spent a season before leaving for the NCAA.

Chosen in the 2004 NHL entry draft by the Atlanta Thrashers, Mitch spent 4 years at Cornell University in Ithaca, NY. He won one ECAC and two IVY league championships at Cornell and was named Assistant Captain and team MVP in his senior year. Along with his on ice contributions, Mitch was able to balance his school work at the IVY league school and was named to the All-IVY League Academic team 3 years.

After leaving Cornell , Mitch spent two years with the Phoenix RoadRunners, the affiliate of the San Jose and Worcester Sharks. Mitch attended the Atlanta thrashers rookie camp two years and the Milwaukee Admirals of the AHLs’ training camp before his second season in the ECHL. After being sent back to Phoenix RoadRunners of the ECHL he was named team captain and was awarded the team Iron-Man and most dedicated awards at the end of the season.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, Mitch was forced to give up the game. He now looks to bring his experience of playing competitive hockey and give back to the junior players in Manitoba.

Reese Rylie, my perfect little niece.

Kara had the maternity photographer that took her "belly" pictures the week before her due date also attend the delivery and document the entire thing, paparazzi style! Here is the first sneak peak!! =)

Reese has arrived!!

Reese Rylie Williams arrived at 7:16 EST!! She weighs seven pounds, two ounces and is nineteen and a quarter inches long!! For the neonatal nurse in me, her Apgars were 9/9 which means she had a perfect delivery!! I just skyped with the new family from their hospital room and everyone is doing fabulous!! =) I'm counting down the days (and crying) until I get to hold her!! Congratulations Kara and Creed

I judge books by covers.

The other night I spent about four hours assembling what might be the wobbliest, most crooked, crazy unstable bookcase in the world and then immediately unloaded my eclectic book collection on to each uneven shelf: guidebooks of the all cities I've visited, training manuals for triathlons, national best sellers, chick lit, Harry Potter, etc. I grouped all my books by what they mean to me and when I put The Big Sleep, Interview with a Vampire, Angels & Demons and Revolutionary Road together it made me realize how much I tremendously miss my book club in LA. I bbm'ed Carly to tell her this as she pretty much can count on a daily text from me telling her how much I miss one thing or another from our past life together ... Coffee Bean, the USA Today Crossword, Trader Joe's, Hotel Cafe, just to name a few... and she suggested we start another book club cross countries where we meet on Skype to discuss it. Stupendous! Here is our first book (per her suggestion). When I picked it up the very next day at Indigo (the book store I frequent here almost on a daily basis) I started gushing over how cute the cover is and because I personify that cliche (like many other cliches), I knew at that instant that I was going to like this book ... and that that would be the theme of our book club! If we only read books with covers we like we will ultimately only read books we will end up liking. It's kind of like love at first sight... but for bibliophiles... reoccurring on a monthly basis.

family portrait.

I'm not really sure why my hair decided to style itself in to a mullet (on my head, there is no business. It's always a party in both back & front and just because I currently reside in Canada where everyone seems to be out of the early 90's, I am not okay with mullets!) on the day of the Carefoot family portrait photo shoot but thankfully, unlike photographs (particularly ones blown up and framed in the Carefoot living room), hairstyles do not last forever. Here's a more recent photo of the 'do I'm rockin' these days. Although I obviously did not follow through, I had every intention of dying my hair back to dark brown when I set my appointment. Oh well, blondes have waaay more fun anyways!

gerber daisies + gerber babies.

Cameron enjoying some of Charleigh's birthday (cup)cake!

auntie-in-training.

Are these two little cutie pies not just the sweetest?? Charleigh and Cameron are Mitch's brothers' daughters that were born a month apart right before I moved up here! I have had an entire year (almost to the date) of practice to perfect my auntie skills before my very own niece arrives just 3 days away!! I can hardly wait for Reese's arrival ... tentatively set for THIS Wednesday!

turning one.

Today Mitch's niece Charleigh turned one and I had the fabulous pleasure of creating her birthday suit: a pink + purple tutu carefully crafted with ribbon + tulle

It was a lovely day for a party on their patio complete with yummy cupcakes + lots of presents for the special birthday girl!

here fishy fishy fishy fishy

I think I have asked for a dog (particularly a yellow lab that I could name Dexter and knit fuzzy sweaters for and bathe in BedHeads awesome line of doggie shampoos!) every day of this past eleven months. Apparently "dogs deserve yards" and are not conducive "to living in an apartment"... or "shift work". "Puppies are more work than children". "Worst. idea. ever." "Whose going to take care of it while you run off to LA every other month?" "Besides, who would walk it in the winter when you won't even go outside?" Needless-to-say, I'm still man's-best-friend-less. =)

I spent seven months ... aka all of winter... with my eyes pealed hoping I would find a tiny kitten frozen somewhere outside in dire need of a warm apartment that I would just have to take in. I guess I should have spent more time outdoors because I never found her.

I watched two itty bitty baby ducks paddle in circles at the lake the other morning certain they had accidentally floated away from their mother and would now be eaten by a bear and die. Evidently, I had only convinced myself that they needed to be rescued because no amount of whining would compel Mitch to set down Harry Potter, get up from his lawn chair and "go save them!" I waited for what felt like 14 back-to-back screening of Eat, Pray, Love (Read: an eternity) for them to swim close enough to shore so that I could catch Jack & Jill (I even picked out their names waiting on the dock) but they kept their safe five foot distance and my abhorrence for lake water impeded me from jumping in to "go save them!!" myself.

I've tried numerous times to catch and domesticate the wild rabbits that (0ver)populate my neighbourhood in hopes of eating the produce in the many gardens of the homegrown-crazy Ukrainians' up here but unless you carry a head of lettuce in your back pocket, they ain't hoppin' anywhere near you.

In a brief moment of total desperation and consequent lapse of judgment that usually accompanies said ennui, I even considered buying a pet hermit crab with a uniquely? painted shell at the mall the other day. Thankfully, rationality returned before I could locate my debit card and common sense safely talked me out of that one.

My relentless pursuits to be given the opportunity to "be the person her dog thinks she is" or "become that crazy cat lady" will not cease. I still have a burning desire to cosset and coddle something furry, something fluffy, something with a tail but until that victorious day comes, I have added a virtual fish tank to the bottom of my blog. Feeding them electronic fish food flakes with the click of my mouse will have to suffice until I win this war on pethood.

{mitchell's} sick-isms.

It's amazingly endearing (in a way) how much being sick reduces men in to little boys. When Mitch texted me today to say that he was going home from work vomiting, I immediately thought " I knew I should just stay out of the kitchen!" I attempted to make dinner last night for the very first time in our co-habitance history (eggplant parmesan for those foodies out there) and strangely enough, Mitch wakes up the next day with a stomach flu. Coincidence? I thought not until I found out... everyone is sick. We stayed at Mitch's aunt's house this weekend and it seems a stomach bug is rapidly sweeping thru the family ... So far, I feel like a peach and I hope it stays that way as I started my first of four shifts today and don't want to spread it thru my unit. After working 12 hours, I returned home (after stopping to get electrolytes) to a super sick, febrile, couch-ridden Mitch, puke bucket in hand, ready to start my next shift with my live-in patient. I'm not used to having patients that can talk and it was quite entertaining the "sick-isms" that were leaving his mouth:

I have H1N1. I saw it on Jeopardy.

I might be dying!! You don't know that...

Will you rub my feet?

Your eyes look stunning.

I have nightmares when I'm sick (about what?) ... about fevers. ..... Stop laughing at me.

You have a very voluptuous left breast.

I have a heart beat in my chest. I hope it's not cancer.

You look beautiful.

Can you read me Harry Potter?

You look like Jennifer Aniston right now. Go look.

Can you make me a piece of bread? With butter? & Honey? (Butter? Not peanut butter?) I just don't know what peanut butter will do to me. It may coat my intestines...

I'm actually kinda sad he went to bed at 9:30. It was kinda entertaining taking care of "sick Mitch" and I'm not really looking forward to sleeping on the futon tonight.

open the eyes of my heart.

I've made the decision to go back to school to get my masters to become a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner next fall. It's a daunting task researching and applying to grad programs. It's a wee bit overwhelming obtaining all the required documents and I've spent the last couple of weeks studying the GRE, contacting colleagues for references and writing a rough draft for my personal statement in my spare time. I've been at a loss for words as to how to summarize why I have chosen to specialize in neonatalogy but as I watch this video of Christopher, I am reminded of all the reasons I have wanted to pursue this career for nearly a decade! If only I could submit this video to the admissions board, I'd be sure to be accepted.

tis' the season.

Having only permanently resided in two places (Florida and California) where it is only one magnificent season year round (the best season, summer!), I never really had an appreciation for what 'the four seasons' were until I moved to a place that experiences all seasons... to the extreme. Arriving in Winnipeg right at the end of fall, the leaves on the trees had already died and fallen off. Winter (October-April... none of that three months of each banter, it is by far the longest of the seasons up here!) came roaring in with a bone-chilling entrance 3 days after I arrived and continued to leave me frost bitten and shivering until about April when the snow melted and spring came... the typical April showers characteristic of spring lasted until about mid-July torrentially down pouring on everything and eventually all the brown slush and barren trees turned in to a lush green. My favourite part of spring was all the mama animals having their babies. I can't tell you how many families of geese and goslings I made Mitch pull over to watch waddle in to their respective ponds. But I am happy to report it's one week in to August and summer is officially here!!! I've been soaking up every unit of Vitamin D I can get and if it was physiologically possible, I would be storing up for the impending doom that is winter to fend off another case of seasonal affect disorder. Winnipeg really comes to life in the summer [No, Grams you don't need to strengthen your glasses Rx, I did just say something positive about Manitoba! =)] All winter I wondered why everyone I work with wasn't taking their allotted holidays during the most frigid temps to escape to somewhere warm (like LA!) & that the most senior of staff wait until August to take their coveted vacation time ... now I know why! There's different festivals almost every week (although, we often find out about them after they happen!) The weather is perfect: no humidity compared to what I grew up in, cools off at night, not a cloud in the big blue skies. Sun doesn't set until 10:00 or 11:00 so the days feel endless! Everyone has a cabin on one of the 10,000 lakes that they can escape to. I have been fortunate to have almost every weekend off in late June/July/August and while I have no proof on film, Mitch and I have been lucky enough to be able to take advantage of the time off/cooperating weather. Now if only I could tilt the Earth so that was summer all year round, I might actually learn to like this place.

the 'like nobody's watching' kind.

I really suck at thirty day challenges. Or anything that has the word "challenge" in it, really. I might be the least competitive person known to (wo)man and whenever I hear any word that may elude to conflict, hostility, arguments... I often exit the sitch ASAP skipping off in to the opposite direction blowing bubbles with my mango mist bubblegum while images of rainbows and unicorns stream through my mind dancing to a little melody that sounds a lot like "lalalalala" in my head. =)

The yoga "challenge" gave me no satisfaction and only left me with flank pain and daily dehydration migraines. I was more dedicated to taking advantage of my weekends off and instead of spending my spare time to the studio, I went out of town every weekend in that 30 days and left myself scrambling to find classes that fit around my work schedule (which took a 12 hour chunk out of every day I was in the city) and going to classes back-to-back on my days off. If it wasn't for the dollar signs I saw flying out the window every time I thought about driving right past the studio on my way home and not going, I probably wouldn't have even made it half as much as I did but regardless of the monetary-induced effort, there were not thirty purple heart-shaped stickers next to my name at the end as I did not actually complete the entire challenge.

And well, maybe I was pushing myself by committing to another 30-day'er only 2 weeks after the yogini in me died but the blog challenge miserably failed ... only posting like 14 pathetic times in June. I may have mastered avoiding all challenging situations but my real talent lies in making up excuses for I am the queen of rationalization and man do I have some great reasons for that failure including but not limited to: I lost my camera. I can't blog without photographic inspiration. I live in Winnipeg. I have found myself in no exciting situations for me to blog about. I'm an international citizen and isolated from everyone special to me. I have not talked to anyone from my past (read:American) life since I felt like I was being cryogenically preserved every time I stepped foot out of my apartment this winter and went into hibernation cutting off communication with everyone wonderful in my life. All I do is work. My job depresses me. I hate writing about sad things.

You catching my predicament-al drift??

Well, today I was presented with a positively new challenge: to dance more. I've been given a year to get over my fear. Make it a test to myself to break down any self-conscious barriers and let myself go. I've been told I'll have wonderful rhythm and I already have a perfect partner for dancing. As such a romantic and social person, embracing the dancer in me will make my life much better by the time I'm 25. I've been confused about what the next chapter of my life will be and while I still have no idea what this upcoming year will bring or where it will take me, I'm excited to know it will be filled with a lot more dancing ... I hope it's the "like nobody's watching" kind.

live with. dream with. love.

Today I will marry my friend,

the one I will live with, dream with and love

This past weekend Mitch and I drove down to Minneapolis for his good friend from the East Coast league's wedding. It was such a beautiful wedding surrounded by all the great people in Gino and Laura's life! I don't think Gino stopped smiling the entire day; it was so adorable how excited/happy he was to be marrying his best friend! While the newlyweds headed off to St. Lucia, Mitch and I headed to the Mall of America and spent a couple of days in the Twin Cities before coming back to the Peg yesterday! I was very excited to know that M.O.A. is only 4 hours further from my usual monthly drive to Fargo! =)

date of death.

One enters the medical field knowing that as much as your top priority is to help patients get better, sometimes death is imminent. In my specialty, technology has given us the gift to keep even the tiniest miracles alive. Ventilators assist damaged lungs. Dialysis replaces damaged kidneys. Medications can ease pain but it is these great advancements that consequently put us in incredible predicaments of not knowing when to stop providing care. How are we to decide that the interventions are causing more harm than good? Where do we even begin to define the quality of life of a little angel sweetly swaddled in a bassinet trapped inside a body paralyzed by faulty DNA?

It is never an easy decision... one that ultimately the parents have to make. The decision that furthering care is only prolonging the inevitable. That while we can sustain a life, she will not actually live one day of it. How do you decide? How do you set the date of death?

All cases in the NICU are super sad but every once in a while, there are certain patient's stories that hit me harder than others; mostly the ones without the happy endings. The ones that I can't rationalize in my head that it is okay. The ones that I find myself at the bedside constantly asking myself why bad things happen to good people? Why the sweetest families that truly appreciate all the care provided for them and their baby seem to always have the worst outcomes.

I think I have cried every day at work for the past month observing a situation you can only hope you yourself will never have to face; the ultimate test of strength. Strength as a mom. Strength as a wife. Strength as a person. The strength to let go. The strength to overcome. The strength to move on.

As I left the hospital tonight, I shed my usual tears but this time it was tears of relief, knowing you will finally be in a better place. You touched the hearts of many people in your short little life. Rest in peace, baby girl.

i want you.

So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.

why I do what I do.

I often struggle at my job with whether or not we are doing the right thing by saving some of the tiny lives that we do. Their lungs are underdeveloped requiring a ventilator to breathe for them. Their brains are so fragile, the deliveries often cause bleeds that leave them with developmental delays. Their tummies are too premature to digest food right away and often don't tolerate being fed long after they leave the NICU. They have faulty immune systems that don't fight infections effectively and the tiniest bug can spread throughout every organ in their body. They often have vision problems and hearing problems too.

Being premature literally affects every part of their tiny body and while we now have the technology to help them survive, I often fear their quality of life will not be worth the amount of pain they endure just to reach their due date. Its like we're committing daily little acts of torture on their tiny bodies when as something as simple as taking a temperature can cause them pain having immature pain receptors. I struggle with this everyday at my job wishing we would just know the outcomes of all the painful interventions we as nurses must do to keep these little babies alive. On the days that I struggle the most, I remind myself of my good friend Katie's tiny miracle who was born at 26 weeks gestation weighing less than 2 pounds and survived her two month NICU stay problem-free! Kylie is happy and healthy as can be! Living in California when she was born (in Florida at Christopher's NICU), I wondered when I would ever get to meet her. Maybe you remember me blogging about running in to her last summer in the Minneapolis airport but I was super excited when we drove up to Winnipeg last October and got to stop in Albuquerque to see them again! Its real miracles like little Kylie Marie that remind me why I do what I do!

april showers brings...

...more rain!?? Where the hell are my flowers and when will this rain ever stop?? At least if I lived in Seattle, I could don a bright yellow raincoat and some polka-dotted rain boots and head to the Pike Place Market or the pier but a continuous drizzle in Winnipeg only highlights it's greyness and leaves me nowhere to go but back in to hibernation! Rain, rain, go away. Come again in four months when I have relocated. Just kidding! (P.S. For those of you who are geographically challenged, this is where I live in relation to you! Right above North Dakota about an hour from the border. Miss you, America! ooxo)

tgif??

Thank Goodness it's Friday ... how is it Friday already?! I have not blogged since Monday which means I'm 3 days behind on my 30 day blogging challenge. I've worked the past couple of days and working 12 hour shifts just doesn't allot a lot time for blogging ... I've spent my entire day off super cleaning my apartment tackling the clothes mountain that always seem to accumulate in our room (and by always, I mean since I was like five years old). It's been so miserable outside raining every single day this week and kind of cold (again!). Because there's not much to do when it rains, I also have been going through my blog posts and reading old saved drafts. Most of them are incomplete thoughts that I start out passionately writing about something I really needed to get off my chest but then I never really run anywhere with it. I organized them and decided to post them to make up for my lost three days.

short stories.

9/16/09 - the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I recently received an e-mail from a childhood friend of my mother's. She mentioned in the e-mail her favourite memories from growing up with my Mum. It made me laugh because I spent the majority of my childhood years following her around wanting to be just like her when I grow up. She was always my best friend. Somewhere in my preteen years, I decided she was the weirdest person ever ... just like every teenager, I was encumbered my hormones and nothing she could do was right anymore. She listened to Bob Marley. Weird. She did yoga. Weirder. She ate tofu. Weirdest. But as I figure out who I am I realize I am turning in to my mother. And I couldn't be happier.

10/25/08- untitled.

sometimes i just wish i could go back. back to a time when goodbyes weren't for forever. friendships werent held across countries. hearts weren't breakable. saturdays were only game days. bed times didnt exist. work was defined by what you wanted to do in a day. it was acceptable not eat meals. it was okay to not have a dog, not that you werent capable. exhaustion was only felt at the end of a really good workout. somewhere comfortable. somewhere familiar. somewhere unknown. genuine source of happiness was a 2-year-old. always laughing. knew how to stand up for myself. i want to advance to a world where i knew how to protect my own heart. knew how to say no. knew all the answers. understood why. trusted. loved. one where i certain about my ability. able to love. able to rationalize. able to learn. able to breathe.

9/17/08 - anatomy of goodbye.

I've never been one much for saying goodbye. I find them tragic. This summer I have discovered there are several different versions of goodbyes. There are the goodbye for good in which I will probably never see the person again, co-workers, peers. There are the see you soons' in which this couldn't possibly be the last time I going to see you again. There are the pain staking, heart wrenching how will I go on without you in my daily life goodbyes. There are the I never realize how awesome it was having you in driving distance, holy cow there is a country between us now goodbyes. There are the I'm only saying goodbye so I can start counting down the days til I am going to see you again goodbye. There are the I know you're only a phone call away but what do I do when I need a hug? goodbye. There are the I didn't know I was saying goodbye goodbyes, in which I would have held on a little longer....

8/7/08 when i grow up...

When I grow up, I want to be a dj.

7/27/08 - Elderly Advice

I've had a lot of coffee talk this summer with Grams and her friends. They are full of wisdom and are always offering advice ... here are a couple of things I've learned from my elders:

1. it's just as easy to marry someone with money than it is to marry someone who is poor.
2. a leopard never changes his spots.

7/24/08 - What If?

i'm not sure if it is the fabulous runs i have been taking down endless country roads, through fields of bright, yellow canola with zero humidity that has allowed me to run for miles and completely clarify my mind or if it the incessant amount of free time, uninterrupted by modern day (cell phones, google, malls), that I have had the past month but I have found myself ruminating about everything lately. No single thought enters my mind without eluding to a thirty-minute rumination of all the details and strategies and pros and cons involved with the matter at hand. I've found myself constantly asking "what if?" What if my life doesn't turn out like I dream? What if I fail? What if I never learn when I've given too much? On the contrary, what if I didn't give enough? What if orange really is the new pink? I guess this is the weight of the real world everyone has warned me about.

excerpts of: The Gallo Family.

I found several unfinished posts about the Gallo Family. I guess I found it super hard to put in to words just how amazing they are! From their cooking (read: Gourmet Gallos) to their passion for volunteerism (read: Intertwined.) they are an incredible family and I am incredibly lucky to call them my own.

4/30/09 - Tarara Winery

While in Washington, the Gallos and I went to a fabulous wine tasting at a local winery, Tarara. It was interesting trying all the different wines made here with their interesting bodies and flavors (I don't really know much about tasting wine.) My favorite part of the day was driving through the country feeling so disconnected from civilization, a nice change from LA life.

6/15/08 - Intertwined

Happy Father's Day to the greatest Dad I know! It is hard to put into words the amazingness that is Mr. Rick! He is quite possibly the most selfless person I have ever known. Dedicating countless hours for decades to the March of Dimes, he embodies the true meaning of philanthropist.

12/28/08 - Danny.

When you have had the same best friend since 6th grade, you have had many conversations about your ideal man. And it makes me so happy to know my bestie will be marrying her perfect match!

12/28/08 - Gourmet Gallo.

My favourite part of coming back to Florida is the home cooked meals and Barb definitely raises the bar for good home cooking! She makes the most yummiest meals for every meal of the day.

7/21/09- A random act of kindness.

Just before Father's Day, I received an incredibly touching e-mail from Mr. Rick. He was writing to tell "his daughters" (how lucky am I to be included in that category!) that he already had everything he could ever ask for from Megan, Carly and I just in the young women we are and how proud we make him in the accomplishments we achieve and that all that he wanted for this Father's Day was for us to do something kind for someone else and tell him about it. He suggested we help the elderly or call someone that we would know would love to hear from us or something simple like that that would make a big difference in the lives of those around us. I immediately began searching for the perfect opportunity to commit my act of kindness but being on holidays and working non-stop didn't seem to present many opportunities to do any grand gesture I thought was worth telling about. Never good at giving obligatory gifts (holidays, birthdays, etc.) I decided to approach this gift to Mr. Rick the only way I know how to give gifts ... randomly; when I come across something that reminds me of someone I get it simply because I think they would like it ... not because I have to. It was hard to achieve a sense of randomness when I was so conscious of completing this task, especially since Father's Day was only a couple of days away... but I eventually put it out of my mind hoping the perfect opportunity would come about. I wouldn't say that this is any grand gesture but it was definitely random: I take the same short six mile drive to work everyday. When I get off the 101 at the Sunset Blvd exit I immediately have to stop at the top of the ramp and everyday at the stop sign is a guy who looks hot and weathered. Usually I spend my time at stoplights with homeless people begging at them trying not to make eye contact and anxiously awaiting for the light to turn green. I would never give them money and never have any food in my car. But this guy is young. Probably in his mid-twenties and his sign says "just keep living". There is certain sadness in eyes that breaks my heart. The only way I can stay awake working nights is to eat. Continuously. For 12 hours straight. Always getting so excited for all the food at Trader Joe's I usually just take an entire brown paper bag full of food instead of portioning it out. Today my bag consisted of white bean hummus with whole wheat naan bread, a pear and gorgonzola salad, vitamin water, raspberries, strawberries, a banana, cauliflower/broccoli medley, and the list goes on. I was sitting at the light and I could hear Mr. Rick's voice in my head and I rolled down my window and handed over my entire breakfast/lunch/dinner to him. His stone face never wavered but I felt satisfied knowing he would have a good meal today.

b.d.i.

I always start to write posts about Winnipeg but surprisingly, they never seem to go anywhere. I found a draft entitled "Winnipeg" and when I opened it, it was blank. Hmph.

Another draft I found was this post entitled "March Madness": March Madness is not just a term applicable to the college basketball tourney that can be found displayed on every TV in every sports bar at the moment with millions of intoxicated male alumni decked out from hat to the custom-made sneakers in their coveted alma mater's team logos probably icing each other, it's also a term I have applied to my Winnipegan life. Starting off, I just returned from a fabulous week's vaca in California to come home to snow and -31 degrees weather... that is madness.

That's as far as I got with that post.

But tonight, I discovered the magic of B.D.I. Well, in all honesty, I actually went there for the first time with Kristy and Heather last week but I feel like I felt the full effect tonight when Mitch and I went there for Date #2. I got a Skor flurry spoon shake (the closest thing I can get to a cookie dough blizzard) and M got a mixed berry shake. There were lots of couples on dates and families with kids! The line was as long as it was in this picture (I still have not replaced my camera but Google Image has become my new blogging best friend!)

After we got our treats, we walked over the bridge (B.D.I. stands for Bridge Drive-In) and through a quiet neighborhood on the other side looking at all the cute houses along the river that winds through Winnipeg and really screws up traffic... errr..

It has been super nice out lately and stays light out until about 10 so I plan to take full advantage of these long summer nights! =)

JUST MARRIED.

Congratulations to Creed & Kara.

Kara's in-laws had a fabulous wedding reception for them this past weekend. I'm sure Kara will blog about the details but I couldn't resist posting this super sweet picture of the two of the them at the "Honey Do" Shower.

thanks for being a friend.

us now.

us in ten years.

us in 30 years.When I watch Sex & the City, I think that's us (without the Chanel and the City) in ten years. Helping each other through marriages and parenting and careers. When I see groups of little old women, I (immediately think that I could never imagine reaching that age but) smile at the thought of knowing we will be planning Eternal Roommate Reunions for the next 50 years and no matter where life takes us, these three girls will always be a phone call/plane ride away! Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with. I know this is a quote from Sex & the City but Candace Bushnell brings up a really great point. The concept of a soul mate is really weird to me. Finding one person you're meant to perfectly match; your other half. A natural affinity to a complete stranger but a soul you have loved in many lifetimes before. I've decided my soul was divided into quarters and these are the three that complete me. Thanks for being a (soul)mate!

perfectly aligned.

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images

and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.

I know I said I wasn't going to just post pictures with quotes (or in this case lyrics: Such Great Heights by The Postal Service! = amazing.) so I'm going to elaborate on the handsome man with his arm around me in the picture who just so happens to my boyfmate. Mitch and I have known each other for quite awhile but like I have mentioned in previous posts, he doesn't actually remember me being a part of his childhood 'til fall semester of sophomore year in college when we started an e-mail correspondence in "a pathetic attempt to keep in touch" (that was the subject line). I'm not really sure what prompted this seemingly harmless catching up by two childhood friends but what resulted was a completely unexpected, insanely intense stream of love letters that had me racing back to my dorm in between classes to check my Inbox to see if my personal Shakespeare had responded. I specifically can remember sitting on my beanbag chair with my two roommates (fingertips shaking, heart racing) as I clicked "open" where the three of us would proceed to read and reread each e-mail until every word was committed to memory. It would then take us three days and an entire tube of cookie dough to respond, making sure each sentence was perfectly executed with the right amount of intelligence and humour.

(Sidenote: When I asked Mitch if he remembered the emails we sent in his college he said, "Mmm-hmm" and when I asked what he remembered about them his response was: "That we sent them." I might be going out on a limb here but I have a feeling he wasn't racing back to the Hockey House to see if I had replied.)

My favourite aspect of our penpalship was the format of our e-mails. I remember thinking how do you try to rekindle a childhood friendship now that we were quasi-adults (it was college; there was nothing real worldish about it.) so I started asking super childish questions like what's you favourite colour (baby blue) and favourite movie (Dead Poets Society). Mitchell had incredibly well thought out answers to my questions but it was the questions he proposed to me that really intrigued me. What's your favourite book? If you could meet anyone, who would it be? What are you passionate about? Where do you want to travel? His questions were so intellectual. When I would go visit him in Phoenix we would get completely lost in conversation and stay up all night talking about world issues, politics and random thoughts like the difference between being naive and closed-minded. To this day, the witty banter that occurs on a daily basis in our lives now is still a perfect blend of intelligence and humour, I'm still asking childish questions (mostly about the game of hockey) but Mitch is no longer as elated to stay up all night talking as I get lots of responses like "Why couldn't you think of these questions during the daytime?"

to bang or not to bang?

That is the question that has crossed my mind a lot recently...

GETCHO MIND OUT DA GUTTER!! I was referring to my most recent hair experiment. While in Studio City last week, I had Tate, my fabulous hair stylist who I still go to since I frequent LA enough my roots don't even grow out (no, I'm not this natural of a blonde), said he'd be honoured to cut "blunt bangs" as I like to call them for my first time. While I think it was all pleasure for him (typical) I was scared it would hurt and was worried what people would think of me (Seriously! We're talking hair here.) I know this picture is blurry as I lost my camera at a sporting event...

... when some rabid fan in front of me swung his towel in my face (just another reason why I don't attend them), spilt my wine (yes, I was drinking white wine at a hockey game) and sent my camera flying in to a crowd of 25,000 die-hards. Okay, I'm not really sure of the exact moment I lost my camera but all I know is I was taking lots of the pics during the warm-up skate (Mitch made me sit through it) and the fan with the helicopter towel really spilled my vino but as far as when my camera disappeared in to the red and navy blue abyss, I don't know...

Back to the bangs ... so I don't have any of my own pictures and had to crop this one from someone else's Facebook album who did have a vessel for taking photogs. Since this picture was taken, I have kept my bangs pinned back and haven't found the courage to rock them again. While I felt ready and knew it was with the right guy (Tate is an amazing stylist) and even though my blunt bangs may be pinned back for the rest of the summer, I know I'll never forget my first time... that one time... that I rocked bangs!