wish you were here!

It's Reese & I's last hoorah! this week and we're definitely going out with a bang! I've abandoned my watch + completely lost all sense of time. We roll out of bed, slide in to our beach attire (sundresses for me, rompers for Reese) + beeline for the pool every morning. We return smelling like coconuts and rejuvenated from the ample dose of Vitamin D we've just soaked in. I found myself saying, "Hey there, tan lines! Oh, how I've missed you!" to a bikini-clad self in the mirror today... "Welcome back!" We are enjoying simple luxuries like having fresh linens delivered + our bed turned down for us each day. We've only consumed drinks made of pureed fruit (Reese in the form of baby food, mine in the form of coladas). We have done nothing but relax. We must be on holidays + we absolutely wish you were here! =)

01.01.11 fireworks, party hats...

 ... and a little bit of lime.

2010: a radical review.

I'm blogging this from a remote location (Read: not on my MacBook) therefore there will be no pictures accompanying this post (except the ones in links I add like: this!) ... I'm turning this sweet sufferage of insomnia in to a radical, by all meanings of the word, review of the past year of my life... starting at the very beginning:

Twenty-Ten: My Life as A Canadian... and why tundra will never be the new tropic.

January.
New Years 2009! I was partying amongst rockstars (quite literally as that was the theme of the party I was at!) dancing in the middle of a circle of 15 middle-aged women chanting "If you like it than you should've put a ring on it!" in which I realized life doesn't stop at 50, like I had imagined it to... and in retrospect, he must not have liked it. This fantastic night was the beginning of an exciting month with a combination Phoenix/Los Angeles trip with M. and then a weekend of fashion, food, and fun in the socialite mecca- NYC - with my besties! I also began to precept my first nursing student before the month finished.

February.
One word defines February of 2010: Olympics. Being on the same soil as the Games, Canadians were so proud to be hosting the Winter Olympics and our spirited little red mittens were seen everywhere, almost endearingly. My auntie from Vancouver went "Olympic-sh*t crazy" and hosted one helluva 2-week party. As a dual citizen, I got to celebrate double the amount of victories for both Team USA + Team Canada... and my own personal victory was with Mother Nature, as I survived the two coldest months of the year in which temps dropped down to -40 (with the windchill) on occasion.

March.
March was madness. I flew to LA and went to a live taping of American Idol with Carly. Then we headed to Vegas for the weekend where we drank fruity cocktails out of a plastic man while plastic-like men danced around us at Chippendales... My lifelong wish for a big brother finally came true on the 20th when Kara & Creed got married and I learned the definition of webcast... as friends & family from around the world were at the ceremony in {internet} spirit.

April.
April did not just bring May flowers. It brought me the exciting news that I was going to have a niece in September!!! It also brought me on an official "first date" (and in retrospect, perhaps simultaneously a "last date" as well?)  to a John Mayer concert. It brought me to a yoga studio... repeatedly...until my kidneys cried. But my favorite place April brought me was to the beautiful city of Montreal, where I fell in love with its French fusion and cobblestone streets. While in Montreal, it (It being the Metro.) brought me to an amazing Cirque du Soleil performance in a real circus tent, a biodome, and to not one, but two!, NHL playoff games!!! April was awesome.

May.
Keeping up with the pattern of returning to LA every 2 months since I left my happy place, I headed back out to LA in May to soak up the sun and get my roots touched up. Carly + I went on a wine tasting in Santa Barbara and I have no photographic form of any of these memories because I lost my camera at the aforementioned hockey game... and failed to replace it until September.

June & July.
The summer months consisted of a lot of rain mixed with some incredible long summer nights where the sun, Mr. Golden Sun, shed its light down on me 'til the wee hours of the morning for the first time in months. I optimized the days off in between little clusters of shifts to laze by the lakes, read books in fields and run through the countryside. I ate ice cream at sunset. I hosted a baby shower for Kara and went to a fairytale wedding with M. in Minneapolis. I struggled with the emotional challenges that unavoidably come with being a nurse... and a defining moment for me was when I realized for the first time that I was struggling with the emotional challenge that accompanies a hopeless romantic's belief that fairytales exist.

August.
I'm not sure what it was about August, perhaps a very frustrating apartment hunt or the broken promise of not having to sell your soul to the Devil just to survive another winter in Winnipeg or the tragic loss of a patient and the absence of my biggest supporter to help me through-  that inspired me to start living the life of my own dreams, but I mustered up some courage and I did it!... Not sure even where to start, I dug up my Bucket List, drew a swirly schematic of my life and began at the very top of my compilation: Get My Masters Degree. I spent August researching grad programs, studying for the GRE and daydreaming of somewhere warm to relocate to.

September.
Always a special month because my birthday is on the 26th. I received the best birthday present EVER 4 days early ... the birth of my niece, Reese Rylie! It was such a proud moment becoming an Auntie for the first time... an unforgettable, instantaneous love so strong to a tiny, beautiful baby so sweet!  My present to myself (I get one every year!) was the enrollment in to a creativity course that reawakened my creative soul. It might have marked the beginning of a very challenging search for the courage to stop letting life pass me by + start finding my way again... I wasn't (and in so many ways, still not) quite sure how this journey would take course...

October.
...but things got a little bit clearer when I left on the one year anniversary of my hasty relocation to the White North to spend some time down South. I learned that love at first sight does exist. I learned that the best things in life aren't actually things. I learned that sometimes love isn't enough. I learned that Halloween isn't just for little kids... even if you're dressed like one.  I learned that the {surreal} life found in LA is the most fulfilling escape from the mundanes of adulthood... and why sometimes back where you started from is right where you belong.

November.
I did a lot of letting go. I let go of my fairytale dream. I let go of my job. I let go of the comforts of my apartment. I let go of a lot of emotions in the form of endless tears. I was shocked by how much the more I let go, the more beautiful life in Winnipeg became to me as the weight was lifted. I was enjoying going to work and was surprisingly, dreading my last day. I was going on dinner dates with friends + couldn't fathom saying good-bye. I was excited for the snowfall + I loved, loved, loved being with my cousins. For once, I could hardly wait to leave and cried the whole way to the border. The irony was almost patronizing.

December.
In December, I found the cure for a broken heart: to borrow the hearts of the great people in your life and submerse yourself entirely in laughter, reminiscing and lots of, lots of love, the unconditional kind... and slowly, almost unnoticeably, your heart will begin to repair itself. Yummy meals with the Gallos. Scrabble with Grams. Running errands with Kara. Skype dates with Deidre. Reading with Reese. E-mail chains with Kristy. Chicago with Megan. Home with the Hallams. Playdates with Miss Kate + conversations with Rhonda. Work-outs with Jess. Seeing the world through Christopher's eyes. Sleeping in the same bed as my mom. Quietly, my heart was starting to find its beat again.

As 2010 comes to an end, I have spent so many of the last sleepless nights reflecting a lot about all the LIFE tiles I accrued and the meanings behind them... While I have no real understanding of the course of the last year at the moment (I'm sure Hindsight will be able to see it, crystal clear.) I'm certain everything happens for a reason and that's what life is for: finding out why. I'm learning to forgive (mostly myself) in order to move forward. Holding grudges and having regrets always seemed like a waste of energy to me; if a lesson was learned, neither seem worth the expenditure.

The funny thing about life is that it goes on, whether you are choosing to sit back and watch it pass you by or choosing to live each day to the fullest... because it is a choice, you know? After succumbing to sadness this past year, I think I'll opt for the latter in this new year. My mantra for 2011 will be something along the lines of: take life by the sapphire-encrusted horns + seize the opportunity each new day brings.

Oh, 2011. How I welcome you with open arms... sans my heart on any sleeves. I can't wait to embrace you, big-bear-hug style, with restored sanity, superheroine strength and a radiant smile! =)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Dearest twenty-ten, 

I don't quite know how to say this but I'm sooo HAPPY to see you go! You challenged me in so many ways I don't like to be challenged. You stomped on my rose-colored glasses and simultaneously, stole my sanity. You took me out of my element, shivering and sad. You shattered my dreams and left me hopeless. You brought about a lot of heartache and frankly, I am counting down the hours until I can raise my plastic cup of champagne, scream HAPPY NEW YEAR! and bid you adieu. You were one difficult year...  

Thanks for making me stronger.  

Jocelyn

christmas tradition?

 I think Grams + I are on to something... maybe sembling a new tradition... After going to see a sold-out Little Fockers on Christmas Day (Grams could not get over how packed the theatre was... "These people should be at church!"), we stopped at one of the only places open for dinner... a Mountain Brewery!

 From our keg to yours, hope your holidays are filled with lots of Christmas Beer Cheer! 

{Notice the beer-making equipment in the background of our Christmas Card 2010}

Yesterday, we hit up the Boxing Day/After Christmas sales! I have one more wonderful day with this fabulous lady... not quite sure what I will do with myself when she's gone. 

Merry Christmas!

M.F.T. #22: The Magic of Christmas

I have to admit I haven't been in much of the Christmas spirit this year. I didn't hang a single ornament. I didn't pick out coordinating wrapping paper and wrap a bunch of thoughtful presents. I didn't send a single card. I didn't bake any gingerbread cookies (I don't think I ever did this but it sounds like something I should be doing...). I didn't start a countdown and call me Ebenezer!! but until yesterday, I wasn't even sure what day Christmas actually fell on. 
I feel somewhat hypocritical this December. While I have forced myself to take time out of every day this month to remind myself of things that make me happy (and how spoiled am I that I have so many favorite people/things in my life!), I have secretly spent the other remaining minutes of each day dwelling on the fact that this Christmas, my heart is breaking... and no amount of carolling or egg nog has allowed me to escape that pain. So I have done the only thing I can do about it and that is to endure it...and it hasn't been pretty. I've channeled some of my sorrow through writing, released some of my anger at the gym but mostly I've spent a vast majority of my days grieving my loss the only way I know how: analyzing/crying/repeat. Sometimes your dreams just isn't what life has planned and as I fall asleep tonight wishing for the one thing I waited all year for... to be waking up in a winter wonderland to the pitter patter of a four-year-old running above me who can hardly contain the excitement of Santa's arrival... I'm reminded of the four-year-old that usually comes out in me on Christmas Eve... when the magic of Christmas comes to life! For Santa Claus comes tonight!
My mom was exceptionally good at keeping the mystery of Santa Claus alive. I'm quite certain Kara + I were the last of our friends to believe in St Nic (*Sidenote: as I write this sentence, I actually googled "Santa Claus isn't real" to make sure I am not the first person to post it on the internet!*) and long after my mom knew we were in on her little secret, she still would use her reverse psychology (did anyone else have to deal with a mom who had a degree in neuropsychology growing up?) on us, trying to trick us in to thinking Santa and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny were real. She had good collateral as they all spoiled us rotten, knowing EXACTLY what we wanted... in the right size and colour... so the thought of them not coming simply because we didn't believe in them was taunting to a 12-year-old. 
But as I grow older both physically and cognitively, I've never been so sure of my belief in Santa Claus! Not so much in the North Pole, the elves or the reindeer... but the concept of him! A warmth that brings families together. A spirit that inspires you to give to those around you. A season filled with so much cheer. The magic of Christmas is most certainly real and it fills the hearts of everyone who believes in it, even the broken ones.      

M.F.T. #21: {unconventional} Christmas.

It is Christmas Eve and I am so lucky to get to spend it with this lovely lady, just her and I... eating Pringles, watching The Proposal and doing each other's make-up in our pajamas. It's not the most conventional way to spend Christmas but one thing certain about our family... there's nothing conventional about it. I often catch myself wishing for the perfect family, one where everyone got along. Everyone loved unconditionally. Divorce was a foreign term. I long for a "childhood home" to retreat to where I would find the Strawberry Shortcake wallpaper still on the walls and one of those hammocks of all the stuffed animals I had growing up. Sometimes I try to imagine what it would be like to have a seemingly "normal" family... one that went on family vacations together and sent out annual Christmas cards.... one that talked on a semi-regular basis and knew the day-to-day details of one another's lives. I wish for this and then I decide it would be boring. To know exactly how we were going to spend your holidays. Who would be in attendance. What food would be served. While these are all things I will definitely strive for in my own family I create one day, I'm okay with the dysfunction of my family. It is our "norm" and while it's entirely unconventional which is challenging at times, I wouldn't have it any other way... for that be normal, which would be weird.    

{vintage} Christmas.

 Bringing home our first tree together- Christmas '05.

Our stockings were hung by the chimney with care... for our annual Secret Santa!  

 Donning our Christmas scarfs to go ice skating downtown. 

Our ostentatious holiday jubilee...oh! How I miss thee...se three girls during the holidays!  

thanksgiving tradition.

When I left Winnipeg on Wednesday (more on that in a future post), I was determined to get to spend Thanksgiving the most traditional way I know how ... with good food + great company!... With these simple staples as my prerequisites, there was only one place that could be ... in a (homemade) kitchen with the Gallos!  Lucky for me, Mr. Rick, Barb + Carly had flown up to D.C. to be with Meg+Danny and while it wasn't exactly on my way to Knoxville, it wasn't tooo out of the way either so after battling several blizzards which melted into rainstorms the further South I went, I made it with exactly one hour left of Thanksgiving to eat some of the tastiest turkey my tastebuds have ever known and Barb's infamous pumpkin roll!    

  I have spent the majority of every major holiday the last few years with the Gallos. Sadly, my blog does not reflect this and when I was pondering why that is, I realized it's because when I am with them we do very ordinary things that you normally would not document (eating dinner, watching movies, playing cards). But when in their presence, it becomes extraordinary + while its hard to capture in photographs, its definitely worth documenting, even if its hard to find the words to describe it, so I was trying to be conscious of taking candid photogs to remember this super special weekend.
When we're together, we spend lots of time cooking (most of the time I fall asleep curled up in a ball on the couch absorbing Barb's cooking skills via osmosis)

 Friday, we tackled the crowds of  Black Friday and the five of us did a little bit of shopping at our favorite stores (me = Anthropologie!). When we got home that afternoon, we watched Meg+Danny's wedding video and it was perhaps my favorite part of the weekend. To say their wedding was one of my favorite nights of my life would be an understatement. Carly studies architecture at Florida International University in Miami + Friday night we made a delicious Spanish style dinner while consuming yummy wine and dancing to reggaeton! 

so many laughs ... 

. 

 

 It felt great to be back in the country that reserves every Saturday from September- December for (college football's) Gameday and it just so happened to be UF vs. FSU, both of our alma maters biggest rivalry game! We have spent many games together like this one and after a six year winning streak, the Gators lost (badly) to the Seminoles. Danny was super excited!! I feel so lucky to probably be the only person in orange & blue that Danny (FSU's #1) would hug while wearing "such ugly colors!"

Meg+Danny's closest friends in DC also came over to watch the game (They are LSU alum and watched their game simultaneously on a TV in the next room!) and afterwards we played many rounds of cards (the name of the game we played is a profanity that rhymes with shmasshole) until the "Must only speak in Spanish" rule was implemented and I had to call it a "noche". HA!

I'm not sure exactly what I am doing with my life at this exact moment but I am quite certain that surrounding myself with the people I love the most is at the top of my life list ... the Gallos (all 5 of them) are my "thanksgiving tradition" + I am so happy it worked out for me to be with them this year.

With a lot more inner reconciliation to be had, it was no wonder I hopped back in my car today and drove seven more hours to my sister's to see Kara, Grams + Reese.
  

happy halloween!!! X 3.

When our uber-original idea for a Halloween costume was aired on the Today Show + in a window display at American Apparel, Carly + I decided that maybe the once popular, iconic Troll Dolls were making a comeback this year so we abandoned our nude unitards + inspired by a boy scout shirt Carly found in a vintage shop in Echo Park, we came up with these lovely costumes:

 Carl Fredricksen + Wilderness Explorer Russell 

 . Friday night we went to a bar in Hollywood rented out by Harvard alumni/people in the entertainment industry so the combined intelligence + vested interest in the film industry made our costume(s) a huge hit! 

Last night, we went on a mini pub crawl in Santa Monica with these hooligans (the guys Carly works with dressed up as wrestlers .... here is 7 of the 9 of them!) + needless-to-say, we had a lot more explaining to do as we were not "sexy einstein/sexy old man + sexy girl scout/sexy balloon boy tied together with balloons - Happy Birthday!!" as some intoxicated people thought.

Perfecting my perpetual scowl + Carly's alarmingly sunny disposition

 in the back of a cab with our balloons that floated above us in the bars all night ....

When your routine for getting ready to go out includes glueing on eye lashes, spray painting your hair grey + stopping at a costume shop to buy a fresh bouquet of balloons, it really is a lot of dedication but it's not stopping us from celebrating a third night in a row.  Tonight we are headed to West Hollywood to watch the infamous parade + hang out with some of LA's finest drags. Happy Halloween (weekend!)!!!  =)

lucky stars.

          She thanks her lucky stars.

Today is (Canadian) Thanksgiving and to me, it is toooo weird to celebrate Turkey Day 1. in October 2. Without a parade and 3. Without going to bed dreaming of all the door busters I would get in the morning ... therefore I forfeited. But seeing as I did receive a few texts wishing me a happy T-giving, I spent a great majority of today pondering what I am thankful for + because my brain has a crazy confusing thought process, I organized my thankfuls in the order that I encounter them in a day. Then I limited the list to 8 as I have a habit of getting carried away:

1. Caffeine + Hazelnut Cream + Splenda. Must. Have. It. Everyday. I can't think of a more ideal way to jumpstart my day than a freshly brewed cup of half coffee/half cream + 3 Splendas. The sweeter the better for I am a firm believer that all things in life should taste like cake!!

2. My running shoes + my IPOD.  I have run a lot of miles in the sneaks I currently own and I think of those 1 full/2 half marathons every time I lace up my shoes ... and then feel the ground beneath my feet because there is not much sole left in them. While I cherish the memory of running with my disc man + it skipping with every step I took, I'm so thankful for every IPOD I have ever owned. Idk how anyone can run long distances without music to drown out the breathlessness and as a lover of lyrics, sometimes I literally get lost in the words of the songs on my "working on my fitness" playlist. 

3. Sunshine. I wish I could bottle it up + keep it in a mason jar in my pocket.

4. My agenda + coloured pens.  I've had an agenda a.k.a. "my life" ever since I started acquiring semi-important responsibilities when I quickly realized I am a very disorganized person and when combined with extreme procrastination = dropped balls everywhere... My agenda helps me juggle it all but I will only write in it with pretty coloured pens! My rainbow of checked off boxes really could be one of the obscure pieces of "modern art" featured at the MOMA! Consider this my pretentious description of my work.

5. Great Conversations. There is a strong correlation between how long I have known someone and how much I enjoy the conversation. At times this state of mind hinders me from letting in new people but I can't refrain from a good reminiscing sesh to relish in + will seize every opp to revisit my childhood/college years/days with my mum with old friends/great family. i.e. I've known Kara my entire life, (obvi) + this past week has been filled with great convos!  

6. Coffee shops + book stores. I think I frequent one or the other every single day of my life + especially love it when the two are combined! They both have such magnificent aromas. They are both great places for people-watching... + eavesdropping (6a. I have a guilty pleasure of listening in on the conversations occurring around me). They are both perfect environments to think.    

7. Traveling + photographs. The world is my oyster + I am determined to find the pearls in all the magical cities in the world. I am incredibly attracted to the stamps in Mitch's passport + I am determined to fill up mine by the time it expires in 2013. The only thing fabulous about a vacation ending is all the photographic memories I return home with!  

8.. Heads-up pennies. Wish bones. Lucky stars. Vehicles that enable me to dream the life I live + live the life of my dreams.

dirty santa.

Every Christmas Eve, the Hallams host a fabulous gathering called "dirty santa". I have been so very lucky to be included in the tradition the past two years. This year, I went home with a book entitled "How to Traumatize Your Children", Taylor received a Richard Nixon plate and Tammy got post cards with adorable animals adorned with awesome messages like "I'm sleeping with your best friend". Some families bake cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve; I'm glad I've been adopted into the family that spends it laughing over absurdity.

gobble til ya wobble!

This Thanksgiving we gave our thanks and spent our giving with twelve of our friends orphaned in LA this holiday! Colleagues of mine, cousins, actors, a friend from college, the three girls Carly lived with before I got out here and even Carly's sister, Taylor, came to our place for a fabulous feast! We ate lots of good food. We played games. We drank boxed wine. We had lovely weather so we took advantage of being one of only places celebrating Thanksgiving that you could eat outside and brought our home-cooked meal to our community courtyard; it was the perfect day! 

turkey day in tinsel town.

Ostentatious Holiday Jubliee

My roommates recently hosted a very Ostentatious Holiday Jubilee in which we conjugated over friends, spirits, and ham! It was required that you wear a tacky holiday sweater in order to attend ... my sweater came complete with dancing reindeer, jingle bells, and blinking lights! No outfit would be complete without furry leggings to match ... here are the highlights...

First Annual Patricio Fall Festival

This weekend was the First Annual Patricio Fall Festival! Amber and DJ put together a fabulous fall celebration for all their friends and family at their beautiful home in Land O' Lakes! Complete with your choice of caramel or candy apples (homemade by Amber), hay rides, potato sack races, a bonfire and smores for roasting, good food and even greater company.. this is the start of a family tradition I'm glad I was able to be a part of!

Day of the Dead

Today is November 1st and not only does that mean that rent is due but it also means that today is the Mexican Holiday- Day of the Dead, emphasizing on celebrating and honoring the lives of the deceased, and celebrating the continuation of life; the belief is not that death is the end, but rather the beginning of a new stage in life. Some Mexicans feel that death is a special occasion, but with elements of celebration, because the soul is passing into another life. Plans for the festival are made throughout the year, including gathering the goods to be offered to the dead. On November 1st (All Saint's Day) and 2nd (All Soul's Day) families usually clean and decorate the graves and visit the cemeteries where their loved ones are buried and decorate their graves with ofrendas, or offerings, which often include orange marigold called "cempasuchil," in modern Mexico this name is often replaced with the term "Flor de Muerto", Spanish for "Flower of the Dead". These flowers are thought to attract souls of the dead to the offerings. Some families build altars or small shrines in their homes which usually have pictures of deceased relatives and other persons, and scores of candles. Traditionally, families spend some time around the altar praying and telling anecdotes about the deceased. A common symbol of the holiday is the skull which are often made of sugar and can be gifts of both the living and the dead. Last year, we celebrated Day of the Dead ourselves at Aunt Travis' house (Carly's aunt who has adopted all of us). We had a sugar skull decorating contest and even made our own shrine where we told stories and brought pictures of loved ones that have passed (i.e. the 13 pet goldfish Carly and Megan killed last year). The best part was the costume contest in which we were told to dress up like Mexicans... Jordan and I won best costume!