i heart tofino.

From the moment I met Sammi some three odd years ago, she has been telling me about this hippie, little surf town on Vancouver Island that she just had to take me to because I "would fall madly in love with it immediately". Back in August, I realized I had three days off in the middle of the week so I called Sammi on a whim. "What are you doing two days from now? Let's go to Tofino!" So just like that, we rented a tent from REI, packed up the baby, boarded a ferry and spent three incredible days in my now most favourite spot in the world. 

We combed the long beaches for driftwood. We endured torrential rain and immense sunshine, sometimes simultaneously. We bought crab from a local fisherman and boiled it on the campfire in salty ocean water (per his recommendations) and made a delectable surf & turf supper. We watched the seaplanes fly in and take off. We went whale watching and sailed miles off the coast through a thick rim of fog which unveiled rocks blanketed with sea lions. I gleefully left a part of my heart in Tofino that week...

I heart tofino. from Jocelyn Kirk on Vimeo.

...with the happy assurance that I will be back for it someday.  

bohemian rhapsody.

I recently came to the revelation that one week post-grad school, I ran for the mountains + found a little not-quite-grown-up-reality at the base of the Rockies in a hip, little town by the name of Denver... to put off all things adult-like and carry on being noncommittal. My gypsy ways have flourished here in a city where altitude adjustments have redefined my alcohol tolerance and thin air has remodelled my ability to run three miles.

I came here with a few not-so-lofty goals on my to-do list + while none of them will help me decide what to do with my shiny, new degree, I'm completely smitten dedicating too much time to sampling coffee houses {coffee shop shopping, as I like to call it}, reading memoirs {for research purposes, only}, + dressing up in outlandish outfits {for charity, of course}... with a little imamaster flair.

Naturally, there have been a few adult-ish tasks thrown in the mix... resumes have been updated, double dental infections have been attended to + my 3.5-year-old lemon of a vehicle {one of the last commitments I made before abandoning all aspects of my life that were over-binding + bogging down the dreamer in me} got a new engine this week, an entire engine! ...

See?! I'm making baby steps towards becoming an adult... teeny, tiny little gleams of growing-up progress in the form of more balanced sleep/wake cycles, skincare regimes + the kissing of unicorns. Slowly, I am learning how to embrace the independence that has defined my mid-twenties + all the freedom {and little direction} that comes with having the world as my oyster... discovering the tune of my very own bohemian rhapsody, one obnoxious, white hat + several mint-infused cocktails at a time.  

but it sure would be prettier with you.

I’ve got my ticket for the long way ‘round
The one with the prettiest of views

It’s got mountains, it’s got rivers,

it’s got sights to give you shivers

But it sure would be prettier with you

when dreams become reality.

I have been doing this thing lately, akin to a bad habit, where I discover a blissful spot to sit down + unfurl all the fleeting thoughts that have been circulating in my mind for the past ... oh, I-don't-know... two years!... into a poignant piece weaved together with heart + humility, purpose + passion... but then my mind races in a gobjillion different directions, in my feeble attempt to recount all the marvelous {and not so fabulous} things that have taken place, the risks, the opportunities that accompany said risks, the lessons I've learned, the places I have explored, the food I have tasted, the people I have encountered ... amidst the one daunting task that was GRAD SCHOOL {+ work full-time}... + then I start to feel overwhelmed as the anxiety creeps up my spine + my head begins to spin as the proverbial freight train of clustered thoughts runs through it... so instead, I defeatedly close my laptop, take a deep breath and quietly think, tomorrow; maybe tomorrow I will find the clarity to write... but the truth is, I will never a write a blog post again if I wait for the clarity to come because this whole coming-of-age chapter about self discovery... that I have found my twenty-something self deep in the trenches of... doesn't provide much insight into anything concrete, except Seattle coffee... there is no doubt that it is the best brew these taste buds have ever known. So if you are still reading, this mumbled hot mess of my current stream of consciousness... paired with a couple random instagrams thrown in for good measure... are just for you...

... and to let you know that I DID IT! I'm not sure how but I survived grad school and I now have a crumbled little paper certificate to PROVE IT. It's official. I'm a master... A MASTER. It's been two weeks since I defended that damn scholarly project that I worked on for countless hours over the past eight months... and it still doesn't feel real. I really did it?! There have been many tiny moments recently that I am so overcome with happiness that I cry little tears of joy in the most unassuming places... and I smile a permasmile feeling like I'm walking on clouds... because I kind of am here in the city that is a mile high and ironically, making it impossible to catch my breath, literally. {Also, figuratively: figure out where to go from here}. There will be a celebration in mid-June when the community of amazing people I am so lucky to know who graciously helped me attain this lofty goal will gather in Seattle + drink locally brewed beer + eat oysters and I'll shed many more tears giving a commencement speech about all the heroes in my life that continue to inspire me in ways they will never truly understand + we'll eat cupcakes + wear pearls + enjoy the love that I am certain will be palpable... but for now, I am going to relax + drink in the wild air, focusing on restoration + removing those bags from under my eyes + just breathe, for a change. Sitting still was never my thang but as it turns out, I totally dig it, mildly hypoxic at 5,280 feet up in the air. eeeeee yaay! Thanks be to all of you for helping me make my dreams a reality!! =)  

Reese: the interview.

Reese: the interview. from Jocelyn Kirk on Vimeo.

Celebrating the first day of spring today by setting side some time to cozy up in a coffee shop by a window with the Colorado {yes, I have some serious life updating to do!} sunshine piercing through and edit an interview I did with Reesey Bird over Christmas. Have you ever tried to interview a 2-year-old? Please forgive the volume fluctuations, the unsteady hand, the awkward camera angles, the sniffly nose, the poor lighting, + my obnoxious voice. =) 

P.S. 2:15 absolutely slays me. 

FACT: drug-abusing moms produce drug-addicted babies.

I am on a short, eight week travel assignment here in Knoxville devoting most of my time to cosseting Kara's little pips and finishing my final quarter of grad school via distant-learning {bless you, internet!} but for ~thirty-six hours a week I have been spending my days working in a neonatal intensive care unit that feels more like a rehab center... shushing, swaddling and reinserting pacifiers in to the mouths of high-pitched screaming, tremulous, vomiting full-term {Read: if they hadn't been exposed to drugs in utero, they would be perfectly healthy} babies experiencing drug withdrawal. I have intermittently cared for newborns withdrawaling throughout the last four+ years but the pandemic it appears to be here in Tennessee {as one baby is born an hour that will go through withdrawal}, it is nothing short of devastating feeling as though these babies don't stand a chance in Hell in making it out of the grave social situations they were born in to. My profession can be hard and challenging but I have learned that I manage the heartbreak that some days hold best by giving my all while I am within those nursery walls + letting it all go by finding a healthy balance living a stress-free, silly, exciting,  adventurous life on every one of my days off... but here, I am finding myself not being able to let it go when I clock out. What is going to happen to these babies when they go home? What needs to be done to prevent babies from being born to drug abusers? While it is only my job to love them with all my being for a challenging twelve hours at a time, reserving judgment for higher powers {like the Department of Child Services... and karma}, it breaks my heart to nurse these helpless, little beings back to health knowing they will go home with the very same mothers who choose to do drugs during pregnancy. I try to remain hopeful + optimistic that these sweet souls will inspire their parents to get off drugs and give them the upbringing they deserve... but my instincts {founded in personal experience + research} tell me that is not the most probable outcome. I cannot save all babies...although some days with the proper cape + pair of shoes, I feel like I could...so I will have to resort to spending my remaining time here allowing these beautiful babies to borrow my heart and hope-to-goodness their mothers' figure out how to operate their own in the interim.      

of squishy newborns, bamboo blankets, bottomless carafes of caffeine, vivacious two-year-olds + a reality that's better than dreams...

Life around these parts have been some-kind-of-wonderful meets over-the-moon-awesomeness, sprinkled with a little bit of restoration... + a whole lot of caffeine consumption. Reese + Preston are at my absolute two favorite ages... the squishy newborn, swaddled in bamboo, full of lots of big yawns + wrinkly, one-eyed grins variety combined with the inquisitive toddler phase where chocolate milk is an acceptable breakfast, dancing around in your pajamas til 3pm constitutes a good day + everything that isn't a challenge::meltdown is big-belly-laugh funny. Every little moment with them gives each day so much meaning, it's hard to find motivation to do anything else {like go to work or write a gobjillion page paper that is due tomorrow...} when you just want to drink every bit of them up... knowing that in a short month, I will be forced to wake up from this eight-week, better than reality dream... and return to my final clinical portion somewhere in this country. The only saving grace: seventy days until I am a MASTER.  

a merry little new year.

Last Saturday {12/29/12}, my tiny nephew came in to this world a couple of weeks prematurely, weighing a teeny fivepounds//fifteenounces. Preston Reid spent a few days in the intensive care unit I am currently working in + while no words can describe the overwhelming feelings of happiness + sadness, hope + fear, + instant heart-bursting love that penetrated my usual routine of shushing + nurturing preemies as I would glance across the nursery in between feeding babies + see my sister kangarooing her fragile son, they/me/we are so happy that he was able to come home yesterday... healthy + sooo full of squishy, newborn goodness... + with the sweetest little wrinkle on his forehead, one just like big sister's.

I am so lucky to get to spend the first month of this merry, little new year drinking up southern comfort, cuddling little mister + fostering the imagination of a very precocious two-year-old. I am beyond thankful for these merry, little moments where life continues to allow me to temporarily be roommates with my sister again + again to love on her littles, play endless board games late at night + fold the occasional load of laundry. & I am so happy that the man she married is the big brother I always wished for growing up + that he is the only person that can recite as many awful lyrics of rap songs from the late 90's as I can.

I have a few lofty goals penciled in to my life schematic for this new year, both personally + professionally, and they can all be summed up in to two simple words: grow up!... The hard work put forth + sacrifices made in pursuit of big dreams this past year will come to fruition in beautiful coming-of-age discoveries + I'm over-the-moon excited to see where these merry, little new beginnings take me: across graduation stages... on trains through europe... over the threshold of a new home... maybe even in to the arms of someone special. Stranger things have happened, I suppose.  ;)

...now, if you'll excuse me, I have some snuggling to do.