Monday, July 19, 2010

the 'like nobody's watching' kind.

I really suck at thirty day challenges. Or anything that has the word "challenge" in it, really. I might be the least competitive person known to (wo)man and whenever I hear any word that may elude to conflict, hostility, arguments... I often exit the sitch ASAP skipping off in to the opposite direction blowing bubbles with my mango mist bubblegum while images of rainbows and unicorns stream through my mind dancing to a little melody that sounds a lot like "lalalalala" in my head. =)

The yoga "challenge" gave me no satisfaction and only left me with flank pain and daily dehydration migraines. I was more dedicated to taking advantage of my weekends off and instead of spending my spare time to the studio, I went out of town every weekend in that 30 days and left myself scrambling to find classes that fit around my work schedule (which took a 12 hour chunk out of every day I was in the city) and going to classes back-to-back on my days off. If it wasn't for the dollar signs I saw flying out the window every time I thought about driving right past the studio on my way home and not going, I probably wouldn't have even made it half as much as I did but regardless of the monetary-induced effort, there were not thirty purple heart-shaped stickers next to my name at the end as I did not actually complete the entire challenge.

And well, maybe I was pushing myself by committing to another 30-day'er only 2 weeks after the yogini in me died but the blog challenge miserably failed ... only posting like 14 pathetic times in June. I may have mastered avoiding all challenging situations but my real talent lies in making up excuses for I am the queen of rationalization and man do I have some great reasons for that failure including but not limited to: I lost my camera. I can't blog without photographic inspiration. I live in Winnipeg. I have found myself in no exciting situations for me to blog about. I'm an international citizen and isolated from everyone special to me. I have not talked to anyone from my past (read:American) life since I felt like I was being cryogenically preserved every time I stepped foot out of my apartment this winter and went into hibernation cutting off communication with everyone wonderful in my life. All I do is work. My job depresses me. I hate writing about sad things.

You catching my predicament-al drift??

Well, today I was presented with a positively new challenge: to dance more. I've been given a year to get over my fear. Make it a test to myself to break down any self-conscious barriers and let myself go. I've been told I'll have wonderful rhythm and I already have a perfect partner for dancing. As such a romantic and social person, embracing the dancer in me will make my life much better by the time I'm 25. I've been confused about what the next chapter of my life will be and while I still have no idea what this upcoming year will bring or where it will take me, I'm excited to know it will be filled with a lot more dancing ... I hope it's the "like nobody's watching" kind.

1 comment:

Jeni Lynn said...

I love the quote you are referring to. I have seen many versions but the one I like best is "Dance as though no one is watching you, Love as though you have never been hurt before, Sing as though no one can hear you, Live as though heaven is on earth". Good luck on your challenge!