Monday, August 30, 2010

here fishy fishy fishy fishy

I think I have asked for a dog (particularly a yellow lab that I could name Dexter and knit fuzzy sweaters for and bathe in BedHeads awesome line of doggie shampoos!) every day of this past eleven months. Apparently "dogs deserve yards" and are not conducive "to living in an apartment"... or "shift work". "Puppies are more work than children". "Worst. idea. ever." "Whose going to take care of it while you run off to LA every other month?" "Besides, who would walk it in the winter when you won't even go outside?" Needless-to-say, I'm still man's-best-friend-less. =)

I spent seven months ... aka all of winter... with my eyes pealed hoping I would find a tiny kitten frozen somewhere outside in dire need of a warm apartment that I would just have to take in. I guess I should have spent more time outdoors because I never found her.

I watched two itty bitty baby ducks paddle in circles at the lake the other morning certain they had accidentally floated away from their mother and would now be eaten by a bear and die. Evidently, I had only convinced myself that they needed to be rescued because no amount of whining would compel Mitch to set down Harry Potter, get up from his lawn chair and "go save them!" I waited for what felt like 14 back-to-back screening of Eat, Pray, Love (Read: an eternity) for them to swim close enough to shore so that I could catch Jack & Jill (I even picked out their names waiting on the dock) but they kept their safe five foot distance and my abhorrence for lake water impeded me from jumping in to "go save them!!" myself.

I've tried numerous times to catch and domesticate the wild rabbits that (0ver)populate my neighbourhood in hopes of eating the produce in the many gardens of the homegrown-crazy Ukrainians' up here but unless you carry a head of lettuce in your back pocket, they ain't hoppin' anywhere near you.

In a brief moment of total desperation and consequent lapse of judgment that usually accompanies said ennui, I even considered buying a pet hermit crab with a uniquely? painted shell at the mall the other day. Thankfully, rationality returned before I could locate my debit card and common sense safely talked me out of that one.

My relentless pursuits to be given the opportunity to "be the person her dog thinks she is" or "become that crazy cat lady" will not cease. I still have a burning desire to cosset and coddle something furry, something fluffy, something with a tail but until that victorious day comes, I have added a virtual fish tank to the bottom of my blog. Feeding them electronic fish food flakes with the click of my mouse will have to suffice until I win this war on pethood.

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