Tuesday, May 08, 2012

your one wild + precious life, liberated.

I'm currently neglecting a project that was due six hours ago... daydreaming about summer {+ farmers markets + jelly sandals + popsicles + wide-brimmed hats} on a coffee house patio in direct sunlight, watching the ferries troll down the canal in one of my favourite niches of this city... 

I'm fairly certain there is a direct correlation between the amount of sunshine in my life + the amount of  inspiration I find to blog... March and April were full of dreary showers + gloomy days and my very little presence in my happy place on the internet was a reflection of said weather{ed}. Every time I would sit down and start typing I found myself writing about the record-setting number of hours of sleep I was{n't} getting, the way in which my heart ached for home, how I had wished so badly that it was still twenty-eleven and the war I was currently declaring on the hot mess that twenty-twelve was quickly evolving in to... as I missed multiple flights {in the same weekend!}, laundry piled up in every corner, countless cups of coffee were spilled in my console, my inbox was flooded with unanswered e-mails, I lost passports, drivers licenses, debit cards, house keys and work badges.... the latter two are still missing....  
But while everything on the surface seemed to be spiralling a teensy bit out of control, there was something strengthening underneath... a renewed sense of self that came to fruition this weekend when a scenic drive through the whispering pines of the Redwood Forest and along the NorCal coastline... a late-night escapade lit up by the super moon as the moonshine danced over the ocean... brought me in to a head-on collision with the realization I had been searching for all along... you are from where you thought you were supposed to be, exactly where you want to be + it's okay to be insanely happy about it. 
You have not reached the milestones you grew up believing were a measure of success. You are not married to the man of your dreams {yet}. You don't have the four children you have been yearning for your whole life. You don't have the time to be responsible for that yellow lab puppy named Oliver you have been threatening to rescue for the last four years. You don't have a savings account. You don't even have a permanent address... but you do have limitless freedom + know how to carpe the hell of that freedom like no other.  
You are domestication's worst nightmare. You cannot cook. You cannot sew. You cannot iron. You cannot budget. You cannot stay organized to save your life... but that's okay because you've mastered the art of saving other's lives + you're only ten months from receiving the degree to prove it.  
You procrastinate, always. You overcommit yourself, too often. You never stop, ever. You seize every opportunity to miss out on sleep. You drink way too much caffeine and not nearly enough water. You don't call your parents. You consume too much sugar, mostly in the form of cupcakes. You smile reflexively. You are overly obsessed with sunshine, newborns and instagram. You are the queen of starting creative projects + never actually finishing one of them. You rarely ever eat enough vegetables. You overuse the line, "when I grow up..." You think fairytales do exist + truly believe in happily ever afters. You spent too much time reading blogs + not nearly enough time reading the newspaper. You live out of a suitcase + feel most at home on an aeroplane. You think standing for twelve hours counts as exercise. You cry, a lot. You have a habit of dreaming + think that maybe, just maybe, one day you will author a N.Y.T. best seller. Your one wild and precious life may defy every law of convention... but you secretly love every minute of the circus, red + white striped tent, three rings, elephants + all.  
Last week was liberating. I crossed boundaries outside my usual comfort zone making me vulnerable to a new experience that made me incredibly thankful for my close friends who repeatedly told me I would be just fine... and as it turns out, I'm better than fine; I'm insanely happy. I rode said liberation train down to LA on Friday night to relish in the cinco-de-mayo festivities with some of my most favourite people, spent all afternoon on the beaches of Malibu Saturday + ran a half marathon down the Avenue of the Giants Sunday. It most certainly wasn't the most conventional way to spend your only three days off but my goodness, was it wild + precious...

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