aloha from o'ahu

Aloha, my ohana {that's Hawaiian for family!} I survived my first week here in Honolulu and while I am finding my clinicals very challenging {in both positive + negative ways!}, I am also finding time to stop, put a flower in my hair + breathe in the views on my few days off! I am so looking forward to Tad coming to visit for Friendsgiving on Wednesday + be a total tourist all around this island for an entire week... because being a isle resident isn't as glamorous as it sounds + I have a sneaking suspicion that being a vacationer is where it is at in O'ahu. Hopefully, I will find time to publish all the drafts I've been working on since March {yes y'all, I still have blog posts from the spring I would like to publish before the new year arrives!} while I am here! Off to the hospital for a 16 hour shift... mahalo! 

a hole in my heart, of the space needle variety.

SisterinSeattle from Jocelyn Kirk on Vimeo.

I made this video awhile back in an effort to entice my sister to come back to Seattle to visit but what I didn't anticipate is that in a few short months I would find myself playing this video on repeat in an effort to fend off the sadness that is battling to overtake my ability to find the beauty here in Hawaii. I only left Seattle four days ago but I feel as though there is a gaping hole in my heart, most likely in the shape of the Space Needle... as I drove by her + all her beauty every day on my way to work, school or just about anywhere each everydayadventure led me. She was a part of my morning ritual + while the ocean, palm trees + superfluous amount of sunshine in my new *temporary* residence are helping to appease the pain of one bleeding heart, I miss her. & my mountain. & my market. & my lattes. & my people... oh, how I miss my people. I am so lucky to have somewhere that makes it so hard to say "see you soon!" to + as I process + readjust + process again what my new everyday will consist of, I am thankful for all the memories that I get to carry with me {in my heart} on each new adventure life takes me on. 

dead hearts.

dead hearts: The Wedding of Victoria and Jason Evigan from Lightfield Lewis on Vimeo.

It’s an intensely palpable love like this that strips me bare of my broken-hearted cynicism, reveals the very real + hopeful, hopeless romantic that occupies my core + restores my withering faith in fate. Perhaps, true love really does exist + maybe one day the stars will align + I will be lucky enough to find a love that makes storybooks jealous, too. 

Is it possible to miss someone you have never met? I have been thinking about him a lot recently. How his smile will light up his face. What his passions will be. What his laugh will sound like. What stories have shaped him into the man he is... + what he imagines the future to look like. 

Will he like to read? Will he share the same wanderlust that I do? I get lost in daydreams thinking about how safe I will feel in his arms. How he’ll know just the way I like my coffee {3 splendas, half hazelnut cream} + know exactly what to say just before I begin to cry. How he’ll find humor in my tornado-like tendencies + support my wildest dreams... especially the one about bathing with elephants in Bali.

He’ll understand my need to be alone some days + appreciate my need to feel wanted, every day. He'll believe me when I tell him I don't like store-bought gifts, only thoughtful ones of the conversation-hearts-glued-to-red-construction-paper variety. 

He’ll love me + my un-domestication unconditionally, even if I never successfully learn to use the oven for anything other than sweater storage or adequately adopt the word “frugal” in to my vocabulary. He’ll counteract my inability to sit still + help me stay content in the present. He’ll forgive me when I forget to communicate rationally + love me deeper on my darkest days. He’ll give the best forehead kisses ever known + never judge me for my love of raw cookie dough. 

He’ll share the same love for small things {especially changing seasons + babies} that I have + find just as much magic in creating traditions that I do. He will dedicate his life to making me happy, knowing I am living each day doing just the same… loving him whole-heartedly, wondering how I got to be so lucky to be his wife. 

I know when we finally do meet I'll understand why we had not met any sooner for I am still finding my feet... so until the day that the meet-cute arrives + our eyes will lock across a crowded room, our hearts immediately intertwined, I will carry on living each day to the fullest while I wait... patiently + passionately. hopelessly + wrecklessly. 

"How will I know?" he'll ask.

Oh, that's easy...I’ll be the girl smiling coyly in the corner, with lights inside my eyes.