insert meaning here.

I have a new vice... weekend escapes from Los Angeles! I have often said that living in LA is like an extended vacation (I have yet to establish a routine, still don't frequent the same bank or grocery store, and spend my days off being a tourist!) but I have now reverted to getting away just to relax... like a reverse vacation. I should of realized the beginning of this trend when I paid $850 to fly back to Florida for 5 days at Christmas (that cost me ~ $170/day to laze around and eat homecooked meals by the fabulou Barb and see Kara and it was forth every penny) but I didn't actually notice the habit forming until I went to D.C. in April and found myself completely content doing absolutely nothing but beating Danny in cribbage and sitting in the kitchen talking to Barb and Patti while they made dinner. I had not been to D.C. since sophomore year of high school and did not feel an ounce of sadness when the only time I saw a national monument was from the window of the super shuttle that I took when I accidently flew into the wrong airport (which I also didn't worry about... it wasn't waiting in traffic in LA, therefore I didn't care how long I waited). It is entirely unlike me to not plan something for every minute of every day so I can see the most of the destination city, eat at all the best restaurants, etc. when I travel but my weekend in Washington wasn't just the result of mere exhaustion... because it's happen every weekend off since then. The pattern goes as follows: work all my required days in a row, pick up an extra shift to buy ridiculously cheap plane ticket, fly away for 5 days, do nothing but relax, return to LA, repeat. From D.C. it was off to Vegas for the B. Spears concert where Adam and I avoided the strip and spent all day Sunday just laying by the pool sipping pina coladas (something I could of done at my apartment but would not have enjoyed quite as much being surrounded by hipsters gossiping about their latest casting call with the sound of rush hour humming in the distance). We were staying at the MGM Signature and the hotel had a private pool that didn't have a DJ blaring music and if I closed my eyes long enough, it felt like I was on some Caribbean holiday... and not just a four hour drive through the desert away from Hollywood. Next weekend away: Vancouver! I spent the entire weekend talking to my Auntie, laughing over fabulous dinners with my cousin, Kim and learning how to sew. It was here that I established a routine that I would like to carry in LA... wake up everyday feeling rested, go for a run along the sea wall, watch the news, eat organically, read a book, etc. I returned to LA, worked three long nights and then roadtripped to San Diego with Sydney to spend the weekend relaxing in the San Diego Bay with Kara and her friend, Erinn! Minus seeing the zoo, we spent the majority of our weekend taking in the view from our balcony on the 21st floor. As Carly and I both returned to LA this week (she was in Florida the past week for her little sister's high school graduation) I realized the root of all the anxiety I feel as the LA skyline comes into view every time I return to this city, the place I have tried to call home for the past ten months ... As much fun as it can be to live on some kind of permanent vacation, it means nothing leaving places that hold so much meaning to return to a place where none of it means anything.... a surreal life where I find I am having to remind myself just to breathe. As today marks the one month mark until I get to return to the place that has always felt the most like home to me, I'm already counting the ways that I can do nothing while I am away. Grams, I hope you have been reading the dictionary and are ready for a two week Scrabble tourny intermixed with a little bit of golfing and some walks around the lake!