Saturday, August 01, 2009

if everyone is the hero of their own story

... why is this heroine in need of some rescuing?!
aaaah ... it's August. Where the h-e-(insert random object that looks like an "L" and times it by two here) did July go?! When looking back at the month of July, it becomes clear to me where the thirty-one days that make up the month went .... first 13 in Canada, second 6 working, 1 day off to clean my apt before Megan came, 7 days with Megan, 3 nights back on shift (that's right... somehow I managed to work only NINE shifts the entire month long!?) and one final Friday night to watch Guys and Dolls at the Hollywood Bowl with Carly before the calendar turned over to August One!
While usually I love how fast time flies (because I have always thought it was a direct correlation to how much fabulousness you allow into your life!) I was really dreading the arrival of the month of August... and now it's here, out of nowhere... staring me in the face, asking me how I could possibly occupy one place for an entire year and yet, still feel so out of place, harboring much uncertainty as if I am on some hyperextended vacation where sleep is an amenity and I am just a guest checked in for a 365-day stay?!
August marks the one year anniversary of living in LA ... A LOT has happened in this last year! I moved across the country. I started a career (which I love!). I have learned what it takes to maintain friendships with thousands of miles and three hour time changes between us, instead of the usual bedroom door that separated four roommates for four years. I came to the realization that true love could actually just be two people with a general attraction being at the same place at the same time...regardless of how incredible your adoration for someone may be. I discovered the exact amount of caffeine that is required to stay awake all night long, saving lives no less.
I've fondly referred to this passed year as "the year of twenty-two" where I haven't quite become a full-blown adult but have definitely gotten my feet wet in the Pacific, as well as adulthood, by making huge life decisions including but not limited to making my entire life fit into my car, moving across the country, and entering the work force! While most people my age are still finishing their last year of college (I was always too young for my grade!), I reopened my savings account instead of seeing how many times I could swipe my debit card before it stopped working (usually near the end of a semester). I meet my friends at swirly resorts for wine tastings instead of at grungy bars for shot contests. I skype with Kara to see her life instead of driving two hours to tailgate. I read the USA Today instead of the Alligator. I've acquired a couple of stamps in my passport. I used all seven tiles in a game of Scrabble. I'm a member of a S.P.I. club. I know who Girltalk is. I eat organic.
Slowly but sweetly, this twenty-something is getting a grasp on prioritizing and becoming an adult but a bit betwixt and between at the end of our twelve-month lease, I have another big adult decision to make and I can't help but feel much angst towards the more pressing issues the month of August brings.... where do I go from here??
With Carly heading back to East Coast to pursue advertising, I will not be renewing my lease ... for I'm not really sure how to live in LA without her. Not just unsure of how to live (in LA) without her, I'm not too sure how to live in LA in general. I've been here for about a year and have yet to feel like this is home to me.
Despite the walls adorned with framed memories in a pathetic attempt to make it "homey", my apartment feels just as sterile as the day I moved in. Despite being single in a sea of the most beautiful people, it turns out I still have standards and being a self-righteous, pompous industry exec didn't make the list. Despite feeling lucky a year ago at this time that I didn't have ties to anywhere and therefore had no qualms about leaving life in Florida behind, I realized that I do have roots... and while they may not be the big cities in my childhood dreams, they are implanted in a place that has always been my home.
Taking chances is built in my DNA and while I feel no regrets about my fabulous "year of twenty-two" soaking up every cultural experience that came my way this past year... life in LA is not for me. I have about six weeks before I enter the "year of twenty-three"... where I intend to say good riddance to LA LA land and take a different chance...

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