I noticed that there seems to be a semi-schizophrenia in my writing recently. By day, I am a fearless, resilient twenty-something ready to independently take on the world + by night, I'm a heartbroken mess of tears questioning everything from my strength (My heart hurts so much, I'm afraid it may burst.) to my judgment (Could I really have been that jaded? that blind? that insert-cliche-about-love-here.) ... + then somewhere in between the 2, I get angry (I'm better off. He's better off. He would just throw it all away. Grrrrr).
Seriously, my mind drives me crazy when I'm trying to fall asleep in the presence of only one heartbeat, an off-beat one at that. I assure you that this is only temporary as "time heals all," even heart-in-a-blender induced insomnia, right?
I laughed when I noticed the playlist I made for my ass-kicking work-out at the gym reflected the same observation:
1. Cake - I Will Survive.
2. Sugarland - Every Girl Like Me.
3. James Blunt- Goodbye My Lover
4. Lily Allen - F*ck You
5. Coldplay - The Scientist
6. Lady Antebellum - Long Gone
7. Taylor Swift- You're Not Sorry
8, Colbie Caillat- Fearless.
9. John Mayer- Comfortable
10. Avril Lavigne- Why
11. Parachute- She is Love.
12. Rob Thomas - Mockingbird.
13. Keith Urban - Stupid Boy.
14. Joshua James - Lovers Without Love
15. Blue October - 18th Floor Balcony
16. Marc Cohn- True Companion
17. Rod Stewart - Broken Arrow
18. Coldplay- Fix You.
19. Kelly Clarkson- Walk Away.
20. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll
I've put track #11 on repeat in hopes that falling asleep to it tonight will lessen the swollen redness surrounding my eyes each morning. I'm naming this revised single-song playlist: cucumber ... + hoping that somehow, just like the tangible veggie, the lyrics possess anti-inflammatory properties to alleviate the puffiness.