Sunday, July 03, 2011

most days; some days.

Most days are nothing short of amazing. Each morning the sun beams through my window and floods my room with endless possibility. Every day my eagerness to learn manifests through pushing myself outside my comfort zone, exploring the unknown + seizing new opportunity. An incredible amount of growth is occurring and I am loving every moment of it. I am confidently pursuing my lofty dreams and as each one becomes a reality, it is the ultimate affirmation that I am exactly where I need to be.   
Most nights I fall asleep in complete peace with a fully renewed sense of self. I feel 100% back to my old self... giddy and full of giggles... All the while, I am learning to embrace the new part of myself that has grown up a little, remaining aware of my own needs + setting cautionary boundaries making certain I don't give too much. I have an abundance of great friends that are like family + a family full of people I consider close friends. I have a contagious energy + a to-do list full of fanciful tasks. I have a restored optimistic outlook + a perma-smile to prove it. I have a wild imagination + a growing bucket list. I have genuine happiness + it is fabulous. 
But some days, some days are hard. The days where every teardrop feels like a waterfall + I fear I may drown in my own tears. The days when I feel weighed down by the burden of unanswered questions + begin to question everything. My confidence in certainty waivers in how deeply my heart is hurting; a heart that has forgiven enough to be continually inundated with the happiest memories... but hasn't forgotten enough to move on... 
On these kind of days, I pay extra close attention to my own needs. I put both feet on solid ground. I take an extra long bath. I bend a little deeper. I run a little longer. I cry a little harder. I remind myself to breathe. I don't beat myself up for the amount of time that has passed and how much little progress in this single area has been made. Time can stand still once in awhile; its part of my healing process.  
 It is these days that I am thankful for the beauty of tomorrow, a fresh start to grad ahold of the reigns of life and begin again. One day it will make perfect sense and letting go will be as easy madly loving once was but until that day comes, I will cling tight to the promise of a new day that affords me the opportunity to saddle up and try again... and lucky-as-a-horseshoe for me, tomorrow is Monday and there is some celebrating to be done! =) 
Location: Tocori Falls, Manuel Antonio, Costa Rica

No comments: