Monday, March 16, 2009

learn to fly.

I tried to fly once. Little flashes of life streamed through my mind as the serenity that accompanies the feeling of falling sank in deep, almost simultaneously- an outer turbulence. an inner peace. At last, I was free. Falling freely. Free from gravity. Free from constraint. Free from pain. Free from reality.
Where was the logic behind my quantum leap? I'm not too sure I even looked. 
I thrive off definition; I crave concrete. Why wasn't I clinging to the edge of reason? 
Was this the ultimate test of emotional disconnection ... could I let go? Never one able to successfully disengage, this is one lesson I knew I could not pass. I could never entertain apathy; would never want to plunge to a definite death, wreaking of self-satisfaction. In the real reality of it, what I was seeking was just the contrary: the need to feel alive. Feel secure. Feel loved. Feel. 
My attempt to fly was the closest I'd ever come to death in my cosseted upbringing but oddly enough, in this forty-five seconds of my life I had never felt more alive. I was riveted and had failed this assignment... miserably.  
As I plummeted to the ground, this feigned hiatus ended almost as quickly as it had begun. My Houdiniesque escape came to a soaring halt that brought me right back to reality the moment the 'chute was released. It was at that very instant it occurred to me... how would I land without wings? It is not humanly possible. Why had I been so quick to let go initially? If only I had held on to that ledge a little while longer...
Coming down I realized that while I may be set free, removing my restraints would prove to be even more challenging than taking the first jump. I didn't want to hit the ground running but how could I reenter reality without a solid foundation? How was I to attain the asphalt to repair the cracks that would keep me grounded?
 Through purpose. experience. perseverance. laughter. Through growing. learning. enduring. living. Through milestones. mishaps. memories. It will not be a walk in the clouds but it will enable me to land on two unfaltering feet.
Hold tight to the ones you love. Find what makes you feel alive inside. Discover a reason for living. Pursue a passion. Redefine convention. Defy gravity. Learn to fly. 

No comments: