9/16/09 - the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I recently received an e-mail from a childhood friend of my mother's. She mentioned in the e-mail her favourite memories from growing up with my Mum. It made me laugh because I spent the majority of my childhood years following her around wanting to be just like her when I grow up. She was always my best friend. Somewhere in my preteen years, I decided she was the weirdest person ever ... just like every teenager, I was encumbered my hormones and nothing she could do was right anymore. She listened to Bob Marley. Weird. She did yoga. Weirder. She ate tofu. Weirdest. But as I figure out who I am I realize I am turning in to my mother. And I couldn't be happier.
sometimes i just wish i could go back. back to a time when goodbyes weren't for forever. friendships werent held across countries. hearts weren't breakable. saturdays were only game days. bed times didnt exist. work was defined by what you wanted to do in a day. it was acceptable not eat meals. it was okay to not have a dog, not that you werent capable. exhaustion was only felt at the end of a really good workout. somewhere comfortable. somewhere familiar. somewhere unknown. genuine source of happiness was a 2-year-old. always laughing. knew how to stand up for myself. i want to advance to a world where i knew how to protect my own heart. knew how to say no. knew all the answers. understood why. trusted. loved. one where i certain about my ability. able to love. able to rationalize. able to learn. able to breathe.
9/17/08 - anatomy of goodbye.
I've never been one much for saying goodbye. I find them tragic. This summer I have discovered there are several different versions of goodbyes. There are the goodbye for good in which I will probably never see the person again, co-workers, peers. There are the see you soons' in which this couldn't possibly be the last time I going to see you again. There are the pain staking, heart wrenching how will I go on without you in my daily life goodbyes. There are the I never realize how awesome it was having you in driving distance, holy cow there is a country between us now goodbyes. There are the I'm only saying goodbye so I can start counting down the days til I am going to see you again goodbye. There are the I know you're only a phone call away but what do I do when I need a hug? goodbye. There are the I didn't know I was saying goodbye goodbyes, in which I would have held on a little longer....
8/7/08 when i grow up...
When I grow up, I want to be a dj.
7/27/08 - Elderly Advice
I've had a lot of coffee talk this summer with Grams and her friends. They are full of wisdom and are always offering advice ... here are a couple of things I've learned from my elders:
- it's just as easy to marry someone with money than it is to marry someone who is poor.
- a leopard never changes his spots.
7/24/08 - What If?
i'm not sure if it is the fabulous runs i have been taking down endless country roads, through fields of bright, yellow canola with zero humidity that has allowed me to run for miles and completely clarify my mind or if it the incessant amount of free time, uninterrupted by modern day (cell phones, google, malls), that I have had the past month but I have found myself ruminating about everything lately. No single thought enters my mind without eluding to a thirty-minute rumination of all the details and strategies and pros and cons involved with the matter at hand. I've found myself constantly asking "what if?" What if my life doesn't turn out like I dream? What if I fail? What if I never learn when I've given too much? On the contrary, what if I didn't give enough? What if orange really is the new pink? I guess this is the weight of the real world everyone has warned me about.