but it sure would be prettier with you.

I’ve got my ticket for the long way ‘round
The one with the prettiest of views

It’s got mountains, it’s got rivers,

it’s got sights to give you shivers

But it sure would be prettier with you

when dreams become reality.

I have been doing this thing lately, akin to a bad habit, where I discover a blissful spot to sit down + unfurl all the fleeting thoughts that have been circulating in my mind for the past ... oh, I-don't-know... two years!... into a poignant piece weaved together with heart + humility, purpose + passion... but then my mind races in a gobjillion different directions, in my feeble attempt to recount all the marvelous {and not so fabulous} things that have taken place, the risks, the opportunities that accompany said risks, the lessons I've learned, the places I have explored, the food I have tasted, the people I have encountered ... amidst the one daunting task that was GRAD SCHOOL {+ work full-time}... + then I start to feel overwhelmed as the anxiety creeps up my spine + my head begins to spin as the proverbial freight train of clustered thoughts runs through it... so instead, I defeatedly close my laptop, take a deep breath and quietly think, tomorrow; maybe tomorrow I will find the clarity to write... but the truth is, I will never a write a blog post again if I wait for the clarity to come because this whole coming-of-age chapter about self discovery... that I have found my twenty-something self deep in the trenches of... doesn't provide much insight into anything concrete, except Seattle coffee... there is no doubt that it is the best brew these taste buds have ever known. So if you are still reading, this mumbled hot mess of my current stream of consciousness... paired with a couple random instagrams thrown in for good measure... are just for you...

... and to let you know that I DID IT! I'm not sure how but I survived grad school and I now have a crumbled little paper certificate to PROVE IT. It's official. I'm a master... A MASTER. It's been two weeks since I defended that damn scholarly project that I worked on for countless hours over the past eight months... and it still doesn't feel real. I really did it?! There have been many tiny moments recently that I am so overcome with happiness that I cry little tears of joy in the most unassuming places... and I smile a permasmile feeling like I'm walking on clouds... because I kind of am here in the city that is a mile high and ironically, making it impossible to catch my breath, literally. {Also, figuratively: figure out where to go from here}. There will be a celebration in mid-June when the community of amazing people I am so lucky to know who graciously helped me attain this lofty goal will gather in Seattle + drink locally brewed beer + eat oysters and I'll shed many more tears giving a commencement speech about all the heroes in my life that continue to inspire me in ways they will never truly understand + we'll eat cupcakes + wear pearls + enjoy the love that I am certain will be palpable... but for now, I am going to relax + drink in the wild air, focusing on restoration + removing those bags from under my eyes + just breathe, for a change. Sitting still was never my thang but as it turns out, I totally dig it, mildly hypoxic at 5,280 feet up in the air. eeeeee yaay! Thanks be to all of you for helping me make my dreams a reality!! =)  

Reese: the interview.

Reese: the interview. from Jocelyn Kirk on Vimeo.

Celebrating the first day of spring today by setting side some time to cozy up in a coffee shop by a window with the Colorado {yes, I have some serious life updating to do!} sunshine piercing through and edit an interview I did with Reesey Bird over Christmas. Have you ever tried to interview a 2-year-old? Please forgive the volume fluctuations, the unsteady hand, the awkward camera angles, the sniffly nose, the poor lighting, + my obnoxious voice. =) 

P.S. 2:15 absolutely slays me. 

FACT: drug-abusing moms produce drug-addicted babies.

I am on a short, eight week travel assignment here in Knoxville devoting most of my time to cosseting Kara's little pips and finishing my final quarter of grad school via distant-learning {bless you, internet!} but for ~thirty-six hours a week I have been spending my days working in a neonatal intensive care unit that feels more like a rehab center... shushing, swaddling and reinserting pacifiers in to the mouths of high-pitched screaming, tremulous, vomiting full-term {Read: if they hadn't been exposed to drugs in utero, they would be perfectly healthy} babies experiencing drug withdrawal. I have intermittently cared for newborns withdrawaling throughout the last four+ years but the pandemic it appears to be here in Tennessee {as one baby is born an hour that will go through withdrawal}, it is nothing short of devastating feeling as though these babies don't stand a chance in Hell in making it out of the grave social situations they were born in to. My profession can be hard and challenging but I have learned that I manage the heartbreak that some days hold best by giving my all while I am within those nursery walls + letting it all go by finding a healthy balance living a stress-free, silly, exciting,  adventurous life on every one of my days off... but here, I am finding myself not being able to let it go when I clock out. What is going to happen to these babies when they go home? What needs to be done to prevent babies from being born to drug abusers? While it is only my job to love them with all my being for a challenging twelve hours at a time, reserving judgment for higher powers {like the Department of Child Services... and karma}, it breaks my heart to nurse these helpless, little beings back to health knowing they will go home with the very same mothers who choose to do drugs during pregnancy. I try to remain hopeful + optimistic that these sweet souls will inspire their parents to get off drugs and give them the upbringing they deserve... but my instincts {founded in personal experience + research} tell me that is not the most probable outcome. I cannot save all babies...although some days with the proper cape + pair of shoes, I feel like I could...so I will have to resort to spending my remaining time here allowing these beautiful babies to borrow my heart and hope-to-goodness their mothers' figure out how to operate their own in the interim.      

of squishy newborns, bamboo blankets, bottomless carafes of caffeine, vivacious two-year-olds + a reality that's better than dreams...

Life around these parts have been some-kind-of-wonderful meets over-the-moon-awesomeness, sprinkled with a little bit of restoration... + a whole lot of caffeine consumption. Reese + Preston are at my absolute two favorite ages... the squishy newborn, swaddled in bamboo, full of lots of big yawns + wrinkly, one-eyed grins variety combined with the inquisitive toddler phase where chocolate milk is an acceptable breakfast, dancing around in your pajamas til 3pm constitutes a good day + everything that isn't a challenge::meltdown is big-belly-laugh funny. Every little moment with them gives each day so much meaning, it's hard to find motivation to do anything else {like go to work or write a gobjillion page paper that is due tomorrow...} when you just want to drink every bit of them up... knowing that in a short month, I will be forced to wake up from this eight-week, better than reality dream... and return to my final clinical portion somewhere in this country. The only saving grace: seventy days until I am a MASTER.  

a merry little new year.

Last Saturday {12/29/12}, my tiny nephew came in to this world a couple of weeks prematurely, weighing a teeny fivepounds//fifteenounces. Preston Reid spent a few days in the intensive care unit I am currently working in + while no words can describe the overwhelming feelings of happiness + sadness, hope + fear, + instant heart-bursting love that penetrated my usual routine of shushing + nurturing preemies as I would glance across the nursery in between feeding babies + see my sister kangarooing her fragile son, they/me/we are so happy that he was able to come home yesterday... healthy + sooo full of squishy, newborn goodness... + with the sweetest little wrinkle on his forehead, one just like big sister's.

I am so lucky to get to spend the first month of this merry, little new year drinking up southern comfort, cuddling little mister + fostering the imagination of a very precocious two-year-old. I am beyond thankful for these merry, little moments where life continues to allow me to temporarily be roommates with my sister again + again to love on her littles, play endless board games late at night + fold the occasional load of laundry. & I am so happy that the man she married is the big brother I always wished for growing up + that he is the only person that can recite as many awful lyrics of rap songs from the late 90's as I can.

I have a few lofty goals penciled in to my life schematic for this new year, both personally + professionally, and they can all be summed up in to two simple words: grow up!... The hard work put forth + sacrifices made in pursuit of big dreams this past year will come to fruition in beautiful coming-of-age discoveries + I'm over-the-moon excited to see where these merry, little new beginnings take me: across graduation stages... on trains through europe... over the threshold of a new home... maybe even in to the arms of someone special. Stranger things have happened, I suppose.  ;)

...now, if you'll excuse me, I have some snuggling to do. 

farewell, twenty-twelve.

Last New Year's Eve, uber reluctant to bid 2011 adieu, Grams + I found ourselves walking along a cobblestone street in Kensington trying to find our way back to our hotel after spending the afternoon in a snowy Christmas village. It was right before midnight where a gorgeous display of fireworks would light up London's skyline  when the heel of my favorite brown boot broke off. I briefly faltered but after cursing the cobble + catching my balance, I clearly remember looking up at my grandmother and saying, "Please don't let this be a foreshadowing of how this new year is going to turn out." ... 

Ohmyforeshadowing, it was. I contemplated not doing a review of twenty-twelve {frankly because I am so excited to see this year come to an end, I might just crawl in to bed at 7:30 tonight + forego the sequins, the ball drop + all that jazz.} but after reminiscing over last year's review here + o-ten's review here, I decided it would be a lovely, more jocelyn-esque idea to give 2012 a proper farewell, seeing that I am a huge fan of closure + all. 

January arrived. I laid out my wishes for the new year but then snowmaggedon hit Seattle sending my car sliding sideways down the hill I lived on in Green Lake + with it went all my resolutions. Right. out. the. window. Thanks to the good graces of a kind neighbor, I made it to Carly's 25th birthday celebration + had an amazing time gulping sipping wine in Santa Barbara. I was also given my first nickname, I snow-shoed through a quaint little German town + realized who the girl really worth having was.

 I started my very first clinical rotation + proceeded to spend nearly every day of this entire year in a NICU... coping only by attending happy hour @ 7:30 am. I put a chest tube in a chicken, learned that life's moments of impact will change our lives forever... and to let the hard ones go. I also encouraged every one of you to go find passion, the most beautiful make-up for a woman. 

March marvelled on, the paradigms shifted + I instagrammed my heart out. I didn't sleep hardly a wink the entire winter quarter until I went on a little weekend away to Tennessee when my heart grew too big for my body. I spent countless hours in local coffee shops drinking hazelnut lattes + was overjoyed to spend my spring break slowboarding in Whistler with Sammi. I met a wonderful friend {hi Alex!} from Texas + I grew exponentially fonder of the yummy cuisine in every niche of Seatown.

In April, cherry blossoms bloomed + I delved in to crossfit. I went to Florida for an impromptu roommate reunion at a little resort on the east coast of where we remade Call Me Maybe before it went viral + the world followed suit. I fell more madly in love with the Pacific Northwest daily {especially the tulip fields} but also made a shocking discovery that Portlandia is real, y'all.

May was liberating as I discovered what I would do with my one wild + precious life on a drive illuminated by the super moon through the Redwood Forest. I went to LALA land + ran a half marathon in NorCal on the Avenue of the Giants. I traveled to Sea World with Reese, Kara, Megan, Jess + Ella + my life became more technicolorful. Oh, and I finally found the words to honor my mama. 

June was an overwhelming mess of classroom, clinical + work. .. where the adult learner in me had an incredibly hard time balancing the Libra's in me need to be social... foregoing all sleep as laundry piled up, my inbox flooded and I lost all control of my life with the start of summer. I moved to Belltown. This little blog turned 5. I escaped to LA for the weekend to frolic in vineyards + dream of traversing around the country in an airstream. I snuck back to Winnipeg for an amazing friend's wedding + relished in family love. 

In July, I celebrated independence + commuted to Anchorage to attend my Level II clinicals in an awesome NICU with an incredible team of practitioners. I slowly transitioned back to blonde. I met another amazing friend + we painted Seattle rad redefining Sunday Funday on the three days off I had that entire month. My schedule was brutal but amazing:: brutally amazing.

Oh, August. You spoiled me with all your sunshine. Rollerblading was my favorite way to take in the gorgeous skyline + those western sunsets. It became a habit to spend sunday perusing farmers' markets + having bonfires at the beach. I nested with Kara in preparation for baby boy + paddleboarded with Sammi through deep cove. I hiked nearly every afternoon I had off + by the end of August, Seattle had me completely wrapped around its space-needle-of-a-finger.

September was a perpetual happy celebration of my golden birthday. Heather + I explored the San Juans. Celeste + I ventured to the end of the Earth. I helped a car thief escape from an overturned vehicle. Jason Mraz performed at the gorge + I spent every night of my birthday week with all my favorite Seattlites before flying to Knox to celebrate with the light of my life. It was golden, indeed.

October was overwhelming with the impending doom of leaving Seattle but I continued to get lost in apple orchards + took full advantage of restaurant week {which is actually two weeks} to spend quality time with my favorites. College football was in full swing + my final farewell to a city so full of wonderful people and a job that didn't once feel like work was: beautiful. All my favorite friends in one spot? I am one lucky girl. 

November was spent on a tropical island for my first Level III clinicals where I mostly learned that island living isn't for everyone, especially this girl. Before heading to Hellwaii, I spent a lovely weekend in LA with a few of the girls that make leaving Seattle so insanely hard. And after two years of heart mending, I was able to happily let go, give thanks + take a surf lesson with an adorable instructor named DJ. 

This last month has been a series of highs + lows returning only briefly to Seattle to write finals. With exams came a few good-byes my heart wasn't ready to make as the reality of leaving Seattle hit me full force boarding that east-bound plane + I ugly cried in the security queue at Seatac. I had a lovely weekend in Tahoe with two-thirds of my other halves but I miss my roommates immensely + decided this whole living in three parts of the country is not acceptable. But I  was delighted to return to my sister's cozy home just in time for the holidays where Santa came with a new little nephew, a couple of weeks too soon. My beautiful sister and her sweet husband are ringing in the new year in the neonatal intensive care unit celebrating their new tiny little life... a fragile miracle that is humbling my heart + putting my blessed life back in to perspective... one breath at a time. 

This year has definitely been chalk full of discovery + my one resolution for this coming year is to put myself + all said little discoveries together in one place + slow down. 

2013, I'm armed {with optimism} + ready {for your arrival}.  10, 9, 8,...

mele kalikimaka.

...is Hawai'i's way to say Merry Christmas to you! 

hellwaii from Jocelyn Kirk on Vimeo.

I wasn't entirely fair to Hellwaii while I was there. There were a few fleeting moments... especially Thanksgiving week when Tad came to visit... that I was able to brave the world outside my Seattle embassy {read: Starbucks} and explore the sunshiny island without being traumatized by the public transit system... among a variety of other things that inhabit that island. In the week Celeste was there, we actually rode around the entire island on a city bus and clearly survived to tell about it. We also ate macadamia nut pancakes and attended the Chief's Luau for Thanksgiving dinner {highly recommend!!}! We took a surf lesson on the NorthShore + ate lunch at a shrimp truck followed by some shaved ice at Matsumoto's. We took naps on pristine beaches + went on a catamaran with a keg of mai tais. We saw dolphins + flying fish. We snorkeled with sea turtles + a very rare monk seal. We built recliners in the sand on the very picturesque Lani Kai. Our favorite place to watch the beautiful sunsets was at a little bar right on the water in Waikiki called Rum Fire. Live acoustic music played nightly as we drank spritzers and soaked in the views; you could even see Diamondhead in the near distance from our table. We met awesome people through an interesting night of couch surfing + laughed until we cried at in our hotel room. As I was getting out the shuttle at the airport after a looooong month, the driver said to me, "I'm sorry this island was terrible to you but not a lot of people would be brave enough to come here by themselves to learn. You are a better person because of your experience. If you take nothing else from your time here, know that." 

The theme of twenty-twelve seems to be a few amazing moments mixed in amidst the chaos and challenges just when it seems to be getting to be too much. & while I am sadly soo excited for the new year to arrive, I am feeling extra happy tonight for the little speckles of awesomeness I've experienced periodically throughout the year. Today was a perfect speckle experiencing the magic of Christmas through Reese, spending quality time with grams + nesting with Kara. Oooh, how this new year already promises so much love, wonder + excitement... I can't hardly wait!

joyeux veille de noel.

eiffel tower twinkles on. from Jocelyn Kirk on Vimeo.

Last Christmas Eve, Grams, Auntie Paul + I dashed across Paris on the Metro to get to Notre Dame just before midnight to attend la Messe de Minuit. It was amazing. The sound the organ made as it reverberated through the church. The way in which the candles illuminated inside. The smell of incense permeating the air. I couldn't speak the language but yet I felt I understood everything the speakers were saying.  It was one of those bucket list moments that I will never forget... the entire two weeks, actually. Paris is magical this time of year. The yule logs that are displayed in store windows are scrumptious. The Christmas villages that serve the best hot chocolate + have chestnuts roasting on a real open fire, I die. I felt like I was in a holiday dream... but hands down, my favorite moment was when the lights on the Eiffel Tower turned off at 1AM and the tower twinkled on. Words don't do her beauty's justice but I was able to capture the twinkle in a cab ride home one night. 

This year, I am thankful to not be on shift and with my sister and her little family. Grams is here, too + each day has been filled with so much meaning having Reese in our lives! Tonight, we went on a joyride around Knox looking at Christmas lights synchronized to music on local radio stations, a big thing here in Eastern Tennessee... Santa Claus comes soon + I can hardly wait to wake up to experience Christmas through the eyes of a very animated two-year-old. Joyeux Veille de Noel, mon ami!

i still believe...

1. Love Never Fails TOMS
2. Star Scarf
3. Scratch off Map
4. Public Bicycle
5. Sorel Cate the Great Boots
6. T3 Styling Wand
7. Gray's Anatomy 
8. Folk Owl Mugs
9. Herschel Supply Company Colorblock Backpack
10. Josie Maran Argan Oil

little mister.

We have less than three weeks until baby boy "dub" Williams arrives and we are just about over-the-moon around these parts, modifying bedrest by renting a "janky" wheelchair at the mall to pick up a few last minute items, spending the time just before bed watching him dance around in Kara's teeny belly bump... and on Saturday, we celebrated his much anticipated arrival with a sprinkle shower for Mama + big-sister-to-be. Angela + I had so much fun staying up til the wee hours of Saturday morning cutting, glueing, sewing until our fingers bled making banners, stuffing favors and adding intricate little details to our uber cute theme: Little Mister.

Location: Tea at the Gallery, Knoxville, TN
Cookies: NattyEm's Cupcakes
Invitation: Mermaid Monkey Designs
Place cards, tags and thank you labels: My Party Designs
My Stache Favor Bags: PaperMoonbyKAT
Wet Your Whiskers Printable: Green Elephant Prints